


for you

by lanasmyfeather



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Roommates, i wrote in a cat bc heck yes, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-05 20:37:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 63,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20494979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanasmyfeather/pseuds/lanasmyfeather
Summary: roommates au. fluff layered with angst. slowburn. with a tiny black and white kitten.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [for you [art]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20479499) by [swansaloft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swansaloft/pseuds/swansaloft). 

> thank you for clicking yourself into this fic, that already really means a lot! personally for me, its been a bit of long road to get here but yay, it's done, its posted! i do hope you are going to be enjoying this!
> 
> i do want to thank one person before we get into this though: my darling wife, without you there would be no fic. without you, i wouldn't even have the self confidence to write. without you, i would still stare at the first chapter, wondering what could i possibly do to make it better. you make me better. so thank you for all your help, i love you endlessly.

“Oh for Christ's sake.”

Regina let fully go of the box she had been carrying as she had once again banged it on the frame of the very narrow doorway. This was a third box she had nearly gotten stuck and her patience was running incredibly thin. Not to mention that she had been frustrated for days, more so than normally.

Looking around subtly, she bend down to push the box through the doorway before slamming the door shut. It created a thunder in the hallway outside and Regina closed her eyes briefly. She stood very quietly next to the door, just listening. The thin walls did very little to quiet down the traffic that boomed outside and Regina could feel her lips turn downwards just an inch.

She couldn’t quite believe she was here right now.

For someone so young, Regina Mills was otherworldly beautiful, well recognised in certain circles and extremely, extremely wealthy. Well, at least she had been all that three days ago, but right now she was only left with her incredibly good looks, as it had now been three full days since her divorce from her husband had become final.

Leaning against the door, Regina cast her brown eyes towards the wall in front of her. Filing for a divorce had been an easy decision to make, one that she had been thinking about for years. But her former husband was a well known man in the high social circles of this state, which had made it so much more harder.

Also he was a man, Regina thought with a massive eye roll as she pushed herself off the door. There was his ego to think about and that had been the thing that had gotten in the way of a clean divorce Regina had planned.

It still baffled her why he made such a big deal out of it, especially since they had been very unhappy for good amount of years. Thinking back, Regina couldn’t think of the last time when they had actually been happy, if ever. Even when women had more rights and the world was a bit better, her marriage had purely been a marriage of convenience, all planned out and flawlessly executed by her late mother who had been desperate for a higher status for herself and in extension for her daughter.

Regina didn’t or never had cared for status but she had been too kind and too easily manipulated. Thoughts of her mother didn’t come back fondly as the woman had used her without an ounce of love or respect, just to reach her own goals. Cora Mills had gotten what she had wanted but Regina knew that it was karma that finally got her as she died only few years after Regina got married.

Walking further into the room, Regina sighed deeply. Upon marrying her former husband she had signed a strict prenup which left her very little in the event of her ever filing for a divorce. Sure there were if’s and but’s and loops here and there, but her attorney made it very clear that there was no going around this specific one. It had been ironclad.

None the less, she had walked away with a nice sum of money, but Regina Mills was not stupid. This money was the only thing she had to fall back on as she had zero experience in any type of work and since she had married young, she lacked education that was required in the modern society. So this money was not going to last her forever.

Which is why, the first thing she had done was to put most of the money aside because she needed to have funds to pay for her schooling, as she had every intention in applying for the school in the city next spring.

Laying her hand against the white wall of her living room, Regina looked around the apartment that was going to be her new home, her first proper one. At least she hoped.

Finding an apartment was fairly simple, but finding something that she liked _and_ that would be affordable did make it harder than she had thought. She considered herself lucky though, because she had been able to find this place through a friend.

It was all white, airy and even when the neighbourhood wasn’t the best possible, it was still a lot better than many of the other ones she had gone to see. There were two rooms, a big living room and a connected kitchen. She knew she shouldn’t have but she had not been able to stop herself, as she had had the apartment well cleaned the day before so the only thing she had to worry about today was to move her things in.

And meet her new roommate.

The apartment was amazing and Regina had had her mind very much set on it, but as she had gone through her finances and her new life plan, she had quickly realised that if she wanted to live in there for longer than a year, she would need someone to share the expenses with. So, she had set out to look for a roommate.

Putting an add on the internet had been her first step and Regina had listed series of qualities of herself as well as a list of wishes she had for a possible roommate. She believed she had been very reasonable with her requests but 99% of the people who messaged her back ended up being vile and downright scary.

She had almost lost hope when quite literally yesterday evening, she had gotten a message that was the most promising thing she had read since the add was put up.

Furrowing her brows, she tried to remember the wording the person had used, but she quickly gave up and dug her phone out of her pocket. She opened the message she had gotten to read it over again.

_Hi._

_I’m Emma Swan and I have just moved into the city and I’m in a quick need of an apartment. I don’t have pets and I’m not much of a partier. I’m pretty quiet and prefer to spend my time alone. And with my new job, I will be working quite a lot. I’m not into anything weird and I really hope you aren’t either. You seem kind of bossy. I hope to hear back from you asap._

At first Regina had been enraged by the boldness of the message and the person behind it. Who was this Emma Swan to say these things as she knew nothing about her?! When she had moved to violently delete the message, she had not been able to do it. Reading the message again, she had felt calmer. This woman had just called her bossy, a quality that she herself greatly appreciated and what other people called her as well. It was nothing new.

But not a lot of people had told that to her directly.

There were many things that Emma had mentioned about herself that Regina herself had listed on her add. She didn’t want to live with someone who came home drunk every weekend or worse, wanted to invite people over for parties. There was also a strict paragraph in the rental agreement that there would be no animals allowed, which also made Emma fit just that much better.

All and all, this Emma had seemed like the least horrible applicant and Regina had gathered all the professionalism in her to type back a proper reply. Emma’s number had been attached to the message and after few quick texts, they had agreed that they would be living together and meeting the following day when Emma would bring her stuff to the apartment.

And today was the day.

Regina was nervous since having a roommate who she didn’t know beforehand was something completely new to her. Sure Emma seemed nice through messages but there was no way of telling they would get along when they were forced to live in the same space.

Trying to push the worst case scenarios out of her head, she picked up the box she had left by the door and carried it into what was going to be her bedroom. The two rooms were right next to each other and they were almost identical, but Regina preferred the left side for some odd reason. So that was what she had chosen for herself.

Thanks to her friend, the apartment had come fully furnished and since the apartment had been cleaned as well, the sheets were fresh. Regina took an actual step away from the bed, because her body quite literally sagged under the exhaustion of the past few days. The bed was calling her name, ready to wrap her in its sweet embrace.

Looking around in her room and all the boxes taking up space in the living room, Regina realised that if she wanted to get any sleep tonight she would have to start unpacking. Today was a big day but tomorrow was going to be even bigger.

The kitchen boxes were easy to empty as there was only few sets of everything. Most of the things were just simple white cups and glasses, apart from a big yellow mug with a small black spot under the handle. Regina turned it around in her hands before putting it on the shelf with the rest of her things.

She was halfway of hanging up her clothes when there was a knock on the door. It was prompt, and definitely loud enough and Regina rushed to the door to open it. But as she laid her hand on the handle, a loud thump happened behind the door and someone cursed loudly.

Regina was hesitant to open the door, but her curiosity got the best of her. Pulling the door open, she was met with… a butt.

Taking a step back, she was ready to bark out her annoyance and tell whoever it was to get the hell away from her door way, but before she could even take in a breath the person in front of her turned around, and the next thing Regina’s eyes zeroed on was a massive amount of blonde hair.

The next thing were the wide green eyes, quite reminding her of the wild forests you saw in nature documentaries. They were staring at her and she was staring right back, forgetting that she was probably meant to say something at this point.

“Hi.”


	2. Chapter 2

The voice was much deeper than the exterior of this woman would let you to believe, but it somehow fit her perfectly. It also revealed that the loud curser of the hallway was the very woman standing in front of her now, holding her hand out so Regina could shake it.

Which she did.

“You must be Emma?” she asked politely because that was what one did when meeting someone for the first time. She took the hold of the outstretched hand and gave it a firm shake that was met with an equally sturdy one.

  
“Yes, Emma. Emma Swan.” the blonde said before turning to look down at the box behind her. She gave it a downright dirty look before picking it up again. Regina stepped off the way to give her space to squeeze past her but the blonde ended up banging the corner of the box on the very same bit of doorframe as Regina had.

What made Regina rear her head back much like some species of owls did, was the colourful, rather unexpected litany of curse words. But as soon as the blonde closed her mouth, she stopped on her tracks.

The first moment Emma had laid her eyes on the brunette, she had noted that this woman was the most gorgeous creature to ever grace their dying earth. But what she knew even before meeting her was that this kind of language would not be tolerated. And Emma didn’t want to get herself in trouble with her new hot roommate during their first five minutes.

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled, begging the highest heavens that she wasn’t blushing hardcore right now. The blonde managed to get herself and her box inside the apartment and she walked into the living room, looking around.

When she had first seen Regina’s add online, she thought it was some sort of a joke. The list of requirements for an applicant was downright ridiculous, but Emma also knew that she had to find a place as soon as possible as she would be having her first day in her new job in three days.

Answering the add had been fairly easy, but she wasn’t expecting to hear back as the offer in itself was pretty amazing, when it came to how it all actually looked and how low the price would be compared to what it would be if you had to pay all of it yourself.

But Regina had answered. And here they were.

Looking towards the two open doors, Emma could see boxes littering the floor of the room on her left. She was more than happy to steer to the room on the right as it somehow felt more comfier to her. There was no way to explain it, but that’s how it just was. Plus it was closer to the bathroom, which fit Emma well as she woke up at least once a night to pee.

When Emma disappeared into her room, Regina nearly sprinted into her own room. She didn’t want to make it seem like she wanted to get rid of Emma, so she closed the door only a little bit to get a bit of privacy.

She sat down on the floor and leaned her back heavily on the wall. Putting her head between her legs, she breathed in and out raggedly.

It hadn’t dawned on Regina before this very moment, how massively her life was going to change. She had just abandoned everything she knew to start over, blindly believing that she would be able to pull it all off. But when she had seen Emma, her new roommate, she had realised just how unsure she was.

This could end badly and that terrified her.

“Um… Regina?”

Hearing the blondes voice was the most sobering thing Regina had ever experienced and it alarmed her to notice how fast she managed to slip on a mask and locking all her doubts and fears into her heart.

Getting up she fluffed her hair, pulled down her shirt to fit properly and she opened her door fully to greet the blonde.

Emma Swan was… beautiful. There was no way around that and Regina could definitely call herself someone who knew how to appreciate that. But it seemed like the other woman was almost uncomfortable with that as she clearly had not shown a brush to her hair in a while, nor did she seem particularly interested in her clothing choices. Regina crunched up her nose as she took on the sweats and faded black t-shirt.

“Yes?” she responded after she finished assessing the very person she would be sharing her new home with.

“I was wondering,” Emma started before slipping her hands into the pockets of her a size too big sweats. “is it alright for me to use the sheets that are in my room? I assume they are yours.”

Even when most words Emma had produced so far had been colourful and downright dirty, Regina was very pleased to learn that the blonde could be very polite and kind.

“Yes, of course. They are yours to use.” Regina smiled lightly. “There are more in the linen closet when you feel like changing them.”

Emma looked towards where Regina was pointing, before nodding her thanks. An awkward silence laid itself between them and neither had any idea what to say or do to make it even remotely comfortable for the other.

What saved them was the ringing of Emma’s phone in her own room. Her eyes widened almost comically as she motioned silently that she would be going to pick up. Regina didn’t have time to say or do anything before the blonde hair disappeared from her doorway.

Feeling safe enough to emerge from the bedroom, she made her way to the kitchen to drink. There was hunger rumbling in her stomach but she had wanted to avoid groceries as long as possible. Take out had been her junk of choice for the last couple of days as she enjoyed her newfound freedom.

Regina didn’t want to seem too curious but she couldn’t help but to drink just a bit quieter to hear even a little bit of Emma’s conversation. Sadly - but luckily - the distance between the kitchen and the bedroom was long enough for each word to muffle into something unrecognisable.

Before long the other woman came out from her bedroom to lean on the small kitchen island. She had noticed the beauty of the brunette as soon as she opened the door for her but it had not given her enough time to appreciate it.

The shiny brown hair rested comfortably on her shoulders, and the make up free lips were gently attached to the glass she was holding. The brown eyes were darting to every which direction and it seemed like she was really avoiding eye contact. Emma could admit that Regina Mills was gorgeous but she had no idea how this would end up going. The beautiful ones were the most dangerous.

“Is there anything I should know about the agreement and paperwork for the apartment?” Emma asked when Regina finally met her eyes.

The brunette took few extra seconds to answer as she swallowed her water. “There are few papers for you to read though and sign. And I really do wish you read them as this apartment is now our responsibility together.”

Emma rolled her eyes. She knew how paperwork worked and she would be a damn fool to sign something before reading it.

Regina squinted at the eye roll the blonde deemed appropriate when she was telling her the cold hard facts. “Are we going to have a problem, Miss Swan?”

Emma didn’t know what made the brunette call her Miss Swan but she was sure it wasn’t meant in the nice, teasing way that some people did. This meant business.

“I can guarantee, Miss Mills,” Emma started before leaning a little bit closer. “that I won’t be the problem.”

Oh, game on, Regina thought as she downed what was left of her drink.

* * *

Emma carried a couple more boxes into the apartment after their little stand off in the kitchen, doing better each time, only hitting the door frame once. Regina tried to keep herself busy by organising her room and folding the boxes as soon as she was done emptying them. Her stomach was rumbling more and more by the minute and it was adding to the already existing exhaustion that she was feeling.

In order to avoid her bed and the temptation that came with it, she steered herself towards the kitchen to write up a list of things that she knew she was still lacking.

Emma kept going in the bathroom with her arms full of all sorts of things and returning to get some more. Regina rolled her eyes as she wondered why would the woman spend any energy going back and forth when she could just carry her box in with one swift move.

Concentrating on her list once more, Regina failed to notice that Emma was now coming towards her. She stopped in front of her and cleared her throat, making Regina jump comically.

Emma wanted to laugh so badly but she had learned enough about Regina in the last couple of hours to know that it would be a reason for her death if she dared to even make a sound. So she ignored it and gave the woman few seconds to gather herself so they could pretend together that nothing had happened.

“I’m going to the store.” Emma stated, because she thought it would be polite to let her new roommate know when she was leaving. Plus she had also noticed that Regina had not brought any food with her either.

Emma had arrived into the city very early that morning and so far the only thing she had put in her mouth was a lone lollipop she had found in her car and a cup of coffee at a gas station just before the city. So it was safe to say, she was starving and ready to devour her own weight in food.

It also seemed the kitchen in the apartment was pretty amazing so she could get back to cooking right away. Sure she had her fondness to certain fried delicacies but she really enjoyed her share of home cooked meals. And she was more than a little bit proud that she could pull all that off herself.

“And I wanted to ask, is there anything you want me to pick up for you?”

Regina felt… many things. So incredibly many. But at the moment the main feeling pushing itself past every other one, was pure panic.

“I, uhm,” it wasn’t often that Regina Mills was speechless, but in this moment she could barely even breathe as she tried to wrack her brain for something to say. “I don’t know.”

Emma tilted her head a little bit, looking curiously as Regina’s face was getting redder and redder as the seconds went by. It had been a simple question, the one people threw around a lot which made Emma wonder what kind of person was she actually living with.

But Emma was not a horrible person. As Regina remained quiet, desperately trying to swallow, Emma placed a worried hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. Do you want me to get you something?”

Regina wanted Emma to _fuck off_. This was not something she wanted anyone to see, ever. No one ever had and even if they did, they had never cared enough to find out what was going on and in those situations Regina appreciated that greatly as she just wanted to be left alone.

“Don’t touch me!” she managed to bark, grateful there was enough strength in her voice to demand a certain authority.

Emma pulled back quickly, taking a hurried step back as well. She understood that she should have not touched the other woman without asking if that was okay, but she had also tried to help. And she was hungry and getting a bit cranky so this woman yelling at her did not make her feel all that cheery.

“Fine. Figure out your own food then.” Emma said coldly and stormed towards the door. She made extra effort to bang it really loudly as she headed for the stairs.

The bang of the door echoed in their somewhat empty living room and Regina actually winced at the noise. This was not at all like she had wanted this to go. In three hours she had managed to anger her new roommate after screaming at her because she wanted to hide her panic attack.

The brunette was no stranger to panic attacks but she had learned to avoid the situations which repeatedly caused those for her, which she admitted was not the healthiest way to deal with her issue. She knew her triggers and how to calm herself, but this had come out of nowhere.

She laid her forehead against the cool surface of the counter as she breathed in and out, closing her eyes. In one, two, three, four… Out one, two, three, four. Time seemed to always disappear when she did her breathing exercises, so when she eventually lifted her head up she had no idea how long she had been there.

Her body felt much calmer but her mind was still running a mile a minute. She felt incredibly sad about how she had treated Emma when it was so clear that the blonde had only tried to help her. And from the moment the blonde had entered the apartment she had been nothing but lovely and considerate.

The brunette hadn’t eaten anything the entire day and she had been hungry for hours, but the slam of a door had completely destroyed her appetite and replaced it with more exhaustion. Without thinking too much about it, Regina made beeline into the bathroom, looking at the causally placed items in every single available surface. For someone who gave off very chill and uncaring vibes, Emma sure owned a lot of products for her looks.

Picking up one of the brightly coloured bottles, Regina read the label and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Most things in the bathroom were for the blonde mane of hair, but if todays hairstyle was anything to go by, these things had been packed away for a while.

Regina was someone who enjoyed her showers long and warm but right now she just wanted to dice into her bed and sleep until she felt better. The thought alone made her relax considerably because tomorrow was indeed going to be a new day and she could try and fix her mistake with Emma.

While she stood under the strong spray, Regina couldn’t help but thing how much she had already changed and she had been out of her sad, lifeless marriage for a matter of days. The old Regina wouldn’t have cared at all what other people thought or felt, not because she was a bitch but because she didn’t have it in her to feel empathy or care for more than few people at the time, or in worst care scenarios, for no one at all. Not even for herself. If you felt empathy, you started to care and if you cared you suddenly had so much to lose. And if you allowed that to affect you, you were weak.

And Regina refused to be weak.

But now she found herself concerned for what Emma might think of her. It had been already unclear to her since they met but she had no clue how this might have shifted everything. She hadn’t looked for a roommate to find a friend, but she had wanted to live with someone she got along with.

Upon actually meeting Emma and having those brief conversations with her, Regina had entertained the idea that maybe one day they could be friends. But right now, she just hoped she hadn’t ruined everything with one massive, messy sweep.

The water was starting to burn her skin slightly and she hurried to turn it all off. It was almost just as horrible to step out of the warm shower but her need to just fall into the duvets was too big to resist. She tried herself quickly while listening to any noises that would indicate that Emma had returned to the apartment. There was no single peep, so she gathered her things and hurried through the living room and into her own room.

Without caring much at all, she dropped her damp towel on the floor, promising herself she would clean it all up tomorrow. When Regina had been putting her clothes away she had saved the top drawer for her night clothes. It was almost embarrassing how much Regina loved her pyjamas and how she was otherwise very smartly and sexily dressed, but when she went to bed… There was no shape as she preferred the largest, the softest, the comfiest of flannel pyjamas.

It took her all of two seconds to slip into a pair before she rushed towards her queen sized bed. She could feel her body relax with each step as it seemed to know that there was going to be relief for her exhaustion any minute now. She thanked the higher powers that the bed was already made for her liking because she was ready to dive in head first.

But what stopped her to her tracks was a little bag on her pillow. It was a white plastic bag with no markings whatsoever, making it even more suspicious. Considering it was in her room in a locked apartment, the brunette deduced it couldn’t be anything _too_ horrible and she confidently walked the remaining meters to reach the bed. She used two fingers to move it around so she could peek inside. And what she found made her all the more confused.

The bag contained two candy bars, a bottle of water, something that looked like a pastry and a big red apple. Regina pulled each item out of the bag and placed them gently on her nightstand. What was left was a folded piece of paper, which Regina quickly opened as the curiosity was nearly killing her.

_For you._

Regina didn’t know did she feel better or worse, but she turned to look at the wall that separated her room from Emma’s room. This was definitely an unexpected but not unpleasant. But what made Regina thread tomorrow would be the talk they were eventually going to have to have.

The hunger that had disappeared suddenly came back with full force and Regina devoured her food in few short minutes. The chocolate tasted amazing, better than it had probably ever tasted. The apple was crisp and even the pastry was filled with apple jam. The brunette didn’t know how the blonde had known that she liked apples, but she chalked that up to a good guess.

Pulling her covers aside, Regina practically jumped in, feeling full and content for the first time since she had left her old life behind. It wasn’t as easy as she had thought but she knew that she was going to figure this out.

Tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma usually woke up really early in the morning as most of her jobs in the past had required her to show up at the crack of dawn. When she had been younger she had hated everything to do with mornings but the jobs had changed that. And now even when she had her occasional day off she still woke up with the sun.

And today was no exception. She had not set an alarm for the hopes of sleeping longer than til seven, but as she picked up her phone to check, she groaned and slapped her face back into the pillows. She had three whole days of freedom left before her new job would start and she had hoped for a little bit of rest. Especially since she went to bed really late last night.

Like a clockwork, her stomach started itself off with a low rumble, demanding to be fed. Emma rolled on her side as she tried her best to ignore it and get comfortable.

Pulling her phone free from her charger she went through the notifications that had come through during the night. There were few new messages but her game apps were the ones who had missed her the most. Usually this would be the time when she would snap them all open and play, but she was not at all in the mood.

Emma had rolled in her bed til the wee hours of the morning, as her body had been restless and her mind quite literally going insane. She couldn’t stop thinking about what went down between her and Regina. Mostly because she didn’t want to start their living situation with a fight but also because she was very confused.

She could admit that reacting in such negative way had not been the best way to go, especially since it was pretty damn clear that the other woman was having a hard time, but they were both humans and sometimes one reacts in a way that is not at all reflective on how you are as a person. Emma definitely felt that for her part and she wanted to give Regina the same courtesy.

None the less, in that moment, the blonde had been furious and confused. She didn’t do well when people yelled at her like that, she had been like that since she was a child. So she had stormed out of the apartment, slamming every available door in her wake.

But as soon as her shoes hit the concrete outside their downstairs door, she wanted to turn around and apologise. She wasn’t someone who enjoyed fighting and she knew she had stepped over some lines that she was unaware of, but it seemed that whatever Regina needed in that moment, it wasn’t her company.

Emma didn’t know Regina, hell she knew very little about women in general even when she was one herself, but if they were going to live together, they needed to be civil and aware of each others triggers. So this was _not_ going well.

The walk to the nearby corner store had taken less than ten minutes. The blonde had walked around aimlessly in the small space, trying to decide what she wanted. What ended up in her basket was not at all what she had hoped for as she preferred to cook herself something. Instead chips, chocolate and buns had jumped in, and every time Emma looked down it seemed like they were laughing at her. She ended up putting in a big jug of apple juice to feel even a bit better about her choices.

But as she was heading for the check out, she realised that Regina was very unlikely leaving the apartment tonight if her state of mind was anything to go by. And it was getting really late and all the close by stores were going to be closed.

Trying not to second guess herself, Emma filled her basket with couple of other things that she hoped Regina would like, even just enough to eat. There needed to be peace and the best way Emma knew how to achieve that, was with food.

She had hurried home, only to find out that the brunette was no longer in the kitchen. Closing the door quietly, the outside noise got muffled and the blonde could hear a shower running.

Thanking the high gods, she took off her shoes quietly and tiptoed her way towards Regina’s door. Before pushing it open, she stopped and eyed the closed bathroom door. She knew very well that she was stepping on someones personal space, something that she would heavily judge someone doing for her. But she just begged that the gesture would be enough to overshadow that fact.

Without further battle with her own mind, she pushed the door open and without looking around she made a beeline to the bed. She dumped the white baggie on the bed before rummaging through her pockets. As she found what she was looking for she pushed it inside the bag and quickly exited the room.

The shower was still running as she came out, which was a relief to say the least. She went inside her own room and closed the door as quietly as possible.

She sat on her bed, waiting for the shower to turn off and the bathroom door to open. When she had carried her things in there earlier today she had realised that it actually made a rather nasty noise when you pulled it open all the way. Emma made a mental note to try and find some oil to fix that, because it was going to create a problem with all the night peeing she did.

Eventually the shower was turned off, the door creaked open and the other bedroom door was closed as well. Emma was half waiting for the brunette to storm into her bedroom, her hair dripping wet, her face red, screaming at her for entering her room. But she didn’t show up.

That had calmed Emma enough to eat as well, as her appetite returned when the nervousness went away. The only sound was the slight rustle of plastic when Emma opened her treats, but after that the apartment quieted down completely.

Thinking back to the previous night made Emma roll around again and sigh. She didn’t know what was going to happen today as she had understood that there was nowhere for Regina to be today either so it would be just them, in their new apartment, alone.

It wasn’t like Emma to be nervous about people but she had taken steps, leaps actually to be able to come to this city, to start in this new job that seemed like something she had wanted to do her whole life. The apartment was amazing and since she was paying for only the half, it came down to be pretty affordable as well. She didn’t want to fuck it up.

Now her stomach was full on screaming and it was already way past the time when she would normally get up. She got dressed extremely slowly, taking her sweet time in choosing her outfit and brushing through her hair. Feeling more than pretty damn presentable, she walked to the door.

With a long inhale, she opened the door and stepped into the living room.

What surprised the young blonde was the fact that the living room was empty. The door to the other bedroom was open which often meant that the room was vacant. But what intrigued Emma the most was the divine smell of freshly cooked breakfast that was coming from their little kitchen area.

Looking around like she was a secret agent, Emma creeped closer, but there was no sign of the beautiful mystery that was her new roommate. Instead there was a big plate on the counter, covered with another plate and a little note next to it.

Emma picked it up quickly and the words on it made her lips pull into a real smile. She could feel her shoulders relax and her heart didn’t feel as pressured.

_Thank you._

It was simple but right now it was enough. Emma hoped that when the other woman came home they would be able to talk about what happened, but right now she was gonna dive head first into this delicious smelling breakfast that was in front of her.

* * *

Regina made it back home around noon. She was carrying a severe number of bags and Emma hurried to help her carry them all through their narrow doorway. Neither of them said anything, but the silence was more comfortable than neither of them had even dared to wish for.

They both grunted and breathed extremely heavy when they made it to the kitchen, but as Regina put down the last of the bags, she said quietly. “Thank you.”

Emma felt the same smile form on her face but she tried her best to hide it. She just hummed before stepping back. She was unsure did Regina need her help but before she could ask or simply walk away, the brunette spoke again.

“Be a dear, and put these in the cupboards next to glasses.”

And Emma did as she was told. Regina had gone for… something that looked like the essentials. Emma knew how to cook, pretty well actually, but Regina had bought _everything_, even things that one might not need unless it was a special meal of some sort. Emma figured Regina must cook even more than her, especially since the breakfast had been to die for. So she said nothing but helped the brunette take apart all the bags and putting the items in their designated places.

“Thank you.” Regina said again and she felt like kicking herself. That was the only thing she could somehow produce but it was starting to get boring and she didn’t want it to lose its meaning. Because she really did appreciate what Emma had done for her yesterday and for her help with the groceries just now.

“You’re welcome.” Emma opted to respond this time. She awkwardly lingered by the kitchen island as Regina was putting the last of the milk in the fridge. There was a massive pull in her heart, to address what had happened yesterday but she didn’t know how to bring it up and better yet, she didn’t know was it all going to blow up on her face again.

But sometimes… you had to be brave. Even when it might mean you had to jump in head first into concrete.

“Umm, Regina…? I thought, if we could… talk about yesterday.” Emma wanted to fist pump after she had gotten her question out because she genuinely felt like such a badass.

Regina had to close her eyes for a second, because she should have known that the breakfast was not going to be cutting it. None the less, she had hoped it would. She had hoped really hard. Of course she wanted to clear the air but there was so much shame surrounding this particular topic and how she had ended up handling it yesterday. But she owed Emma and explanation and apology.

“Alright… I mean, yes, we can talk about it.” Regina felt wary and since there were no groceries to put away, she had no distraction. She could feel the heaviness settle on her chest but she tried her hardest to push it away.

“I don’t mean to pry, I just want to make sure we are cool.” Emma hurried to say as she could see how rigid the other woman got in a space of few sentences.

“We are, I promise.” Regina wanted to reassure the blonde, because they truly were. She had no ill will towards Emma, not for any reason. She was actually very grateful for number of reasons.

Trying to gather herself, Regina opted for the most professional voice before she continued. Sometimes you had to fake it til you made it and that was Regina with her confidence when it came to social situations.

“I should not have yelled at you, I shouldn’t have snapped. There was just no other way for me to handle the situation at the time.”

Emma noticed instantly how the demeanour of the other woman changed like someone had flipped a light switch somewhere deep inside her. She was getting more and more curious by the moment, but the thing that was on top of the pile was what happened yesterday.

“Why did you get upset?”

Regina was getting slightly frustrated because usually when she apologised people forgot what had happened, why they had fought in the first place. That was because they often forgot about her. But Emma was different compared to the people she was used to dealing with. The blonde was human. And clearly deeply curious one at that.

  
“The thing is…” Regina swallowed and for a moment there, she considered lying. But there was no way they would ever survive living together if Emma wasn’t aware of some things, so it was time for the truth. “No one has ever… asked me that before.”

Now Emma was actually getting confused. Not by the words she heard but what it actually meant, since it sounded very odd.

“Asked you what?”

Closing her eyes, Regina lowered her voice, like she was afraid that there were people listening in on their conversation. “No one had ever asked me do I need anything from the store.”

Emma stood there, with her mouth slightly ajar, incredibly unsure was she being made fun of right now or not. She was waiting for some kind of sign from the brunette to give her some kind of direction of how she should react. But there was nothing but silence and a blank stare of those chocolate brown eyes.

Regina wanted to flee. She wanted to get out of the apartment so fast but her feet refused to move. The brunette knew just how insane that sounded, just how silly it all was. It was such a normal, everyday thing some people asked every single day and yet… it caused Regina, a grown woman, to feel so insecure as she came with a lot more baggage than the blonde could even realise. She had to explain.

“I have lived a life where most things have been done for me. The clothes have been washed, the house cleaned…” she paused. “The food has been made. It left me with very few… skills.” Regina could feel the intense blush starting to rise all the way from her chest, up her neck and towards her cheeks. She was so _ashamed_.

  
“I don’t know how to cook very well, which makes grocery shopping a bit of a challenge. And that’s why when you asked me yesterday… I panicked. I have never had anyone ask me that and I didn’t know what I wanted because its a process for me.”

Regina was aware that she was rambling and she wanted desperately to shut up but it seemed that once she started to share it was really hard for her to stop. But thankfully that was when Emma lifted her hand up to silence her.

In any other situation and with any other person, Regina would have caused some bodily harm to whoever dared to interrupt her like that but right now she was very grateful, so she quickly quieted down.

That was a lot to process and it made Emma want to learn more about this mysterious person she was now living with. It was clear that the brunette came from money, if her expensive sheets and seven boxes of clothing were anything to go by. But Emma had never really thought about the other side of being wealthy. It hadn’t even remotely crossed her mind. What did fill her brain, however, was something that made her voice waver.

“So you are saying…” she started, a smile nearly breaking free. “That you went shopping, and came home with five bags of food… And you don’t even know what to do with it?”

She could not hold it in any longer. A loud laugh echoed from the bare white walls as the blonde doubled over and tried to get some air into her lungs between her loud, hyena like laughs. Regina just stood there, dumbfounded at the /nerve/ of this horrible, rude… shit head of a woman who dared to laugh at her insecurities!

But before she could unleash the rage that was now bubbling very close to the surface, Emma straightened herself and even when she was still giggling a little bit, she managed to say. “Good thing I know how to cook then, huh, Your Majesty?”


	4. Chapter 4

Since the ‘grocery incident’ as Emma now liked to call it, things calmed down in the apartment. The blonde apologised for laughing at the brunette, and Regina accepted the apology. Emma asked her was she allowed to cook from the things she brunette had brought home and Regina had cautiously said yes.

But then the blonde started describing all the things she knew how to cook and how she could experiment a lot of new dishes with the ingredients Regina had bough, the brunette had hurried to agree that it would be a waste of Emma’s talents if they just let the food stand in the cupboards.

Regina had told Emma that she would be going out to apply for some jobs, being rather vague about it and the blonde made a mental note to ask more about it later. It felt good to be talking and having it all sorted between them. There was no more unnecessary overthinking from Emma’s part at least but all she wanted to do now was to get to know the other woman better.

But from what she had witnessed for now, it was going to be difficult.

When Regina returned that evening, feeling rather disappointed about how things had gone in the job hunting. But as soon as she opened the door into the apartment there was a delicious smell attacking her senses.

She closed the door quickly, kicking off her heels and pretending not to hurry into the kitchen.

What she saw made her mouth drop open in surprise. The kitchen island was set up for two people, there were several pots on the stove and the blonde woman waltzing around with ease, setting up and preparing dinner.

Regina stood there for a while, taking in her boring white plates that somehow looked very high class in the dim light from the few kitchen lights that Emma had on. The blonde had clearly gone through every single cupboard in the kitchen as there was even cloths folded under the silverware next to the plates. The shiny new pots and pans she had gotten were being well used to host the delicious smell and undoubtedly delicious food that Emma had prepared.

What surprised Regina fully was that there was no clutter. From the complete unorganised mess of the bathroom, you would not guess that Emma Swan would manage to keep the kitchen clean while cooking but here they were.

And Emma… she looked happy. She had a blinding smile on her pale lips, her curly blonde hair was on a bun on top of her head, with only few stands escaping here and there. She was wearing a very similar get up as the one she had wore yesterday, but Regina blushed when she realised that she had looked at the blonde hard enough to be able to tell the difference in fabric of her pants. Fucking hell.

It also seemed that the blonde was wearing an apron and Regina was pretty sure that it was not one of hers, since as they had established she knew very little about cooking. But it somehow fit the ensemble that Emma was sporting.

That was when the blonde noticed her and turned around fully. And that was when Emma saw what was written on the apron she was wearing.

**Worlds hottest chef**

The now familiar blush started to creep on her skin as Regina could not tear her eyes off the black words against the creamy fabric. She hated to admit that she kind of agreed with the apron…

“Welcome home!” Emma seemingly had not noticed that the other woman could barely take her eyes off the apron she was wearing as she went on explaining what she had made for them this evening.

Regina managed to tune in when she mentioned that there would be spaghetti with two different kind of sauces and a salad she had put several things in as Regina had gone pretty nuts on the vegetable department and they had to be eaten pretty fast.

The blonde looked proud of herself and it seemed like she really did have a knack for cooking and Regina has apparently showed up perfectly as the food was about to be served.

Quickly shedding off her jacket and bag, Regina made her way to the sink to wash her hands after the day in the city. She tried to peek into the pots as she washed but Emma shooed her away towards her chair as she wanted to serve the food for Regina.

The brunette was not going to complain as she sat on her chair and waited.

The plate Emma presented with her would put many of the high quality restaurants she had eaten in complete and utter shame. And on top of the beautiful presentation, it seemed like this food was made with a full and happy heart, instead of being mass produced and charged excessively.

After setting the plate down, the blonde asked what she would like to drink with her food as with everything else, Regina had bought a wide range of things the day before. Regina might have been unsure about the food aspect, but with drinks she always knew what she wanted.

Which is why there were several bottles of wine in that fridge accompanied by Regina’s guilty pleasure of various sodas. This meal however seemed to be a fitting time to have some wine.

Emma poured a healthy amount for Regina before getting slightly unsure. The brunette had told her it would be okay for her to cook from the food she bought but this was some high end wine right there and Emma did not want to assume it was alright for her to pour herself some.

She had not been as secretive of her problem as Regina looked at her and smiled. “Its for us to share.”

Emma smiled back and poured herself some, making sure it was way less than what she poured Regina before getting her own plate from the counter. The blonde sat next to the brunette and they both dug into their foods, both in an equally excited manner.

Not only was the food gorgeous looking but it tasted even more amazing if that was somehow possible. The flavours were rich and the consistency was very pleasing. And that paired off with the wine that was Regina’s favourite… yes, Regina was pretty sure it was one of the best meals she had ever had.

Those were not the exact words she used when she complimented Emma, because there was no reason for Emma to get any more cockier than she already was. It seemed thought that the blonde somehow knew exactly what she was thinking if her smirk was anything to go by.

“Oh shut up.” Regina huffed as she forked the remaining bit of her food into her mouth.

All Emma could do was laugh gleefully.

* * *

The following day, Emma woke up later than she had in months, feeling happy and rested. She had delightfully caught up on sleep after getting almost none the night before. It was funny how much your mood affected the sleep you were getting. But yesterday had been a success and good nights sleep was a perfect way to celebrate. 

This morning she actually played all her games, trying to catch up on everything she missed yesterday. She tried not to take her games too seriously especially since they were only _phone_ games but she was very competitive.

There were still the few unopened messages from yesterday on her phone, the numbers above the apps taunting Emma when she closed off her games. She stared at them for a long while before locking her phone and going to get ready for her day.

Regina had told her the night before that she would be going out as soon as she got up in the morning to continue her job search. Emma had wanted to ask more but the brunette had quickly changed the subject back to food and the blonde didn’t want to push.

Either way, it was day two and as she had said, Regina was nowhere to be found in the kitchen or anywhere else in the apartment. Emma thought she would enjoy her day inside, making herself a large breakfast and setting up the massive TV that was no doubt something that Regina had brought with her. No apartment of this price came with a TV that size.

Couple of grilled cheeses and an orange later, the blonde blobbed down on the couch, setting up her Netflix in couple of swift moves. She was rather savvy with technology which was something that was going to help with her new job.

She had been doing odd jobs around the States but what had drawn her to the biggest city in the planet, was the call for journalism. There had been an open spot for a junior writer and technician in one of the biggest papers in the state. Even when Emma had done a lot of different things during her short life, writing was something she had always been super interest about and that’s what she wanted to do. But in order to get established, you had to get your foot between the door and that was not easy in the country this size.

None the less, the people had given her a chance and she had raced down in a few days, ready to work. That was when she had found Regina’s add and here she was.

Tomorrow would be her first day and she wanted to enjoy her day off so she got comfy, leaned her head on the arm rest and got sucked into the wild world of game show of people competing in glass blowing.

* * *

Regina had spend the most of yesterday walking around the surrounding businesses, looking for a job. There would be nothing happening with her education until later when she would apply so in the meantime she needed to find her first proper job.

But as she had suspected, people didn’t really like hearing that this was going to be her first job and that she had no education and zero experience of any kind. There were a lot of people who said that they wished they could help but there was simply no room to hire anyone else, but there were some who simply rudely told her no and even went as far to ask her to leave.

It was more than few times that Regina was going to audibly curse and possibly physically harm some of the ones with a bad mouth and wandering eyes, but she kept her cool and walked away.

After the first day she had still felt pretty optimistic, but as she was heading home on the second day, she was feeling the defeat settle in. She was not a fool, she had done her research and she had been aware from the beginning how hard it was to find a job for even the ones who were highly educated, let alone for someone like her.

There were few more places she had planned on going but she was thinking of skipping it. Emma had off-handedly mentioned the possibility of there being a freshly cooked meal on the table later today as well because she was starting in her new job tomorrow and she wanted to cook properly before things got too busy.

Regina thought back on last night when Emma had whipped up some of the best spaghetti she had ever tasted. She wasn’t sure where exactly they stood now in terms of possible friendship but she knew they were alright after the incident. Regina appreciated the sweet demeanour of the blonde, who didn’t truly make fun of her insecurities even when she had originally laughed. She just took a lead on the things she knew she could help with without making a big deal out of it and Regina was grateful for that.

And Regina would be a filthy liar if she said she didn’t appreciate Emma’s cooking. And her fine arms.

Shaking her head, Regina walked with just a bit more purpose in her steps to the coffee shop that was only some blocks away from the apartment. In the last few days she had stopped there for a cup at least twice a day and she was really liking the atmosphere of the place. It was clean, well maintained, and cheap.

Sitting down on one of the stools by the counter, she put down a pile of her CV’s that she had printed out. There was not a lot to put on there, which she had only realised when she had started writing one but she had listed some of her best qualities.

Regina Mills might not have been the house wife of the year, but she was smart. Really smart. Ever since she was a child her mother had encouraged her on certain things, such as learning about how businesses and stocks work. And she had. Even during her waste of a marriage, she had been well aware of their comings and goings and more often than not, she had turned her husband towards certain winds to make more profit.

Martha Stewart she was not, but if you wanted someone who knew how to run a business, well then she was your girl.

Which is what she had written on her CV but a lot of the business owners around were male and it was somewhat a stab to their fragile little egos to offer her help and expertise.

Even thinking about some of the idiots she had been talking to over the course of two days made Regina roll her eyes. At the same time one of the people who worked in the coffee shop came to stand in front of her, asking what she would like to have.

Regina told her coffee order - which was just normal black coffee, with few delicate drops of cream and two sugars - and the lady on the other side of the counter hurried to make it for her. Leaning her cheek on her hand, she read the papers through over and over again.

Not having a job was something that had never bothered Regina before. Hell, she had been happy she didn’t need to have one as even when married she knew that there was some things she was lacking as a human living in todays society. But she had never gotten the motivation to do anything about it.

Right now though, she wished she had. Because being jobless was actually really terrifying and she felt like she was failing herself. Trying to push those thoughts away, she took a hold of the coffee cup placed in front of her. She smiled her thank you towards the blonde haired woman who leaned a little bit closer.

The other woman snatched one of the CV’s from the counter and before Regina had time to protest, deep voice rasped through. “Looking for a job then?”

“Yes.” Regina said simply, waiting to see how this was going to unfold. She wasn’t fond of strangers but the other woman didn’t seem malicious.

“I might have something for you.” the blonde said, before reading the information. “Regina. We always need smart girls around here. And as you can see, I only hire the fairer sex.”

Now that Regina looked around, she noticed that every single person working there was indeed a woman. And the way this lady was talking seemed that she was the one running this place which made Regina respect her even more.

“You are offering me a job?” she asked, unsure was there any reason to hope.

“Yes, I am.” the blonde said as she folded the CV into the pocket of her apron and extended her hand. “I’m Kristin, nice to meet you.”

Regina took the hand enthusiastically and shook it firmly. She didn’t want to hope too much before they had a proper discussion of salary and terms, and there were two names at the bottom of the paper.

And it seemed that the other woman knew that.

“Lets write up some papers right away. I just had a girl walk out on me and I need you to start filling for her right away.” there was a hint of annoyance in her voice when she talked about the her former employe. “I don’t know what other people do but there will not be a minute of working without contract under my roof. I want to get started, officially and find a best way to utilise your skills.”

Regina felt like every word the other woman spoke were like the most beautiful symphony. She wasn’t quite sure was she even awake since it all seemed way too good to be true. Some people looked for a job for months but somehow she had landed a job in two days. Also it seemed like she would be having a boss that understood her and her employees.

“That would be great.” Regina was just as anxious about having it all settled and sorted, and when Kristin asked her to join her into her office, she gathered her papers and followed after the blonde, trying not to drip in her excitement.

She didn’t know what she was expecting but the dark coloured office was not it. It seemed very misplaced compared to the airy, almost modern feel of the rest of the coffee shop. None the less, she said nothing as she sat down on the chair in front of a massive wooden desk.

It took a moment for Kristin to find the forms she needed for them to fill and while she looked, she filled Regina in on the general bits of the contract they were going to sign. Her salary, her rights, how to give her notice if she wished to leave… Regina listened, attentive and she asked many questions since she wanted to be sure that Kristin would not regret hiring her. She was going to be the best.

Drawing up the contract and signing it, Kristin gave it for Regina to sign. The brunette read through it once again to make sure she had understood everything and that there wouldn’t be some silly loop to con her, but it genuinely seemed like there wasn’t.

“Is there something on your mind?” it had taken Regina some time to read the contract, so it was natural that the other woman was asking.

“I just-“ Regina lifted her gaze. “Why do you want to hire me?”

Kristin sat back and regarded the brunette for a second. Her blonde hair was pulled in a low ponytail and her face was covered in tastefully applied make up. It was funny how her hair was blonde but somehow the complete different shade than the one Emma grew out of her head. These blondes…

“I want to hire you, because you deserve a chance. And I know getting one isn’t easy. We don’t know each other and I don’t know your story, but from what you wrote and how you present yourself, well, I do believe you can bring something great for us here.”

Her tone was so professional but her eyes gave away her sincerity. Regina didn’t know how to respond so instead she wrote down her signature and handed the other copy of it over the table. Kristin took it and laid it down without turning her eyes away from Regina.

“See you next week for your very first day.”

* * *

_Even an angel can end up falling_

_Don't you cry, because you're crawling_

_Start again, it's a beautiful morning_

_For satellites_

_Even an angel can end up falling_

_Don't you cry, because you're crawling_

_Start again, it's a beautiful morning_

_For satellites_

Emma was jumping around the kitchen, singing along to one of her favourite oldies but goodies. Her Spotify was very helpful when it came to re-discovering some high quality music and this song was a prime example. Emma was rather picky when it came to music but the songs that she liked, she listened over and over again and it was impossible to get bored of them.

Taking a bunny worthy jump in the beat of the music, she landed next to the oven before she doubled over to peak in. Her blonde hair came down with one massive woosh, blocking her view. Jumping up, she checked the timer she had set. There would still be ten good minutes before she would check again.

Reaching for a small towel she had found in the linen closet Regina had mentioned, she proceeded to slide around the kitchen, her socks giving her the extra speed she needed. She wiped each countertop well, before proceeding to dance around the kitchen island, wildly waving her hands. There was no instance in her life, where Emma danced when there were other people around. She knew her moves were horrible, but when she was alone, she didn’t care.

It was the last evening before she started in her new job and she had tried to keep herself busy the entire day, you know, for distractions and in order to relax a little bit. She had enjoyed Netflix from what could only be called the biggest TV she had ever seen and she braised Regina for having excellent taste in electronics. Eventually she had gotten hungry though and it conveniently was around the time Regina had returned yesterday from her job hunt.

Emma calmed down as she leaned her hip against the counter, now completely ignoring the music that was still blasting away. It was curious how things had worked out with her new roommate. And now she was actually excited to see Regina return home and try some more of her cooking.

Thinking back to last night, a smug smile spread on her face. It had been so clear that Regina really enjoyed the meal she had prepared but it almost caused the other woman physical pain to give her a compliment and that excited Emma, if she was being purely honest.

Of course Regina was gorgeous, like really motherfucking gorgeous, but Emma tried to steer away from any other notions when it came to the other woman. They barely knew each other.

Which brought Emma to another discovery she had made last night. They had shared a bit of small talk and slight bantering while having dinner and they had touched some normal, every day subjects. And after the dinner was over, Emma found that she wanted to know more. Like infinitely more.

Regina was a mystery, like she often called her in her head. From her face and body language you could read a lot but after you did, you realised you knew nothing. And you just wanted more.

That could have been interpreted in a lot of ways but the way Emma meant it was that she wanted to get to know this woman. A woman who came from money. A woman who bought 25 eggs in one go from the grocery store. A woman who owned seven same pair of white sheets. A woman who seemed to have no personal belongings even when she owned a huge amount of things.

A sweet mystery.

It wasn’t like Emma to be curious about people. Sure she was curious about gossip and other things, but she had hardly ever spared a second thought on people. Mostly because she had never really shared a long meaningful connection with another person, but also because her lifestyle took her around the country and she was never anywhere for long. And that was how she preferred it. But she knew that if this job were to take off, she would be happy to stay here, in this city. And it would be nice to have a proper friend.

It was then that the door opened and closed swiftly and a pair of heels were promptly kicked off only a second later. Emma knew that sound by now, since that always accompanied the arrival of the small brunette.

But there was a weird charge in the air, like something suddenly radiated the apartment and before Emma could ask what it was, the said brunette rounded the corner and came to stand in the kitchen.

There was a smile. The widest, toothiest, happiest smile Emma had ever seen on anyones face. And damn it was beautiful.

  
“Emma!” it was clear that Regina was beyond excited about something and she wanted desperately to share that with someone. “You never guess what happened today!”

Emma was too stunned to speak but it seemed like Regina was not expecting her to answer as she launched into a story about her day, including so many details of various people that it was somewhat hard for Emma’s brain to follow.

To catch her breath, the brunette kept a considerable pause in her story which allowed Emma to be completely focused on her when she announced that she had been offered a job in a coffee house down the street. She spend a while describing the coffee shop, how she loved the colours of the walls and the decor, but then she focused her story on the owner of the said shop.

The blonde didn’t want to feel the way she was feeling, but she felt indifference and slight annoyance raise to the surface as Regina described the /blonde/ owner and her future boss with very much detail. It seemed like Emma’s roommate had paid quite a bit of attention to this woman and it was clear that this woman of the coffee shop had liked Regina enough offer her a job just like that. And in this world, and this economy - that never happened.

The absolute joy and proudness on the brunettes face melted all of Emma’s annoyance off though, because the brunette had found a job. And from what she had just mentioned, she had never had one. And Emma was proud.

Regina had finished her story and she was expecting some kind of reaction from her roommate. As soon as she had walked out of the coffee shop her first thought had been to tell Emma. It was an interesting sensation since she had never had a person she wanted to tell exciting news to even when she had friends in her previous circles.

Emma was more of a friend to her after two days than any of those women had been in almost ten years and she didn’t know should she have laughed or cried when she realised that.

Instead she had hurried home to tell the only person who would actually care.

Emma didn’t know for sure what to say so instead she decided to test her luck. She opened her arms, praying this wasn’t going to end up in a smack down later. But to her surprise, Regina nearly surged to hug her and Emma gave her a quick squeeze before laughing.

“I’m really proud of you.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was a weird sensation for Regina, being hugged like this. She couldn’t even remember the last time that happened and when it felt so genuine. Sure they didn’t know each other that well, but there was already a level of care much greater than Regina had had with many other people in her life.

And she appreciated that.

“Thank you.” she whispered back as she squeezed Emma just a little bit tighter.

The hug wasn’t overly long and when they stepped away from each other, it felt natural and the energy between them was comfortable.Regina couldn’t help but smile a little bit as she quickly thought back to how awkward it had been when they first met.

“Shit!” was suddenly shouted as Emma surged towards the oven. She slipped on oven mitts and hurried to open the door and pull out what seemed to be a big casserole dish, content unknown for now.

It seemed that whatever it was, had been saved, because Emma stepped back with a wide smile on her face. A delicious smell started making its way around the kitchen and Regina could feel her stomach rumble and she just hoped that Emma had not noticed.

“I made you dinner.” Emma said as she set up rest of the things she had carried to the kitchen island. The atmosphere was a bit different from yesterday but it was just as polished and amazing, and Regina couldn’t wait to have a taste of whatever Emma had created for them today.

Regina wasted no time washing her hands and sliding on a chair that was slowly but surely becoming her spot. In complete silence, Emma served her a plate of lasagna and poured a healthy amount of wine into her glass before sitting down next to her with her own plate.

It took few very paced forkfuls and hidden moans, before Regina opened her mouth to speak again. “How was your day?”

Emma told wild stories about the show she had been watching, probably using way too much time on the details but Regina didn’t seem to mind as she looked at her wide eyed, without blinking, listening attentively. That somehow fuelled Emma to tell her more, about what she had read online and eventually about how she decided to cook this specific thing today.

Regina realised that she very much enjoyed listening Emma speak. There was certain tone that the woman used when telling a story and it was entertaining. Also, whatever show Emma had been watching today really made Regina curious as it seemed like something she might enjoy. That would be what she did tomorrow because her hunt for a job had officially ended and she needed to wait to start anyway.

“… and that is how we ended up here after this magical day.” Emma finished and pushed a massive bite of lasagna into her mouth before struggling heavily to munch down the bite.

Regina rolled her eyes before sighing. “You eat like a child.”

“But I like lasagna.” Emma _somehow_ managed to say with her cheeks full and a wide smile on her face. Regina rolled her eyes again but she couldn’t really be that annoyed.

After dinner they cleaned up together and Emma started making the necessary preparations for her first day of work. She packed her bag, putting in her writing equipment and every single bit of technology that she thought she might need.

There was also a sensible outfit that she had gotten specifically for this job as she wanted to present well and she hanged it up in the living room. Regina was sitting on the couch, pretending to read one of her books but her eyes kept going to the other woman who was frantically going in an out of her room, clearly trying to get ready but she looked more and more panicked each minute.

Regina wished she had any words of encouragement but for this topic, she quite literally didn’t have anything wise to say. Hell, in few days she would be the one needing a pep talk as she would be freaking out starting her new job.

“When do you start tomorrow?” Regina wasn’t sure which part of her body granted the permission for this question to be voiced, but as she pulled her lips tightly together she realised she was actually genuinely curious and wanted to know.

“Uhm,” Emma stopped by the couch and brushed her fingers through her messy hair. “I need to be there 9 am sharp, but it’s all the way in the centre so I have to leave at least hour and a half before that.”

“When will you be home?” was the next question and Regina felt like this one was more natural than the first one.

Emma sat down on the opposite end of the couch before pulling her legs up and turning her body towards Regina. “Since it’s my first day and they are only showing me the ropes, I will be leaving at 3 pm, but yeah, it takes time to make it home since it’s rush time.”

“Well, will you let me know if you are held? It would be nice to know when you return.” Regina said as she looked back down on the book.

Interesting.

“I will send you a text if the commute ends up being crazy.” Emma smiled and pulled her legs up to her chest. “God, I’m so nervous. I have worked a lot and been the new girl so many times I cannot even count, but this is different. It’s like life dream type of bullshit.”

That made Regina curious. She knew in general what Emma would be working in but she hadn’t known that it was that serious. Life dreams were big dreams and now all that running made perfect sense. Of course the blonde wanted to do her very best in a platform that could lead to reaching her goals.

“Emma,” Regina started and put the book down on the table after turning a corner of the page she was on. “I can’t really give you any advice on the job front as we both know I have no experience. But I can tell you, that you have nothing to be worried about.”

“No? How’s that?” Emma really wanted and needed to hear what Regina was going to say. It wasn’t often that she was nervous but like said this was going to be big and important and it would be setting the course for the rest of her dream career.

“Because during these few days I have known you, you have shown kindness and that quality alone will take you far in this cold, rude world.” Regina smiled warmly. “Not to mention that you are definitely persistent and I have no doubts about your intelligence.” Regina noticed that she was slightly losing her red string as she was talking but decided to go on anyway. “They are going to feel lucky to have you in their ranks.”

Emma sat there, pressing her lips tightly into her knees. There were a lot of things happening inside her brain right now, but the what made its way to the top of the pile was gratefulness. She was grateful to have come across Regina’s add and she was grateful that the other woman deemed her worthy of a person to accept her as her roommate. She was grateful that even when their steps were a bit weird and backwards, that they were becoming friends.

“Thank you.” Emma whispered. “I really appreciate that.”

Regina smiled and there was a tiniest bit of a nod. “Remember that in few days when I will start my job.”

Emma laughed loudly and uncurled her legs, which in turn made her entire being somehow shine and she was breathing a little bit easier. Yes, grateful was definitely the word.

“What are you going to wear?” Regina asked as she got more comfortable on the couch as Emma launched into another explanation.

They spend their evening in the living room together, talking about Emma’s new job and all the other jobs the blonde had held before it. It amazed Regina that someone so young had done so much. It seemed like there wasn’t a thing or a place that Emma hadn’t seen. Her previous jobs and her unrooted life had taken the other woman all around the country, meeting people, seeing things and learning new skills.

Regina couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of jealousy because she hadn’t done anything. Like for real, compared to Emma, she had done nothing with her life and it made a certain pressure settle on her shoulders. Yes, she knew she shouldn’t let it bother her since they were two very different people and you weren’t meant to compare yourself to others, but it was proving to be more difficult than she thought.

She wanted to be able to do all these things and travel, and see the world. She wanted to better herself and become the version of herself that she had always dreamed of. And she felt immerse proudness that she had taken those steps towards it, which in her case meant a divorce and abandoning her old life.

It was getting very late at that point and Regina could feel herself getting tired beyond belief. It had been an intense day and there was a lot of processing for her brain to do.

“I think I have to head to bed.” an actual, real life yawn escaped her then.

Emma thought the older woman looked absolutely adorable when she yawned, or more like tried to hide it. But she failed miserably and that just made Emma smile all the wider.

“I think so too. It’s going to be an early up for me tomorrow.” Emma said as she looked down on her phone and wrinkled her nose when she thought about the morning commute. It was going to be busy.

“You go ahead and have the first round in the bathroom, you are the working one.” Regina managed a small wink, which was quickly taken over by an even bigger yawn.

“I think you might have to be the first one, Your Majesty.” Emma laughed. “I still have some last minute packing up to do.”

Regina wasn’t going to start and argument because the sudden tiredness that had hit her was overpowering her. She did her very best to be as fast as possible because she knew that Emma needed her rest - she had told her so herself.

Over the course of one evening they had managed to get to know each other so much better. It had been a real stepping stone to say the least, which Regina was really delighted about. She had made a friend, she felt.

Emma watched as the brunette disappeared into the bathroom and as she creaky door closed, she let the huge smile she had been holding in, spread wide on her face. She felt like they had definitely gone forward and all the fear of them possibly not getting along were out the window. Regina was sweet, but one could see there were so many gears turning in her head and definitely couple of good solid layers soldering her heart. Getting to know personal details about the other woman wasn’t easy but Emma decided then and there that it would be her personal mission.

Because Regina was the mystery she wanted to solve.

* * *

The following morning came sooner than Emma would have hoped. She was up early like she always was but her nerves had barely given her one hour of decent sleep during the entire night. While getting dressed, she tried to think about the sweet words Regina had spoken the night before and she found herself feeling just a little bit better. 

Dressing smartly was somewhat a foreign territory for Emma, but she had gone all out on her office friendly attire. She tried and failed a couple of times with tucking her white shirt in her smart black slacks. When she was satisfied, she made much quicker process with the tie she had decided she would want to wear.

She had brushed her hair to high ponytail and while sitting by the window of her bedroom, she applied the tiniest, most tasteful amount of make up on her eyelids and lips. She wasn’t big on make up but for today, she would do this.

Shrugging on her blazer, she lifted her bag on her shoulder. Normally she always had breakfast, but she felt like she was too nervous and in a rush to eat right now so she decided she would only make some coffee for the road. Commute via public transportation was somewhat hellish and Emma was not the most patient person when it came to her fellow passengers. But that was another thing she needed to get used to.

Emerging from her room, she was struggling to fit the last bit of her leather belt through the loops of her pants. It shouldn’t have been so hard but when she finally managed and lifted her gaze, she froze.

Regina was standing in the kitchen, gently swaying to the beat of a song floating from a speaker that Emma used while cooking. It was loud enough to hear if you entered the kitchen area but low enough not to bother anyone else in the apartment. Emma couldn’t make up the song but the beat was low and calm, exactly what one needed this early in the morning.

What nearly made Emma drop her bag was the toaster flying two pieces of bread in the air. It hadn’t surprised the brunette however as she quickly fished them out and spread a hefty amount of jam on each side before gently pushing them together.

Emma couldn’t see Reginas face fully as her back was turned towards her but she could see a slight upturn of lips.

She was so adorable, what the fuck.

That was when Emma cleared her throat to make herself known and Regina turned around, blushing just the tiniest of bits. The blonde only now noticed that she was wearing a blue flannel pyjamas, which somehow seemed very out of place for the regal, high fashion, goddess type of beauty that was her roommate.

“I made you breakfast.” Regina said sweetly, setting the plate of toast in front of the blonde. She also reached for a to-go-mug and set it next to the plate. There was nothing worse than morning in a public transportation and if Emma’s timing was anything to go by, she would be running late if she stayed in the kitchen for too long.

Emma had no idea how the brunette had timed it all so well, but she also didn’t care as she dropped her bag carelessly on the ground and surged towards the chair to munch down on the toast. She smiled between the bites because she had off-handedly mentioned yesterday that she liked her breakfast to be fast, sweet and with a side of bitter. Which for Emma meant toast with only jam and black coffee.

Regina reached out for her own cup of coffee, using both of her hands to tip her yellow morning cup and taking a deep sip from her drink. She had debated half the night with what she wanted to do, but eventually making Emma breakfast had won out. The blonde had been feeding her well and she wanted to do something nice in return. Plus, it was going to be a big day for her roommate and sometimes all you needed was a smile.

Emma had devoured her toast in precise four-bite-system like she always did in the morning and she was wiping the crumbs off her shirt and tie. It was insane that the brunette had remembered something that she had mentioned as a part of a bigger story and she had gotten up early to surprise her.

“This was amazing.” Emma beamed as she wiped the last of the crumbs off of her. There was no way she was showing up to the office wearing her breakfast. “You are the best.”

Regina felt a slight blush rising to her cheeks as she took another hurried sip of her coffee. She had been slightly unsure was this somehow overstepping but seeing the blonde smile made it all definitely worth her while.

“There is something for you in the fridge.” she muttered, barely audible but Emma caught it. It made her furrow her brow but she got up and opened the fridge.

Inside, dap in the middle laid a plastic box, post-it laying on it with Emma’s name on it. The blonde took it, feeling just the tiniest bit suspicious but as soon as she opened the box, even bigger smile spread on her face.

Regina couldn’t see the expression and the silence was slowly and surely killing her. “I thought that you might be feeling cheerier with something to eat while you are at work. I don’t know do you actually have time to eat or will you even like it but…” she trailed off once again as the blonde turned around with the biggest smile on her face.

“I stand by what I said before.” she said dramatically as she used her foot to push the door closed. “You are the best.”

That was when Emma’s phone started ringing in her pocket. It was one of the preset ring tones that every phone had and it was absolutely horrible. Regina felt her ears protest and she reared her head back just the tiniest of bits.

Emma pulled her phone out and turned off her alarm. She always wanted to have one five minutes before she needed to be out of the house, for the off chance she got stuck doing something, like playing her games or reading news on her phone.

“I have to go.” Emma said as she tried to fit the box of food into her bag. Even the idea of enjoying that chicken salad later was filling her with happiness. She was a huge fan of food and she couldn’t wait to ask Regina about it later when she came home.

“Have a good day.” Regina said and with a last parting smile, the blonde was out of the door.

* * *

Regina was _bored_. She had already finished the brief gaming show Emma had mentioned and it was just barely past noon. Right now the only thing she wanted to do was to get to work. She, however, had to wait til Monday and it was killing her. 

Sure she was nervous but the overpowering feeling was excitement. It seemed like she would be working under someone who already appreciated her enough and was willing to take her on when almost everyone else had rejected her.

Rolling around on the couch, she reached for her phone that was on the living room table. Sometimes she was unsure why she owned a phone since there were very few people ever texting her or calling her. Sometimes her high end friends did but ever since the divorce she hadn’t heard a peep. And she had known that it was going to be a part of the deal.

It had not even been something Regina cared about because if they were better friends they would have been there for her with a lot more during the past ten years. But they hadn’t.

She threw her phone on the table and let out a huge sigh.

But as soon as the phone hit the table there was a sound and Regina nearly rolled off the couch in surprise. She didn’t even remember what kind of sounds her phone made and she tried to push away the sadness of that fact. Instead she reached for the phone and there was a message.

It only said the number but as soon as she read the beginning of the message she knew who it was from.

Emma.

**Thanks again for the salad. It was the one thing keeping me going today. It’s been insane!**

There was an emoji at the end of the message that Regina didn’t recognise but it seemed to be in some kind of agony if the facial expression was anything to go by. She wanted to respond right away because it was a welcome distraction from her boredom and she really wanted to hear how it was going.

You are welcome. It can’t be that bad, can it?

**Oh, it’s been great, don’t get me wrong, but there is so much information being thrown at me that its hard to keep up.**

Emma took only seconds to reply which indicated that she was indeed having her lunch break. Regina knew it wouldn’t last forever so she did her best to answer quickly. Emma seemed to come with endless amount of different emojis but Regina found that she wasn’t sure how to use them properly, so she completely refrained from it.

They were texting back and forth for a while before Emma told Regina that she needed to get back to work and out of respect she was going to put her phone away. Regina typed faster than ever and wished her a good day.

And then, it was silent again. No notification sounds, the tv had even turned itself off. It was so silent, it was almost loud and Regina had a massive urge to scream from the bottom of her lungs just to shake it up.

That was when there was yet another message sound. Regina picked up her phone quickly and saw another message from Emma.

**Thanks.**

And it was paired off with a woman who seemed to be dancing, wearing a very red dress.

It left Regina staring as she had no idea what it could even possibly mean, but during their brief conversation she had accepted that there were a lot of things she needed to learn about the modern correspondence. Maybe she would even ask Emma about it when she came home.

While staring, the brunette felt almost uncomfortable with the lack of warmth having only Emma’s number represent the woman on her phone. It was so impersonal and she hastily pressed it to change it.

There was a lot of phone staring happening as she just couldn’t take her eyes off the empty space that required her to write up a name.

Typing quickly she managed to type Emma without making any mistakes but before pressing save, she halted. Her fingers hovered over the screen before she started to furiously scroll. It took her embarrassingly long but before he knew it she had slapped an emoji to end Emma’s name with before she confidently hit save.

Emma 💃🏼


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next couple of days, the two woman fell into a nice routine with Regina preparing them both breakfast and sending Emma off with a sweet smile. The blonde didn’t complain one bit as she ended up getting the breakfast she liked and she made extra effort to make it out of her room a bit earlier each morning so she had time to exchange couple of words with the brunette before heading out again.

Regina knew she didn’t have to do any of the things she was doing for Emma but the excited little jump that Emma did when she came from her room and saw breakfast was somewhat addicting if she was honest with herself. It was such a simple thing to do, because the blonde just wanted toast and jam with black coffee and each morning she was just as delighted as she had been on the first morning.

The brunette wanted to come up with something a little more… extravagant, for the weekend but she was obviously severely limited because of her ability to cook. But they lived in the modern world where one could order almost anything and someone would be delivering it to your door. Which is how she managed to acquire her rather gorgeous and ‘fucking tasty’ - as Emma had referred to it - chicken salad. So maybe this would be the answer to her problem.

While Emma was at work, the brunette had taken it upon herself to walk around their new neighbourhood wanting to get to know every little side road and park, because this would be her home now. Which was the thing that felt the most weird because she had lived in many places during her life but this was the first time she truly felt at home somewhere.

This new life sure came with interesting sensations.

She was walking down the street when she passed a parked yellow VW bug. It reminded her instantly of the blonde hair and the wide smile. Shaking her head, Regina got new speed to stomp down the street, trying to get Emma out of her head.

Once Regina had started doing nice things for the blonde, it was almost physically painful for her to even think about stopping. But she realised that she lacked real knowledge of the blondes likes and dislikes so she hoped that maybe she would be getting to know Emma a little bit better this weekend as they would both be home.

They were also texting a lot more now which didn’t help Regina at all, but she found it absolutely charming. Before she had often just left her phone for a day only to come back to zero messages but now, it was like the phone was the extension of her arm. She didn’t want to miss out on a possible message from Emma.

And Emma did message her. Like a clockwork at noon, every single day when she was at work. She caught Regina up on the newest gossip from the office which she was already very aware of having been there for less than a week. They exchanged dinner related chit chat as well as mutually hoping that the public transportation wasn’t going to delay Emma’s arrival at home. Simple things really, but none the less Regina always smiled through the entire conversation.

It was Friday afternoon, which marked the end of a very busy week for Emma. Regina was out reading in the new park she had found today, and she pulled her phone from her purse when she heard a buzz. That was Emma, letting her know she had left like she always did.

Regina frowned a little bit because that made her think back on their conversation from earlier today. Some of Emma’s coworkers had invited her out for drinks tonight and Emma had agreed to go. In her texts Emma had seemed a bit indifferent about the entire thing but Regina could sense the excited undertone.

Regina didn’t know how she felt about it if she was honest with herself.

Her dinner plans for tonight were definitely canceled, that she knew. Maybe they would have a chance to eat together again later during the weekend. There was also a show on Netflix that Regina thought would make Emma laugh and she had been trying her hardest not to watch it before they could watch together.

But she was getting more and more sure all of this was her boredom talking because she had spend the entire week alone. She had watched more TV in one week than she had in ten years and that scared her. There had been a lot of senseless cleaning and organising but since they had just moved in, it was all pointless. Sure she missed company, but she would never let Emma in on that.

So when Emma had mentioned it, Regina had told her to have fun and she had even added a smiley face for good measure - yeah, she was getting the hang of it now.

The blonde had told her she would be still coming home for a change and getting ready and they would meet later in the city. There were also several food related emojis and when Regina proceeded to ask the blonde about them, the other woman ignored her.

So as soon as Regina had texted the blonde back, she put her book in the safety of her purse and got up. The walk back to the apartment took her longer than she thought, having ventured out into some new places today. Getting tired of walking in her heels, she jumped on a bus but they ended up being stuck in traffic. She almost wished she would have walked.

Speed walking could be listed as one of her skills and she rolled her eyes as she left other people in her dust, as soon as she stepped out of the bus. If she had not gotten the job, she would have probably added it into her CV and the truth of that statement made Regina roll her brown eyes. Thankfully she was close to home now though, her purse hitting her side slightly.

As she rounded the corner of their building she saw someone she could recognise anywhere and that was all thanks to that goddamn mess of blonde hair. On her first day of work Emma had it all well brushed and in a very tasteful ponytail but after that she let it all flow free.

Which in combination with her blazer, slacks and for some reason Converse, made the most appealing visual. The whole image was not helped with the leather bound shoulder bag that held many of her office supplies and a wide range of electronics the blonde insisted she needed.

So captured Regina was by the vision in front of her that she didn’t realise that the said vision was calling her name. Only when she was close enough to the blonde to see her lips move, did her brain manage to clock back in.

“Regina, helloooo?” Emma was making her voice higher pitched than it normally was. “Are you blind?”

_Oh thank god not, because otherwise I couldn’t see all this_ Regina thought before smiling at Emma. They were almost face to face at that point and stopped just an arm length from each other.

“Well, hello to you too.” Regina said sarcastically, feeling her soul settle.

“What were you thinking? I called your name like ten times.” Emma said smiling as well, because for the first time ever her body was filled with a feeling. A very specific feeling.

“I don’t know to be honest.” Regina lied. Only then did she notice that the blonde was carrying something other than her work bag. “What have you got there?”

“This, Your Majesty.” the blonde said dramatically, lifting up the white plastic bag. “Is the best take out you will ever have, I promise you.”

Now all the random emojis seemed to make sense. Regina was suspicious but the blonde had not led her astray with food before and she didn’t think the other woman would start now.

“I trust you.” and Regina found it slightly funny that she did. It was weird how it took to have one significant, nice person in her life to open the gates of normal life and humanity that she had been lacking for nearly 30 years. She tried to push that from her mind though, because it wasn’t the time for crisis right now when she was standing face to face to her friend.

“Oh, you should. I’m amazing.” Emma said and quickly reached for the purse Regina was carrying before sprinting towards the front door. Regina was too stunned to say anything but she followed quickly after the blonde. They walked up the stairs together, Emma chatting about her day and Regina simply listening.

It seemed like Emma was really feeling the magic of her new work place and her coworkers. Through text she had been slightly indifferent about the night out but now it was clear that she was getting excited. Regina felt like something had added on her chest and she was feeling increasingly worse by the minute.

They reached the door and Regina passed Emma to open the door since the other woman had all their bags. She let the blonde go in first, before locking the door behind her. The blonde didn’t waste a second to set up dinner, not letting it bother her story time.

The brunette did her best to keep up but she couldn’t help but feel horrible. It felt like she wanted to scream but her heart was being needled so she couldn’t. There was also slight burning behind her eyes and she was unsure what she should do now, but as seconds went by she was getting more convinced that maybe she should be calling an ambulance.

“… I do need you though.”

Regina had not been listening so she had no idea what the blonde was talking about and it must have been clear from her face because Emma looked at her for a while blankly. Then she spaced her question to slow it down for Regina.

“I need your help. Because I want to look nice. And I don’t know what to wear.” Emma found it slightly entertaining that the woman standing in their shared kitchen had no idea what was going on. Regina was usually someone who had all the strings in her hand and she presented a very poised shell to the outside world and it all just added into the humour of their current situation.

The brunette was truly a gorgeous being and Emma found it more and more distracting as the days went by. She had been out in the neighbourhood today like they had discussed this morning but when Emma had left she had dolled a different colour flannel pyjama set. The blonde had no idea how many this woman owned but she looked adorable in each of them. But now, her hair was done and her make up was perfection. She was oozing glamour and every single piece of clothing she wore was immaculate. Even after traveling with public transportation.

“I-“ Regina was slightly stunned because there was warmth spreading all over her body and she wanted the sensation to calm down before she spoke. “I would love that.”

Emma smiled and made quick work in setting up their take out which ended up being Chinese. She had opted for fried rice for them to share as well as some fried chicken. Regina loved herself some take out, and even when she had lived eating some after she left her old life behind, she would _never_ say no to fried rice. And she hated herself for it slightly.

They ate while chatting about the city and the rest of Emma’s day, but as soon as they were done and Emma mentioned a shower so she could get ready for her night out, Regina could feel the heaviness on top of her chest again.

Emma hurried to the bathroom and as the shower was turned on, Regina speed walked into her own room and sat on her bed.

She didn’t know why she was feeling this way as she wanted to be happy for Emma for fitting in so well when the blonde had been so nervous before she started. But right now the only thing she could feel was overwhelming sadness. She didn’t want Emma to go, but she wasn’t sure why that was.

When the shower turned off, Regina waited for the tale tell sound of Emmas door closing but it didn’t happen. Instead there was a soft knock on her door and Regina nearly fell from her bed. She hurried to open and behind it stood Emma Swan, her hair wet and her naked body wrapped in a thin white towel.

Regina’s eyes had hard time concentrating on anything else except on the droplets of water that escaped the still wet strands of blonde. One of them made it past her neck and sped up towards where Emma’s breasts lay hidden under the towel that Regina was pretty sure was hers.

When Emma pushed some of the falling hair off her face, Reginas eyes zeroed on the huge pools of green and the stare she got in return was hypnotic. There was intensity that the brunette wasn’t expecting and it was leaving her a little light headed.

“Will you also help me do my hair?”

“Of course.” Regina whispered even more quietly.

They stood there for an awkwardly long time and it was only when Regina cleared her throat that Emma was kicked in the gear and she stammered incoherently before disappearing from Regina’s doorway.

There was a slam of a door and Regina quickly closed her own before pressing her back against it and sliding down.

She needed to get it together.

Before it was humanly possible, Emma was back behind her door, knocking gently asking was she ready. No, she was not. She was fucking not but there was no way she could say that to Emma without ruining her night out and possibly putting a strain on the bond they had created.

“I’ll be right there.” she was proud that her voice didn’t waver as she held onto the wall to steady herself. She pressed her own cheeks with the tips of her pointer fingers a couple of times. Smile smile smile. Smile.

It was so much easier said than done but maybe Emma wasn’t able to notice that she wasn’t on the best of moods. Opening the door she was expecting to see Emma standing on the other side but the younger woman was nowhere to be seen.

Walking a quick round in the kitchen she almost called out for the blonde but it seemed like Emma beat her to it.

“I’m here, Regina.”

Regina had only been there when she moved in but ever since it had become Emma’s space, she had not entered the room. She couldn’t say that she hated how the room looked because she didn’t but it was severely different from her own, sort of minimalistic style. Emma had made her room into a somewhat of a nest if you could call it that.

The things she had brought in her few boxes has been efficiently spread all over the room, creating a warm, inviting energy. She had moved her bed next to the window and there were piles of books leaning the opposite wall. The boxes had clearly contained a good amount of fairy lights because they were the primary light source in the room even when the blonde definitely had a good ceiling lamp.

There was a small walk in closet where one could hang their clothes as well as a drawer for the rest of the clothes and when Regina entered she found that she once again couldn’t find the blonde anywhere. It was getting slightly frustrating considering Regina was already feeling shaky but then she heard rustling from the walk in closet.

Emma emerged, holding more clothes than Regina would have thought. She was either a very good at packing or then she had managed to carry in more boxes than Regina had realised.

The blonde hair was peaking from around the mountain of clothes, definitely drier but not yet completely. Emma dumped all that she was holding onto the bed and when she straightened, Regina almost turned around and ran out of the room.

The blonde was only wearing a black bra with a matching lace panties and she was breathing heavily after the mighty feat of carrying clothes. And then she turned to Regina and smiled brightly.

“I have a lot of stuff.” Emma clearly thought that the stunned look on Regina’s face had something to do with the amount of clothes she had but little did she know.

“I can see that.” Regina managed to say as she walked closer, trying not to care that her friend and roommate was standing there almost bare and without a care in the world.

Emma launched herself into a tirade about her clothes and when Regina went through them the blonde sat down on the bed, waiting for a verdict.

“What kind of place are you going to?” Regina asked as she tried to sort some of the clothes out, really trying her best to actually be helpful.

“Well, Jenny said it was the best bar in town, so god really knows what that means.” Emma rolled her eyes. “I wanna look good but I don’t want my ass to be hanging out, you know.”

“Then why is this here?” Regina said and lifted up a red dress that was so short you could almost call it a tank top rather than a dress.

Emma smirked and shrugged. Regina rolled her eyes to hide the slight off beat of her heart and turned to go through the rest of the clothes the blonde had brought.

The green eyed woman had a lot of nice clothes, some of them even something Regina would wear. And the brunette was very specific about her style, so that was the highest compliment Emma was ever going to get. But out of all the clothes, there was one thing that stood out and Regina was sure it was going to be the one.

“This one.”

Emma stood up to see what was on the other side of the mountain of clothes Regina had build on her bed and raised her eyes to the brown ones.

“Are you sure?”

“I have never been more sure in my life.”

Emma nodded before snatching the black dress and slipping her long legs in it. The dense fabric seemed to be sliding up perfectly and Regina busied herself with straightening the rest of the clothes.

“Will you zip me up?”

Regina raised her eyes to see a bare back presented at her and she willed her hands to stop sweating as she did quick work with the zipper. The blonde turned around and did a bit of sway of her hips and flipped her hair.

Regina smiled because Emma really did look beautiful. The black leather hugged her body and the blonde hair was a perfect contrast to the darkest colour on earth. But what made Regina’s smile widen was the all-teeth-smile on Emma’s face as she skipped towards the mirror that was hanging on the inside of her closet door.

“Do you think I will impress with this dress?” Emma said, brushing her hands against the tight leather fabric before she spun around to face the mirror.

“Oh, I’m sure you will.” Regina said before telling Emma to sit down so they could work on her hair. The blonde didn’t really care how it looked so Regina got to do as she pleased.

When she had first seen Emma, her attention had been on the wild blonde hair and later she had wondered how the woman who owned so many hair product managed to look like a scarecrow.

But within a week, the blonde hair became the main quality that always reminded her of Emma. Everything that was yellow became an instant connection to her roommate and she couldn’t really help it.

But this was the first time she was touching it and now she understood. When they met it must have been just a bad hair day for Emma because the blonde curls were soft and lush. Regina wanted to keep brushing her fingers through them for much longer than she did but she didn’t want to come off creepy so she worked quickly to create a braid crown on top of Emma’s head. It would be nicer and easier for the blonde to manage later and it did help that they looked absolutely gorgeous.

Emma got up and strode in front of a mirror. “Holy shit Regina, you got some real talent there! You will be doing my hair all the time from now on!”

Regina felt a pleased blush raise on her cheeks as she examined the pleased smile on Emma’s face as she posed around the mirror, looking extremely beautiful.

The make up the blonde applied was literally only lipstick and eyeliner, and Regina was feeling outraged. She needed to spend some actual time on perfecting her make up whereas Emma Swan just swiped some on her face and looked amazing.

Only when the blonde reached for her bag did Regina remember that the other woman would be going out for the night.

And her stomach dropped.

“I have to get going since I have to go almost all the way back and it’s Friday.” Emma picked up things she would need. “I’m such lightweight that I’ll be back sooner rather than later.”

Regina had not moved from her spot by the bed, when Emma shrugged on a jacket and came closer. She was glowing, and Regina forgot for a moment how breathing worked.

“You don’t have to wait up for me.” Emma winked as she finished strapping on her shoe and walked closer.

“What makes you think I would?” Regina asked, staring blankly at the blonde.

That threw Emma for a tail spin for a second because Regina’s poker face was impeccable. Then a wide grin spread on the red lips and Emma used her purse to swat at Regina.

“You don’t have to be mean.” she huffed because the brunette had really gotten her there. She had been only half joking because at least there would be someone to make sure she made it back safe. She had never had that before and even when she was more than capable of taking care of herself, she had not been lying when she said she was a lightweight.

There was nothing wrong in being safe and double checking.

“I make no promises.” Regina smiled.

There was sincerity plastered all over Regina’s face which in turn made Emma feel more at ease. She double checked she had everything before locking her eyes with the brown ones that had not wavered from her face.

“So, I’ll see you later then?” Emma said and she was almost disgusted at the hopefulness of her tone.

The only thing Regina did was to take a hold of Emma’s shoulders, spin her around and push her towards the door.

“Off you go.”


	7. Chapter 7

Regina didn’t want to stay up all night waiting for Emma, but that’s what she ended up doing. She was sure she was like every other person on Earth when it came to staying up: when she desperately wanted to sleep, she would end up staying up to the little hours of the night. And when she had a mission, a good reason for staying awake… well, Regina dosed off for the first time at 9 pm.

It was insane how much she was struggling so she did what she could to distract herself but it had already been a long week and she had cleaned literally anything there was to clean. She debated for a long time about putting Emma’s clothes back into the closet and finally she opted to do it.

She didn’t want to be nosy or invade the blondes privacy so she did quick work in putting everything back in colour coded order, because at least they would be finding things when the next time happened.

Regina did feel disappointed that she was going to be alone for the evening and she had accepted that this would most likely be how it ended up going. Emma was so easy going and the people she worked with seemed to be very much like her. So maybe they would go out again…

There was a slight jealousy poking through and Regina recognised it and tried her best to push it down. She wasn’t even completely sure why she was feeling that way but right now, she just begged Emma to come back so she could sleep.

She wasn’t only staying up not to be lonely but she was well aware that the world was not a nice place, especially if you were a woman. She wanted to make sure Emma made it in one piece and that she was alright. Sure she was tired but it seemed very likely that the night would be peaceful for her if she didn’t know that Emma had made it.

It was just past 1 am when Regina had numbly put on one more episode of ‘FRIENDS’ on Netflix when her phone binged. She reached for under her blankie on the couch and smiled well before she even opened the message.

**Hey, Reginaaaaaa! I’m coming home, I’m coming home, tell the WORLD I’m coming home!**

Regina had no idea what she should have expected from drunk Emma, but this seemed a little dramatic which is what she told the blonde.

Aren’t you just a tad dramatic?

The reply was instant.

**Oh my god. You are actually awake?! See, I told you you are amazing!**

Regina rolled her eyes as Emma completely avoided her sass but she couldn’t help but feel warmth spread all around her body at those words.

No, I’m actually asleep.

**Hardy har har, I will see you soon. Like give me 7,48 minutes.**

Regina didn’t even answer the message because she hurried up and towards the kitchen. If there was one thing she knew how to do, was to cure a hangover before you even got it. And if Emma’s estimation of arrival gave any indication of her state of drunkenness, she was going to be needing this.

It was so very simple, but it had never let Regina down and she had been drunk plenty in her life. Not always because of a party but because when your life wasn’t all that good, you ended up making stupid decisions have then having to pretend that nothing happened the next morning.

So she picked up one of the many white mugs from the shelf, poured a healthy amount of milk and mixed in the tiniest amount of sugar and honey. She slipped it into a micro until the milk was warm.

Regina had no idea had it been 7,48 minutes since Emma texted her but it seemed that the blonde was attempting to arrive home. There was rustling and whispering emerging from the front door and Regina leaned on the counter, fully amused.

Eventually the blonde seemed to get the key to fit the keyhole as she stumbled in, hushing herself and closing her door with a bang. Regina closed her eyes and wished she had actually gone to open the door for Emma. She didn’t want to get kicked out during their first week.

“Did you lock the door?” Regina asked pointedly as Emma entered the kitchen.

The blonde straightened her back and she was the perfect image of a child getting caught with their hand in a cookie jar. She made a quick turn and dashed towards the door to lock it before walking back into the kitchen.

When Emma had left, she had oozed class and refinement but as Regina was looking at her now… she couldn’t help but find her adorable. The braid she had made was considerably looser than it had been when she left, blonde hair cascading down her neck and slightly in front of her face. Regina had no idea how the other woman had made it all through town alive and without a single scrape, but it really seemed there was more to Emma Swan than met the eye.

The dress still looked amazing on the blonde and even with a slight sway in her step, she was still beautiful.

“Had fun then?” Regina smirked as Emma held tightly onto the counter and lowered herself down on her seat. The same cheeriness that had layered her text messages seemed to be somewhat gone and that was replaced with some good old tiredness.

“It was amazing, Regina.” Emma said and smiled widely none the less, eyeing the mug blankly. “What’s that?”

“That is for you to drink before you head to bed.” Regina said and pushed the mug closer. “It will help with your inevitable hangover tomorrow.”

“Oooh, I will be needing that.” Emma reached for the mug and Regina’s eyes nearly pushed out of their sockets when Emma downed the entire thing with one swift gulp. She wiped her face with her hand and smiled tiredly.

“Thank you.”

“For what exactly?” Regina had hard time connecting to her brain as she was just staring at Emma. God, she looked angelic.

“For the milk and waiting up for me.” Emma said and reached to squeeze Regina’s hand. “It really means a lot.”

Brown eyes zeroed on their connected hands and she smiled. During the past week she had smiled a lot, more than she ever remembered smiling and her face was in constant state of pain because of it. But she didn’t care, because these were the things she had been missing.

“Isn’t that what friends are for?” she whispered and locked eyes with Emma.

There was another squeeze before the blonde let go of her hand and attempted getting up. She nearly fell on her face and Regina raced to catch her. More blonde hair was getting loose from the braid as Emma rested most of her bodyweight on Regina.

Together they managed to get through the living room and into Emma’s bedroom. And like by some incredible grace, Emma landed her butt safely on her bed.

Regina was breathing heavily because drunken Emma had been very little help with their walk but at least the other woman was now in the safety of her room.

“Turn around, I have to change.” Emma grumbled, closing her eyes.

Regina didn’t think a sassy comeback would have been much appreciated or understood quite honestly so she obediently turned around and faced the many books that were piled up in Emma’s room.

Emma pushed herself to stand before she heroically managed to wiggle out of her dress. She had no real idea how that happened but she was grateful. Throwing everything onto the floor, she blindly reached under her pillow to her sleeping shirt.

It was the biggest ever t-shirt that she only used for sleeping. She used to own two but she had no idea where she had placed the other one.

Sitting back onto the bed, her eyes tried their hardest to concentrate to the back of the brunette beauty she shared her apartment with. When she had mentioned Regina staying up and waiting for her, she had hoped that when she arrived home she would be greeted with a sweet smile and chocolate brown eyes. She didn’t want to hope too much though because when you hoped too much you often ended up getting disappointed.

But she had been there, leaning against the counter in her pyjama set - pink this time - and slightly mocking her. It was so bloody attractive and sweet, and it was hard for Emma’s drunken brain to move on from that fact. In fact, it was still very much there and she had no idea what to do with that.

So instead she sat and stared.

But the brunette got tired of waiting.

“Are you decent?”

“No.” was Emma’s immediate reply but it sounded so hilarious in her own head that she ended up falling onto the bed laughing hysterically.

Regina sighed and turned around. She wasn’t sure that could what Emma be called decent but at least the blonde had something to cover most of her body. And now that said body was shaking with laughter, which seemed like something between the worst witch cackle and Chipmunks Christmas Edition.

But the longer the blonde laughed, the more Regina’s lips started to turn upwards and she placed her palm on her chest because there was a vibration. And it was painfully trying to claw itself out of her.

And eventually it did.

Regina couldn’t hold in her laugh anymore and she almost doubled over at the strength of it.

That made Emma stop and sit up with a speed of light. Her eyes were wide and she felt like her entire soul had just been set free. She knew there was some very deep shit in Regina’s past, very recent past even and it was very unlike for the goddess in front of her to let loose. Hell, she even had all the spoons the right way around in the drawer in the kitchen.

But right now that same woman was laughing her lungs out and it seemed to be both liberating for her as well as painful if Regina holding onto her chest was anything to do by. The brunette also didn’t seem to notice that there was a pair of green eyes on her as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

And Emma hated herself for noticing just how beautiful she sounded even if she was staring to look a little manic. But what caused her entire body to go into a state of alarm were the tears that were streaming down the high cheeks. And without Emma noticing the laughing had turned into sobbing.

The brunette was actually melting like a puddle and soon she was on her knees on the floor, shielding her face with her hands, sobbing loudly. Emma didn’t know what to do as even in her drunken haze she remembered very well how the last comfort attempt had gone down. They had taken such leaps forward since then that she felt almost sick to her stomach about even a slightest possibility of ruining it.

She lowered herself to the ground before scrawling to sit next to Regina. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her own arms around them. It made her feel horrible to see Regina in such state but she didn’t know what she was allowed to do. So instead of actually touching the brunette, she sat herself close but not too close.

Emma didn’t know how long they sat there but eventually the sobs seemed to calm down and after a while the brunette stopped crying completely. She didn’t make any attempt at removing her hands from her face though.

“How are you feeling?” Emma whispered, calmly, feeling like the situation sobered her up very effectively. She wanted to be there for Regina because the brunette seemed like she really needed someone to lean on.

There was muttering happening under the hands but Emma couldn’t make any of the words.

“You know, for a Queen you do a lot of mumbling.” Emma tried to make the situation lighter by making a joke. They never discussed the silly title Emma had given the older woman but it had been clear from the beginning that the brunette liked it. There was always a subtle hint of blush on her cheeks when Emma said it.

A wet laugh escaped the brunette as she carefully removed her hands. Emma smiled sadly when a red, swollen face came to view because Regina looked completely miserable. There was a hint of something in the brown eyes that didn’t really fit the rest of the image but Emma wasn’t advanced enough friend to know what it was. But she wanted to be.

“I said, that I feel horrible.” Regina laughed again a little and used the sleeve of her pyjama to wipe rest of the tears from her face. “I’m sorry this is how your night ended up going.”

Emma was outraged. “Don’t ever say that. I don’t care what kind of day we have had but if you are upset I want you to know you can come to me.”

Regina smiled because she really appreciated that. She was mortified any of this had even taken place let alone in front of Emma. They were friends, hell, Regina considered Emma her only and best friend but it still wasn’t something that she wanted for her roommate to see.

“What’s on your mind?” Emma asked, leaning her cheek on her legs.

“I’m afraid.” even uttering the words almost made her want to vomit because this was not something the old Regina would ever have condoned.

“What are you afraid of?” it didn’t seem that Emma was surprised though, mostly calm and curious, her green eyes holding onto the gaze of Regina’s brown.

Another watery laugh left Regina’s lips as she wiped under her eyes praying for the fresh tears to stay where they were.

“I’m afraid I’m going to fail. At this new life I’m trying to build for myself. I have never done anything like this.” the tears were falling now. “I don’t even know how to cook, I have never worked a day in my life, I have very few skills listed in my resume. I got a job, but I don’t want to disappoint Kristin and have her regret hiring me.” Regina pressed her eyes closed before she whispered.

“Emma, what if I can’t do this?”

The blonde could feel something in her hurt a little bit when she looked at the woman in front of her. Regina had done a brilliant job at presenting herself with a strong exterior and it seemed like she had all the answers to every single question - except for the ones to do with cooking - and she seemed so sure of herself. This woman gave a new meaning to the words of ‘not judging the book by its cover’ because you never truly knew what was happening inside someone.

“I think,” Emma wanted to choose her words carefully. “That you have already made a tremendous effort in getting this far with your new life. Sure there will be challenges ahead and you might not always feel comfortable, but I have seen you. Only for a week granted, but you are Regina Mills.” she smiled. “It seems like you can achieve anything.”

“Thank you, Emma.” Regina whispered. “I really needed that.”

And without a warning she extended her hand towards Emma, wiggling her fingers a little bit.

Emma got the hint and laced their fingers together.


	8. Chapter 8

From that night on, things changed between the blonde and the brunette.

They were closer. Not necessarily physically but mentally. There was still a lot to learn about the other but neither expected a written down essay about their pasts although Regina had thought about asking for one once or twice.

There was a newfound mutual understanding which allowed certain freedom of emotion in the safety of their apartment, which benefitted both of them but it was more useful for Regina who was so used to hiding how she really felt.

After breaking down completely in front of Emma and voicing her insecurities, she had been ready to move to a far away land and change her name. But the other woman had accepted her and her baggage with nothing but a generous amount of empathy as well as some sort of deeper understanding. Emma didn’t explain herself but Regina could see it from her face that the blonde had known _exactly_ what she talked about. It calmed Regina to her very soul and she felt like there was just one less shield for her to keep up to protect herself against the outer world.

The following Monday, Emma took Regina to work on the brunette’s first day after she had made some epic dinner the nigh before. She had to physically push Regina towards the doors that led her into the coffee house but after waiting five minutes and not seeing a panicked Regina run back, the blonde smiled widely and headed for the metro so she could make it to her own place of business.

That night, Emma had come home before Regina, having even asked if she could leave a bit earlier because she wanted to surprise Regina. She knew just how scary it was to start something new and meaningful, but for Regina this was somehow even bigger. It was her first job _ever_.

So, the blonde had ran into their corner store as soon as she got out of the metro. At first she had thought she might cook for the brunette but somehow that had become part of their routine so she wanted to do something a bit different. But she was Emma Swan so it was going to involve food.

Her basket was full of snack foods as well as several various vegetables that she had every intention in cutting so they’d be ready to be dipped.

Getting home from the shop took her the odd ten minutes and within the following five she was already fully changed into her cozy home wear. Being on the roll, she put on her music and wiggled her butt in the beat of the music before prepping the living room table.

Regina had send her a message when she was cleaning up, letting her know she would be coming home which truly kicked Emma on a high gear. She wanted to be ready and waiting when Regina walked through the door.

So, turned the lights off in the kitchen, finally taking out a bottle of wine from the fridge and jumping on the couch. Setting up Netflix took about two seconds but that was also when the front door opened and closed quickly, with a gentle locking sound following it.

And before Emma could yell her greetings, there was a tornado of silky dark hair and giant purse coming her way.

“Emma!” Regina was panting and she looked very much like she ran home which would definitely explain her quick arrival. “You never guess what happened today!”

Emma opened her mouth to place a well thought of guess but it seemed like it had been more of a statement than a question because Regina launched into yet another well described story. The blonde found it rather endearing how the brunette paid so much attention to the things around her but managed to still be a bit clueless at times.

Regina recounted every event and customer that she had served that day and everything she had been taught. Her excitement made the air vibrate and her cheeks were getting pinker by the minute. Emma had a hard time following as she always did when Regina got really excited but she was getting concerned because she didn’t remember Regina taking in a single breath since she started her story.

As it had become a custom, Regina ended her story with talking very highly of her boss and it irritated Emma just as much as it had on the first time it happened. Kristin seemed really cool and Emma was all about powerful women but she couldn’t help but be bother with how much Regina seemed to be liking her.

But now the brown eyes were fully zeroed on her again and this time Emma was pretty sure she was expected to respond. Which she was more than happy to do.

“I’m so happy for you, Regina.” because she was, she really truly was. The woman sitting next to her, still wearing her jacket and holding onto her purse with pink cheeks and red lips, deserved the entire world and Emma hoped that eventually she would be getting it.

Regina reached for Emma’s hand, stopping for few seconds to give the blonde the opportunity to pull away but Emma eagerly took the offered hand and laced their fingers together. It was such innocent intimacy but it send fire up Emma’s arm and it seemed to reach her brain in a record time.

And what caused her entire body to loose control was when Regina smoothly pulled their joined hands on her lap before turning to look at the filled up table. There was a tiny smile pulling at her lips.

“What’s all this?”

Now was Emma’s time to shine.

“I thought I would do something nice for you so we can celebrate your first successful day at work.” she felt pretty good with the things she had chosen and since there was a smile on Regina’s lips once more, it seemed like the other woman was pleased as well.

“How did you know it was going to be a successful day for me though? I could have completely screwed up.” there was a hint of uncertainty and self doubt and Emma was ready to nib that to the bud right away.

“Because you are amazing, not to mention smart and eager to learn. Of course it was going to be an amazing day. I didn’t doubt you for a second.” and Emma was speaking the truth. She knew the brunette had been nervous, almost to the point of having an anxiety attack before they left the apartment that morning but Emma had seen it in her. She was ready for this and she was going to do well.

Regina didn’t know what to say to that because it was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to her. And she had a hard time reacting to compliments as it was. Instead she squeezed Emma’s hand tightly and hoped Emma understood the meaning of it.

And Emma did, she somehow always did. There was a wide toothy smile that soon disappeared when a handful of popcorn was stuffed in it.

  
Regina let out a bubbly laugh because that’s how she was now. Blushy, giggly and happy. It had seemed like an unattainable dream for so long, but she was finally feeling it. Trying not to overthink and ruin everything, Regina let go of Emma’s hand when the blonde told her to go get comfy.

Which right now meant losing the jacket that she was still wearing as well as changing into her comfy clothes. She wanted so badly to wear her pyjamas but she wanted to shower before putting those sacred clothes on.

So she opted for the next best option which were leggings and the biggest shirt she could find.

When she returned, Emma had selected them something to watch from Netflix but they eventually didn’t even know what the show was about. Too wrapped in their stories neither noticed the screen or the emptying bowls and bottles.

It was so… easy with Emma, Regina thought. Sure they hadn’t dived into the deep end of the dark and mysterious pasts, but Emma was so much more than that even she had that mysterious side as well.

She was funny, extremely so. Regina didn’t know wether to be worried or amused that every single one of Emma’s stories started with ‘Oh and this one time…” but in the end the brunette laughed herself breathless, all the while Emma grinned like a goon.

There were other layers to Emma, that often were buried under the jokester and the easiness of her character. Like her love for books. Regina had seen inside the blondes room and after she had exited she wished she had paid more attention to the books that Emma had piles and piles off. Everything seemed to be well kept but also well loved if the broken seams were anything to go by.

When Regina mentioned the few books she liked, it was almost like skies had opened above Emma’s head and it seemed like she was just barely containing herself. Of course there were several glasses of wine included in that haze, but that was besides the point.

Without saying a word, Emma got up and dashed into her room and when she returned she had her arms full of books. And for the rest of the night, they had sat, side by side, going through Emma’s favourite books.

What surprised Regina the most was the way Emma read her books. On the outside the books were clean and free of marks, but on the inside, it was like a rainbow. The blonde had underlined and highlighted the parts she enjoyed, there were post-its everywhere and on few of them, she even found pages added.

Regina had never seen anyone read like this but when she opened the books, there was always something to capture her attention and she was dying to read the books Emma had piled on her lap. They weren’t light books, some of the topics almost something that you didn’t want to see or hear or think about but Regina asked anyway.

“Can I borrow some of these?”

It looked like another ‘hallelujah, skies have opened’ moment for Emma and she carried all the books into Regina’s room after hesitating at the door, silently asking for permission. With a small nod, Regina had granted that.

Emma had not been in Regina’s room, and she hardly ever saw in because the door was always closed. She had seen in on the day they moved but the only thing she had seen were the wide walls and the brown boxes.

The walls were still white but the boxes were obviously gone. It was so… cold. Emma had no other word to describe it since everything was so neat and there seemed to be no personal belongings here either. It was like Regina had bought everything from a catalogue and forgot to bring anything of her own.

Emma had obviously stood in the room for too long since she could feel a presence behind her as Regina entered as well. She was feeling embarrassed because she had been meant to only drop of the books and return right away.

“What are you looking at?” the normally rude words were asked so softly that Emma figured she might not have been as deeply in shit as she thought.

“Just your room.” that was a stupid answer and Emma knew that but she didn’t want to hurt Regina’s feelings.

There was a long, deep sigh as Regina stepped past Emma to stand in the middle of the room. She wrapped her arms around herself as she looked around.

“It’s hideous.”

“Why do you say that?” Emma couldn’t completely disagree with Regina, but she couldn’t really call the room hideous but it lacked so many things that made it a comfortable, safe place for you.

“Its just a room. I have no photos to put up or frame for my nightstand.” she looked down sadly and Emma could feel a twinge in her heart. “All of my rooms have only ever been white and it just looks so sad.” Regina laughed but there was so much pain layering every single bit of it.

The longer Emma looked at the woman standing in the middle of her white and empty room, the more her chest was hurting. She wanted to do something to make the other woman smile, especially since they had had such a nice evening and she had shone at her new job today.

“We can do something about that.” Emma said and Regina turned to look at her. They both pretended that the brown eyes weren’t shining with tears.

“What do you mean?” there was a sliver of hope lacing Regina’s voice and the brunette wanted to shove it out but she couldn’t help herself.

“Well, for starters we can paint something on one of the walls.” Emma said and walked closer, gesturing to the biggest wall that divided their rooms. “Also, you will be having some photos to put up, trust me. You are living your life now.”

Regina looked at the gesturing woman in awe. There was excitement shining in the green eyes and the brunette could see the gears turning in her head as she continued to talk about the many ideas she suddenly had for the wall and how they could make it look more homey for her. It was amazing how with just her support Emma was able to make every single demon and horrible thought disappear.

“Do you really think so?” she felt sick for being so needy and needing the reassurance.

Emma looked at her for a couple of seconds longer than she normally did before she whipped up her phone from seemingly out of nowhere.

“Well, we can start with one.”

And before Regina noticed, the blonde had her arm wrapped around her waist and she was pulled flush against the strong body. Emma was holding her very gently considering the hold was tight. Regina didn’t have problem with touching, it was actually the complete opposite. She often graved physical contact but during her entire life she had never really had anyone to give her that.

So now her entire body was in definite shock mode but humming happily. Regina wrapped her own arm around the blondes shoulders and worked incredibly hard in tearing her eyes away from the smiling face and green eyes that were already staring at the phone screen that she was holding onto in front of them.

What Regina saw when she turned to look to the selfie they were taking was two women, one brunette, one blonde. The other one was taller than the other and it looked like she was shielding, protecting the other one who seemingly had no problem with that. And they looked happy, so very happy.

Regina could distantly hear Emma telling her to smile, but she already was.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma wasted no time getting the picture printed and framed, and it was the first one they nailed to the wall before the week was done. The blonde had also changed Regina’s contact photo on her phone to their selfie which she found herself staring several times a day.

Regina did it as well, whenever she picked up her phone or when she was in her room. Emma was right of course, this was a new life for her and the things would be different and that framed picture was already a good sign of that.

Both women threw themselves into work. Kristin had not been lying when she said that she needed Regina to work after one of her girls had walked out on her, because it seemed like Regina had no day off’s in the few following weeks.

And Emma was no better.

It was getting busier and busier at work, and she wanted more responsibility which in turn meant she almost slept at the office. She wanted to work for her dream, but that in turn meant spending less time with her roommate.

They were texting more than ever though, which made the blonde feel extremely happy and cared for. And whenever they did happen to share few moments together, neither of them could shut them up as they were catching up on everything they hadn’t been able to type.

Regina was… many things. She was definitely smart and you could clearly sense that while having a conversation with her, typed or not. But what Emma had discovered about her, was that she was incredibly funny without meaning to be as well as snarky and sassy. It was so entertaining and Emma couldn’t even count the screenshots she had of their conversations.

She had been curious about Regina’s past ever since she first met her but she felt like she knew a little bit more now. Regina sometimes mentioned things that indicated events of her old life, her marriage or the way she had felt. They weren’t nice things but what Emma felt amazing about was how happy Regina was right now.

The blonde couldn’t wait for the upcoming free weekend they had together which was the first one in few weeks. She had a surprise for Regina, which had required some inquiries as well as making sure she would actually be off. But she had been promised her weekend and no matter what came up, she would be holding onto it with teeth and nails. And she knew Regina would too if her messages had been anything to go by.

I need us to have a weekend off together, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages! Kristin promised she wouldn’t put me up for that weekend, hell, I almost made her physically sign down on it!

Regina had also started using emojis but she made a lot of odd choices which made texting with her even funnier. She used the emojis no one else did, and Emma was sure that by now she had received every single emoji at least once at some point. It was adorable though and at this point she just completely ignored them not to confuse herself any more than was necessary.

She was walking to work on a Friday morning, and she couldn’t help but to think back on her morning. When she had arrived home yesterday, Regina had already left and by the time the brunette made it home from her evening shift the blonde had already been fast asleep. But this morning they knew they were both going for a morning shift and they had been off handedly mentioning breakfast together. In fact, every single day they texted about it without making any real plans to actually do it but when Emma had gotten up an hour before she normally did, she was sure Regina would be up as well.

And she wasn’t disappointed.

The brunette had emerged from her room, her make up done, dressed perfectly like she always did and a smile plastered on her face. She had also started putting her hair in the most tasteful up do’s after they searched for tutorials together as her job required for her hair to be tied up. And Regina had sworn that there was no way she would ever show up at work in a simple ponytail. Over her dead body.

And that hadn’t happened yet but Emma was sure that eventually Regina would slip and realise just how easy and comfortable it was.

They had made breakfast together that morning. Emma had done all the frying but Regina had set up, as well as cut the things Emma needed for their omelettes. It had been comfortable, sweet and so bloody domestic that the blonde had no idea how to even properly wrap her mind around it. They had walked the opposite ways when reaching the street not fifteen minutes later and it had been a full ten minutes without the brunette and Emma already missed her.

Emma had fought her hardest not to overthink things or read too much into their interactions, but it was getting clearer and clearer by the minute.

She was falling, and falling hard. On no other, than Regina Mills.

Her frustration was making her walk faster as she huffed and puffed, trying to wipe her roommate off her mind for even a second. But at some point, Regina had become a permanent resident in her brain as well as inside the heavy walls of her heart.

Emma was no stranger to loving women, in fact, she exclusively loved only women. There had never been a man that intrigued her the way women did and she had had feelings for few specific ones before. But everything had ended pretty badly and for good few years she had steered away from potential feelings, only ever looking for physical company.

Which is why she was almost angry with herself when she realised that she had feelings for the brunette. She wanted to take some distance, maybe work some more but when she had been away, she realised that she missed the other woman unbearably, and the only thing that made everything better was seeing her.

So the blonde had pushed it all way down, waiting for it to pass as she enjoyed all the small things they did together. Like today’s breakfast and her surprise for the weekend. It was going to be amazing, that she was sure of.

* * *

As had become the norm, Emma made it home before Regina. She was happy about that because it meant that she got the be there to see her enter and hear the happy exclaim of her name as soon as she saw her. But it also gave Emma an opportunity to do something she had managed to keep secret from Regina.

For the last few weeks, every time Emma left the building she noticed a small black and white cat hanging around the side of the building that all the windows were on. It looked shabby and it was clear that it was living on the streets.

More than once it had followed a good distance behind Emma all the way to the metro stop and before walking under the ground, Emma saw the tiny paws turn the cat around as it made its way back.

But couple of days ago, when Emma had made it home from work and walked out of her room, all snuggled in a massive hoodie, she saw something familiar by their biggest window that led to the fire escape.

There was the same cat she kept seeing, gently licking the window. Sadness pooled in the big black eyes and Emma’s heart was gone. She had first hand experience in being homeless and seeing this small cat behind their window now was nearly breaking her.

So she had gathered what she thought was edible for cats into a bowl and opened the window enough to put it out for the cat. The cat ate faster than Emma had ever seen anything eat before and ever since that day, Emma fed the cat. The black and white beauty was always behind the same window, licking it until Emma opened the window and pushed some food through.

Couple of days ago she had dared to join the kitten on the fire escape while she ate and she had even let Emma pet her slightly but yesterday the kitten had practically laid in her lap as she ate and Emma was very eager to see her kitten again.

She had been in touch with their landlord without Regina knowing, about couple of things actually, but she had asked about possibly getting a pet. They had been very strict about the no pet policy but Emma was sure she would manage to have the cat in without anyone noticing. She had already managed to feed and cuddle a cat without Regina knowing for several days now so how hard could it be to do that when their landlord would never visit and if they did, she would just go out with the cat.

Right?

Walking quickly towards the window, she saw her little companion waiting for her. Emma had bought some actual cat food from the store today and she quickly poured it in a bowl.

“Hey, buddy.” she whispered as she cracked open a window so she could slip onto the fire escape. She sat down, being mindful of not ruining her work pants and the cat instantly surged into her lap. There was a lot of purring and snuggling which made Emma goo happily at the cat.

“You have to eat baby, Regina is gonna be home soon and she cannot see you.” the cat meowed and Emma felt her heart break as it always did when she had to say goodbye. “I will figure out a way to bring you inside, I promise.”

The cat looked at her with the big button eyes before walking towards the bowl of food Emma had set down. As always, he ate with great gusto before coming for a one last cuddle. That was when Emma’s phone vibrated and when she checked it, she groaned but couldn’t help but smile.

“Regina is coming home, kitten.” she whispered before lifting the cat up to her eye level. “I have a surprise for her and I really hope she likes it. But that means I have to go. Your blanket is out there for you. See you tomorrow.”

Giving the cat one last snuggle, she put him down and climbed back inside. She had only couple of minutes to get changed before the brunette came home so she slid her way into her doorway before effortlessly stripping on her way to the closet.

Once inside she snorted because it had been years since she had been in a closed, and every time she happened to walk into one, it was a guaranteed laugh.

Shrugging on a hoodie and pulling a pair of leggings up her legs, Emma made her way back into the living room and she threw herself on the couch. She was meant to pick up her phone but when she attempted lifting her arm, it just wouldn’t budge. Suddenly her eyelids felt heavy and before she could do anything to stop it, Emma had fallen in deep sleep on the couch.

* * *

Regina was rushing down the street, more than a little bit eager to get home to start her weekend off. It felt like she had worked non stop for months when in reality it had only been some weeks. But for someone who had not worked before, it was definitely an adjustment.

Being tired was part of her personality right about now even when she slept more than she probably ever had. Whenever she made it home, she tried to eat as fast as possible because if she sat for too long or even dared to lie down, her body just gave up and she passed out.

But today she was determined to stay awake because it was also her first proper weekend off with Emma since they moved to live together. They had gotten closer and actually became friends, but most of their interaction was through texting. Regina was happy they were going forward but she missed the blonde. She missed their meals together, she missed the way Emma laughed and spoke, and told stories.

That made her speed up even faster and when she rounded their apartment, she was almost running. There was an option to take the elevator but knowing how slow and downright dangerous it was, Regina headed for the stairs.

The clicking of her heels gave some proper boost for her steps and soon she was standing behind their door.

She failed twice putting the key into the lock and she almost fist pumped when she walked through the door.

“Emma, I’m home.” she had to stop herself from switching Emma to ‘honey’ every time she came home like this because even when she thought it was funny, Emma would tease her about it to the point where she would end up hating it.

But there was no response. Looking around, Regina could see Emma’s work shoes which were the only ones the blonde owned with a bit of heel on them, scattered all across the floor like they always were. So her roommate must have been home.

Emma often arrived before her even when she worked a good bit further than Regina did, but Regina had asked for longer shifts because she wanted to be making money. She was already feeling the pressure when she had taken a look at her bank account after the move, so she had lit a massive fire under her ass when it came to work. And lucky for her, Kristin was up for providing the shifts she wanted.

Getting out of her jacket and putting away both of their shoes, Regina walked further into the apartment, looking for a sign of the blonde. The window was closed, but Regina knew the blonde had been out feeding the cat she tried to keep a secret from her.

Rolling her eyes, Regina walked to the window and pressed her cheek gently to it to get a full view of their fire escape. And just like everyday, the black and white cat, with one slightly floppy white ear, was laying in a box that was filled with one of Regina’s expensive blankets.

The cat seemed really domesticated as it quite literally slept by their apartment everyday and came for dinner. Regina felt horrible that the cat had to be outside, but there was a strict rule in their rental agreement and that was, no animals of any sort. Even fishes needed to be discussed which Regina found ridiculous.

Regina made a mental note to slip in some more food before she went to bed, but now her main focus was to find the doofus who thought she could hide a cat from her.

Knocking on Emma’s bedroom door didn’t bring out a stunning blonde so Regina picked up her phone to text the other woman.

Where are you?

What made her spin around was the violent vibration of Emma’s phone on the living room table and that was when Regina’s eyes zeroed on the sleeping form of her roommate.

Seeing Emma sleep so deeply and peacefully made Regina’s own body feel the exhaustion of the past weeks, and if she had closed her eyes, she would have fallen asleep standing without no problems. But what captivated and motivated her to keep her eyes open, was the tiny smile on Emma’s face as she slept, hugging one of the couch pillows to her chest.

The level of comfort Emma seemed to be experiencing was making Regina slightly uncomfortable, not because she didn’t like seeing Emma this way but because that was desperately what she wanted.

Brilliance hit her fast and hard and she stumbled into the bathroom to shower really quickly. If Emma hadn’t woken up by her arriving home, there was no way she would wake up to the noise of the shower. None the less, she tried to be as fast as possible before she slipped into something more comfortable that she had left in the bathroom, ready for this blessed occasion.

When she returned into the living room, the blonde was still fast asleep. Regina was battling with herself, because she didn’t want to disturb Emma but she had also been waiting to see her since this morning when they had breakfast together.

Hesitating slightly, she pressed her palm on Emma’s pale cheek, using her thumb to rub back and forth a little bit. There was no reaction though, not even a slight bat of eyelash. Regina repeated the move a couple more times before stopping. She was second guessing waking up the blonde at all but she missed her and wanted to hear her voice.

So she lowered herself to sit on the floor next to the couch, right next to Emma’s head. She gently pushed her face closer, inhaling deeply because Emma was always surrounded by a smell that was so uniquely her. It was almost intoxicating and Regina tried to downplay how many times she actually breathed in through her nose.

Emma let out a slight hum which nearly made Regina fall backwards but the blonde was simply getting more comfortable. Regina waited for her to settle before she gently touched the hand that was closer to her. Wrapping her pinky around the one of her roommates, she gave it a squeeze but yet again, there was no sign on life or consciousness.

Feeling brave and even slightly insane, Regina lowered her head closer to Emma’s. She was yet again attacked by Emma’s scent but she kept her course and pressed her lips almost completely against the golden hair that was hiding her ear.

“Emma,” she whispered, her voice low and husky. “Emma, wake up.”

She didn’t know what possessed her to do any of it, whispering into Emma’s ear and practically holding her hand while the other woman slept but it was causing the reaction she wanted.

The green eyes fluttered open and instantly locked with Regina’s brown.

Regina no longer wondered why some people found peace in the forests because right about now she would have dived head first into the fierce green of Emma’s eyes, and lived in the forest forever.

“What are you doing?”


	10. Chapter 10

That made Regina jump up and take couple of hurried steps back. She had no idea why she thought any of that would be alright for her to do, but it had just been so natural and comfortable. Now she was kicking herself in the head because she was so afraid she might have just ruined everything.

Emma must have seen the panic taking a hold of her body because she jumped up only seconds after her and the distance between disappeared in seconds as the blonde stepped into her personal space.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Emma hurried to say because she had seen the alarm on Regina’s face and the way she had worded her question wasn’t the nicest one. But she had barely been awake and her senses were overwhelmed by everything Regina. And since she had feelings for her roommate, she had panicked slightly and those words were the first ones that slipped out.

But right now there was nothing else to do than to reassure Regina that there was nothing she had done wrong, but with someone as insecure and stubborn as the beautiful, comfy looking brunette in front of her, it was easier said than done.

“I promise you, it’s alright.” Emma took both of Regina’s hands into her own, wishing the brown pools of chocolate would raise themselves from the ground where Regina was actively staring. “You didn’t overstep.”

Regina lifted her head slightly because somehow Emma had reached into her brain and picked the one thing she was most worried about. She didn’t want to overstep or do something that would make Emma feel uncomfortable. Being physically close to someone like this was not something she was used to. It had never been like this with anyone else before but Regina was sure that was because none of her friends were really touchy people, not the way Emma was.

It was exciting to hold hands. It was exhilarating when they hugged. When Emma’s body was pressed against her own, she felt safe. And each of those things were something she had never felt before. So, yes, she could admit she was graving that feeling of security.

She just wished she knew what she was doing.

“Are you sure?” Regina whispered, giving Emma’s hands a tiny squeeze.

“I’m sure.” Emma smiled. “I’m kind of a touchy person, so I don’t really mind.” she winked and Regina could feel blush spreading on her face.

“I didn’t know I was one as well, until I met you.” and Emma Swan had managed to show her yet another way to be free.

They didn’t stay up for much longer since it seemed like it was impossible for either of them to hold a proper conversation after that. They hugged each other goodnight and went to their respective rooms. Regina was intrigued though because Emma had told her to have an alarm for 10 am because there was a surprise waiting for her.

Regina couldn’t remember getting a pleasant surprise ever in her life but for this particular one she was excited for, because it was from Emma and Regina knew that she wouldn’t do anything to harm her.

So she went to bed, excited but exhausted, ready for a new day.

* * *

“Regina, wake up!”

Rolling onto her stomach, Regina tried desperately to open her eyes but she barely could as it felt like they were forever glued shut. Her entire body was numb and if she wasn’t moving and feeling right now, she would have presumed that her brain had turned to mush. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and the only thing she wished to do right now was to sleep some more.

That however didn’t seem to be an option.

“Regina, come on, the breakfast is ready!”

Breakfast was the magic word that somehow rebooted her entire body. Her eyes were fighting a war against gravity and eventually opened in victory. Moving her limbs was still painful and she preferred not to, but she would be a fool to miss out on the breakfast Emma was able to whip out.

And then there was the surprise.

Having been exhausted already should have helped Regina to fall asleep efficiently but after Emma had mentioned a surprise, the brunette’s mind had gone mile a minute. It could be anything, like quite literally anything. Emma was very much that kind of person.

“I’m up.” she managed to groan before falling face first into her pillow. She didn’t know was this surprise going to be worth the early wake up or not but for Emma’s sake, she hoped it was.

She didn’t pay that much mind on her looks as she rolled out of the bed and made as much of a beeline towards the door. Before she even opened it, she could smell all the beautiful things that Emma had been cooking for breakfast and her mouth was already watering.

As soon as she opened the door, she quite literally ran for the counter and slid onto her seat. That was when she turned to look at Emma.

It was very early in the morning and you could see it from the blondes get up. She had her hair in the messiest bun there was but it still looked incredibly beautiful. What Regina could see from her upper body behind the counter, she was wearing a white tank top and denim overalls. What also almost made Regina fall from her chair was the fact that there were black rimmed glasses sitting on her nose. She looked /cute/ and Regina wished she had at least brushed through her hair.

“Good morning.” she whispered, before settling more tightly on the chair.

“Good morning. Now, eat up. We are having a full day.” Emma said and took a sip of her coffee before setting a plate in front of Regina. And ten seconds after that, Regina’s favourite yellow cup filled with coffee was placed next to it.

Regina smiled gratefully before basically devouring her breakfast. There was nothing on earth that came even close to Emma’s cooking. Regina wondered why the woman was so intent about journalism when there was this whole other option for her. They could open a restaurant together.

“Oh, and a disclaimer for today.” Emma said as she made her way to the window to not-so-subtly looking around the fire escape. “Don’t wear good clothes today. This might get messy.”

Regina could feel her heart beat one too many times as she lifted her eyes fearfully from her plate. That could literally mean anything and she was honestly a little scared. Also, mentally going through her outfits, she realised that she had very few ‘not good’ clothes in her closet.

“Would you mind telling us where we are going?” she asked as she pushed the last piece of toast into her mouth, silently begging Emma to tell her so she didn’t have to worry.

And just like always, Emma knew exactly what was going on in her head and how to calm her down.

“I know you are silently freaking out but I promise there is no need to. It won’t be dangerous, it won’t be humiliating. We are just taking the metro four steps closer to the city and then coming right home.”

She hadn’t spoiled the surprise but Regina couldn’t deny that she felt much calmer about the day as she knew at least a bit of it. Accepting the information she was given, she helped the blonde clean before she made her way into her own room.

At the door, she turned around and met Emma’s eyes that had apparently already been on her.

“I don’t think I have anything to wear for this.”

“I kind of figured, so there are couple of things on the couch for you, if you want to borrow some of mine.” Emma gave a smug smirk which made Regina want to go and kick her. She knew her too well.

Scooping up everything Emma had brought out and stomping into her own room, Regina got ready in record time. She dolled on one of Emma’s t-shirts, the only one with a band she was a familiar with. It was such a cliche to wear someone else band t-shirt but Regina just rolled her eyes and put it on anyway. She had a pair of leggings she didn’t mind sacrificing but pulling out something other than her heels was actually physically painful for her.

Drawing on her eyebrows and putting on a little bit of lipstick was the easiest thing about getting ready today and it only took her a couple of minutes.

Before she knew it, Emma had taken her hand and dragged her out of the apartment, barely letting her grab her purse.

During their journey to the metro Emma didn’t once let go of her hand, and the brunette could feel warmth spread through her entire body the longer time went by. It was exhilarating. Emma refused to tell her where they were going, completely shutting Regina off by asking things to do with her work instead and Regina couldn’t stop herself from replying and getting excited.

She was very much in love with her job and the new purpose it gave her. For so long, she had been nothing. There had been no job, no real love and she was more than aware that she had been insignificant. But even when she met some of the most rude people coming to demand their morning cup of coffee, it couldn’t kill her excitement. Because she was someone. Sometimes she was someone people smiled at and sometimes they downright cussed her before she had even greeted them. Sometimes she was tired but that didn’t take away from the feeling of achieving her goals. But mostly, she was someone who was incredibly happy and fortunate. And she felt soft, softer than ever before.

What jolted her back into reality was the violent jolt of the metro cart as they came to a hurried halt. Regina had been holding onto one of the poles on the isle, but she had been so distracted that her hold got loose and she was falling forward.

  
Closing her eyes, she was expecting to slam against the disgusting metro floor but before any of that happened, she was collided with something much softer and familiar.

“Shit, Regina, are you alright?!”

Yes, she was definitely feeling softer.

* * *

“So this is our first destination of the day!” Emma said proudly as they climbed the stairs to join the people on top of the ground. She was waving her hands excitedly and it took Regina a minute to be sure what the blonde meant.

“A hardware store?” confusion layered every bit of her voice as she turned to look at Emma, waiting for the other woman to give her some kind of confirmation.

“Yes.” Emma looked like a golden retriever puppy, almost jumping happily as she dashed towards the store. “Come on!”

Regina felt like she somehow knew less than she did before they left the apartment today but if she ever wanted to know what was going on, she had to follow the blonde. But catching up with someone as excited as Emma was actually much harder than she thought. She had to take actual running steps to catch up and she latched onto Emma’s shirt to pull her to a stop.

The grinning blonde turned around, every bit of her smile mischievous and thoroughly annoying. Regina couldn’t help but flare her nostrils because there was something incredibly angering about Emma being so smug but she also had the most intense need to pull the blonde into a strong hug. To be close or to strangle her, she wasn’t sure.

“Will you please, for the love of hell, tell me what’s going on?” she was tired of the mystery and wanted to be fully informed right now.

“Well, do you remember a while back when we took a small tour on your room.” Emma started, the smile never leaving her face but getting considerably more softer. “You said you didn’t like your room and that it didn’t feel like the space you wanted to be safe in.”

Regina remembered that very well, because as with most things, Emma was the first one she had ever told this. It had been her problem ever since she was a child. Everything was directed for her, she was told how her room was meant to be and she owned very little things that hold any great meaning to her. Which in turn caused some difficulties when it came to making anything homey. She didn’t even have things hanging from her car keys for gods sake.

“I remember.”

“Good, because I was in touch with your friend who helped you to find this apartment, and I asked her are we allowed to do some repainting and such…” the shit eating grin was back on full force but now Regina was 100% sure she wanted to hug the other woman.

“You didn’t…” Regina couldn’t believe Emma would go all this trouble and actually accompany her on this trip. “You did?!”

“Of course.” there was a tentative hand touching Regina’s and the brunette wasted no time in lacing their fingers together. “I wanted to help you feel at home. I know you have one picture on your wall, but I want you to have a safe space in our own home.”

Regina could feel burning behind her eyes and she wanted to turn around to do her best to keep the tears in but then she remembered who she was standing here with. It was Emma, only Emma. And she had already seen the things she had been trying her hardest to hide.

“Thank you.” there was a strain on her voice but she did her best to ignore it and attempted to smile.

Emma knew how huge it was for Regina to show emotion the way she was right now but instead of commenting on it, she held onto her hand tighter and asked. “Are you ready to go in?”

“Yes, I think I am.”


	11. Chapter 11

“I don’t care what you say, Emma Swan, but there is no way any of the walls in our apartment will be canary yellow!”

Regina didn’t care how high her voice had risen but she wanted to make sure Emma understood her bright and clear. She had known Emma was a blonde but what came as a surprise was the love for anything yellow. One would not believe it on the outside, but the younger woman gravitated towards anything that even resembled the most joyful colour in the world.

At first Regina was sure she was joking, just to make her laugh. But after the fourth time in the row, she had stopped Emma fully to tell her that there was no way. In theory she had the power to do whatever she wanted in her own room but Regina would be damned if the other woman managed to win this somehow.

“I can do what I want in my room!” Emma was feeling slightly wounded because Regina was so adamant about her hatred for yellow. What had the best colour in the world ever done to this poor woman?

“I am begging you, please, no.” Regina was closing her eyes, willing the other woman to see even a sliver of reason. But when she opened her eyes, she was ready to strangle Emma again because the grin she had been sporting before was back and worse than ever.

“Oh, you will beg, will you?” the waggle of eyebrows should not have been as charming as it was but Regina had hard time resisting it. Before answering with something even wittier, she shook herself out of it and furrowed her eyebrows dangerously.

“Do not test me, Emma. You haven’t seen me get angry.”

She was right, Emma hadn’t but right on that second it somehow became the only thing Emma wanted to witness. Regina was definitely terrifying, there was no doubts about that but it was _hot_. She was adorable when she was furrowing her brows like that but the woman had gone as far as bearing her teeth, which made Emma actually take a step backwards.

The red lips pulled into a grin of their own and Regina felt victorious. She was no fool, she knew Emma was affected in more ways than one but so were everyone else. This was a power move which guaranteed her the win she seeked against the yellow paint.

“Fine, we can choose something else.” Emma then said and it took every ounce of self control for Regina not to fist pump right then and there.

“Good girl.” Regina said and turned swiftly around and walked towards the darker colour spectrum, leaving a stunned Emma in her wake.

Emma didn’t know how to get her body moving but with a lot of silent pep talking, her feet finally transported her to stand next to Regina who was flipping through purple paint samples. Neither of them said anything, Emma waiting to hear a possible opinion and Regina in deep concentration.

“This one.” Regina eventually said and pointed to one of the darker purples. When the room wasn’t brightly lit one could almost mistake it for black but with the lights on, it was definitely very tasteful, very regal purple. It was very Regina.

“That’s beautiful.” Emma took the sample off the brunette’s hand and inspected it closer. “It will look amazing on your walls.”

“Wall.” Regina corrected. “I don’t want one single colour to dominate so I will paint only one wall and have some nice lights going across it to give it softness.” Regina had not been able to take her mind off the fairy lights Emma had in her room and it seemed like the blonde connected the dots as well as there was a genuine smile on her face.

“I’m sure we can find some flights here but that’s for later.” Emma had forgotten their cart to where they bantered about the yellow paint and jogged to get it. “But right now we need to get some of the right paint and find some brushes.

Another problem they encountered was when they reached the large wall of brushes. Regina was going more towards the roller that would create a smoother result but Emma wanted her to feel the ‘authentic painting feeling’. They were trying to keep their voices down as they argued, but they didn’t notice a store employee approaching them.

“Do you ladies need any help?” he asked as bravely as he could.

That made both women quiet instantly as they turned to look at the man standing in front of them. He was nervous looking, not really knowing which one of them to look so he was going awkwardly back and forth. The red name tag said ‘Tag’ and he touched it more than once, no doubt in habit to calm himself.

Emma felt slightly bad for the poor boy having to be the one to even come and ask them that but before she could tell him that they needed no help, Regina had managed to open her mouth before her.

“Young man, don’t you agree that with a roller you can get a lot cleaner, smoother result and it’s perfect for indoor painting?” there was so much sassiness in Reginas voice as she shot glares at her way that Emma had to dramatically clutch the front of her t-shirt and let out an audible gasp.

Regina rolled her eyes before turning back to look at the man who was looking even more scared than before. He swallowed roughly before looking at the wall covered in brushes and then turned to look at Regina again, avoiding Emma’s stare entirely.

“I think… you are right.”

Regina turned to look at Emma, smiling victoriously and Emma rolled her eyes and fought the urge to subtly give her the finger.

“But your wife is not completely wrong either, I mean, with some of these brushes you will get a beautiful result as well.”

What followed was a stunned silence that stretched out for much longer than was comfortable for anyone. The man standing in front of them was looking back and forth between them but each time he got more and more scared.

Regina couldn’t move a muscle, not even her eyes were darting around because that was something so sudden she had never even really thought of. This man thought Emma was her wife. She wasn’t sure why he would think so as he had walked in on them arguing about paint brushes.

That brought back a memory of a movie, where the two main characters had been bantering over something incredibly stupid but with no real irritation. She wasn’t really angry with Emma, but she would try to get her way. If it ever came to Emma getting actually upset with her, she would let her have whichever brushes she wanted, because it wasn’t such a big of deal…

Rearing her head back, Regina turned to look at Emma who was expressing only mild signs of discomfort as she was slowly starting to smile. The green eyes were focused on her, clearly waiting to see what she was going to be saying.

But Regina was unsure was she going to be able to say anything. She had no idea to where to even begin. Should she correct the man? Should she ignore the comment and just pick the brushes they wanted? Should she leave?

Emma had evidently gotten tired of waiting, because she was the one who opened her mouth. There was airiness in her voice and she was fighting back a smile.

“I think we are going to be picking the ones _my wife _suggested if the result will be better with them.” she reached for the ones that were hanging closer to Regina and put it in their cart, before addressing the man still awkwardly standing by, waiting for his cue to leave. “Thank you so much for your help.”

With a nod, the man nearly ran out of the isle and out of sight.

Emma turned to look at Regina, now getting slightly concerned that the otherwise so sassy woman hadn’t said a single word since the comment. It hadn’t really properly occurred to Emma before now, that she had no idea was Regina even into women or how she felt about people loving the same gender.

The brunette seemed progressive and accepting, but one could never know and now was definitely not the right time to ask this question, but Emma could admit that she was a bit on the edge.

“Regina?”

Regina turned to look at Emma, who was standing right next to her, a protecting hand hovering around her back and waist. She was sad that when looking into Emma’s eyes, she could see concern and even a slightest hint of fear.

The comment had just been unexpected and it had left Regina with more questions than anything else, but now was not the time for crisis. Emma had arranged this amazing day for them and she was intent on having fun, in fact, even when they were hardcore arguing about paint, she had been having the time of her life.

“I’m your wife huh?” she winked and reached for the brushes Emma had wanted. It wasn’t that big of a deal which brushes they would get but she wanted to make sure Emma got what she wanted.

“Well, today you definitely are.”Emma smiled brightly and pushed their cart to the next isle.

* * *

They made it home an hour later, struggling to carry the bags filled with what they thought they were going to need to redo Regina’s bedroom. They had almost left the store without a cover for the floor but just the last minute, Emma had remembered and had ran through the entire store trying to find one. And that was the first thing she dumped on the floor when the door closed behind them.

“If we didn’t need this, I would burn it.” she huffed, shaking her arms, hoping the feeling would return sooner rather than later. Arms were kind of necessary if you wanted to be a functioning human.

“Please don’t, I don’t need a floor that doubles as a purple Dalmatian.” Regina said as she carried the rest of their stuff further into the apartment. “Do you wanna get right down to it or are you hungry?”

“Its kinda funny that you are asking me that.” Emma said and smiled brightly to let the other woman know she meant nothing with it.

Regina rolled her eyes, because she knew Emma meant nothing with it. Ever since the beginning Emma had made sure she knew all the possible jokes came from a place of warmth.

“You didn’t answer my question, dummy.” Regina reminded. “Because I’m really in the mood for getting this done as fast as possible.”

“Because you want to be done with it?” Emma was slightly worried that Regina was not having a good time but the understanding of the others feelings worked well on both ways. Regina noticed the change of tone and slight downturn of Emma’s pink lips.

“Not at all. I’m having a great time with you.” Regina said and smiled. “I just have never done anything like this and I’m very eager to get to try it.”

Emma nodded, relieved and grabbed the stereo they used for music in the kitchen. They carried the rest of the things into Regina’s bedroom and started to move things off the way to protect them from paint.

Regina was in the charge of setting up their music as Emma mixed their paint and set it ready for them. The brunette was a bit unsure what kind of music the other woman liked so she picked something that she herself usually listened, hoping not the get judged horribly for it.

When the first beats hit the air, the blonde swirled around the quickly the rest of the hairs that had heroically remained on a bun, slipped down and covered Emma’s face. Like nothing had happened, Emma flipped her hair out of the way and looked seriously at Regina.

“You like Cher?”

Regina was unsure why Emma was so serious but she was getting a bit self conscious now and she wishes she had chosen something else. But it was too late and she wasn’t going to lie.

“She is my favourite singer.”

Emma was silent for a while before she pulled her hair back up and into an even messier bun.

“Maybe I should marry you.”

Regina reached for her brush with a wide smile and an intense blush.


	12. Chapter 12

The wall ended up getting painted and what Regina gave Emma endless braise on was the fact that the blonde had managed to keep most of the paint on the wall. The first brush stroke had splashed extensive amount of paint on the cover they had for the floor and Emma had almost fallen down several times.

Regina couldn’t deny the satisfaction that she got while painting and with every roll, she had covered more and more, leaving behind a flawless result. But what had amused her the most, was the slight swaying Emma had done to the beat of Cher, all the while painting in every which way she pleased.

Once Regina had looked over when the blonde had laughed quietly, only to find that the other woman had painted small kitten and then used her brush to pet it slightly before quickly painting over it so Regina wouldn’t notice.

The thing was though, she noticed everything about Emma. How she dressed, how she smiled, how she did these small things to make someone else smile. And knowing there was a cat, who the blonde had taken the responsibility of so it wouldn’t die of cold or hunger, made the tiny painting that much more important. Regina made a mental note to give the cat even more than an extra bowl of food that night.

The instructions said that you should leave the wall be for as long as possible and they had no intensions or no real need even, to touch it today. Emma complained about the intense smell and asked was Regina sure about sleeping in her room tonight. The brunette wasn’t faced, not right now at least as she assured that she would be more than fine.

Cleaning up was accompanied by ‘Gypsies, tramps and thieves’ and before the song was over, they were all done, staring at their handiwork.

“It looks pretty damn good.” Emma was smirking again, but this time it was out of proudness. “Your side looks amazing, you got some real talent there.”

Regina did feel like she had done well and when she looked at Emma’s side, she noted that the other woman had cleaned up her strokes after going in weird directions with her brush.

“We did well.” she agreed, unable to fight a smile. “Thank you, Emma.”

“For what?”

“For the surprise.” she glanced at the woman standing next to her. “I would never have done this by myself. And I had a really great time with you.”

Emma was pleased to the point of blushing a little bit. She had wanted to do something nice for the other woman ever since she heard her talk about her room. Sure the picture had been a good first step but she needed something grander which had led her to this brilliant idea.

It seemed like Regina had genuinely had a good time if her wide smile and mouthing of Cher lyrics were anything to go by. She had been so precise and focused, and Emma was sure she was unaware of the slight jump she did whenever she finished painting her patch.

She dared to glance the brunette from the corner of her eye.

The final strands of sun were making their last marks through the small window, creating a glow on the tan skin, making the brown eyes shine just a bit. Regina’s hair was pulled up and even after painting it looked just as perfect as it did before they started. There was something about this woman that Emma had never found in any other woman before. She had seen her fair share of beautiful women, but the woman in front of her was something else entirely.

It was hard for Emma to land on one word to describe Regina, because she thought of made so much sense but didn’t compliment her fully. Beautiful, obviously. Not even beautiful, but otherworldly. Smart, in many ways and in her own way. She was eager to learn and if you treated her kindly, she would do the same for you. But what she was as a whole, was something… unique.

Unique.

The word made Emma hum happily because that was definitely a good way to describe Regina. She was that in every sense of the word. She was someone you just wanted to be around and it was almost empowering. Regina Mills was _that _woman.

But there was something else, embedded under her brilliance and beauty. She sometimes revealed small things about her past, how unhappy and sad she had been before. But Emma was sure there was so much more to it, so many more layers. It was almost like an impending storm that was constantly brewing inside the other woman.

The only reason you weren’t hit by a lightning was because Regina managed to keep it all inside.

But Emma wanted to get wet and get hit by thousand lightnings, she wanted to learn everything she could. Regina was her mystery, that was even her name on Emma’s phone. But each day she learned more and more, and she was grateful that Regina felt like she wanted to share.

“Should we have a little drink to celebrate?” Regina broke Emma’s inner musings with her happy question. And without even answering, Emma sprinted out of the door towards the kitchen to find them some glasses.

There was always some wine in the house, that was something Regina had promised to take care of. Emma also had some vodka in her room that she had gotten as a gift but hadn’t had a reason to open yet. Now however, everything was brought to the table, as well as some snacks to help with the intensity of the vodka.

When Emma poured them both a shot, Regina looked at her warily. She had never had a shot of pure vodka and she was a little scared, but she wasn’t going to say anything. There was already a long list of things she had never done and she didn’t want to add any more to it.

“To us, for painting a masterpiece.” Emma lifted her shot glass as steadily as she could, waiting for Regina to tap it with her own, which the brunette hurried to do. They managed to manoeuvre around safely without spilling any liquid as they shot them back.

Regina could feel her entire mouth burn horribly as the liquid made its way down her throat. She felt the massive urge to cough but suddenly there was warmth spreading all around her body.

It was definitely an interesting sensation, but not at all unpleasant. Only moments later the warmth spread as far as into her head and she felt good. Really good.

“Gives a nice little buzz, doesn’t it?” Emma smiled, feeling the familiar warmth spread all around her body. It had been a while since she had drank anything harder than the wine Regina stocked up.

“It’s very pleasant.” Regina smiled brightly, feeling her cheeks heat up. Yes, very pleasant indeed.

Emma had brought the speaker with her from the bedroom and she set it up and connected her phone to it.

“So, what else do you listen, other than the greatest ever, our queen and savior Cher?”

They ended up sitting right next to each other, their sides touching and few drinks later, Regina was resting her head comfortably on Emma’s shoulder while their arms were linked. It was so incredibly comfortable, almost as good as hugging Emma, but only almost.

Emma was showing her the music she liked to listen and Regina had to admit she liked everything the blonde put on. There were a lot she had never heard and when she had mentioned that, Emma had wasted no time in making them a playlist. Something she named 12B, which was their apartment number. Also to make sure Regina knew how, she showed her how to add music to it so it would be balanced for both of them.

When Emma was explaining, Regina took a sip of her wine all the while staring at the blonde. She was incredible. Something as simple as having a playlist together was nearly making her chest break because her heart was desperately trying to beat out of it.

She just wanted to squeeze Emma closer and feel the weight of her body around her. Emma was an excellent hugger and she brought with her the sense of safety. Regina had always felt somewhat physically safe but her mentally that had never been a part of the deal she had with life.

But with Emma around she felt always safe and cared for, and it was so irresistible for her. She just wanted to be around her all the time and she missed her when they were apart.

Her eyes widened comically as she concentrated on Emma’s face again. Holy motherfucking shit.

“And then there is Satellites of course which is my favourite morning routine. If I don’t hear it at least once while getting ready, my day is not starting.” Emma lifted up the phone for Regina to see. It was slightly hard to keep focused with vodka and wine in her system _and_ feeling the brunette’s body lean on her so heavily.

It was causing her brain to fog up but she fought through it heroically up until this moment. When Regina didn’t answer she turned to look at her only to find brown eyes intently watching her and paying no attention to the phone she was still holding her way.

“You okay?” she felt the need to ask because the intensity of those brown eyes was getting slightly scary. Not that she looked angry but Emma’s entire body was feeling the effects of them and she didn’t really know what to do with that.

“I’m fine.” the otherwise so rich voice was robotic and she made a huge effort to set her wine glass down on the table without breaking the connection between their eyes.

The longer Regina looked at her, the more comfortable Emma felt which was weird because that had never happened with anyone. But when Regina’s hand reached out and laid itself on her cheek, her entire body went tense.

Regina’s brown eyes were no longer directed at her green ones but they were looking at her own hand that was slightly caressing the pale cheek under it. It was like the brunette was in her own little world, unaware of anything around her.

Slowly but surely Emma could feel her body relax and she tentatively lifted her own hand to rest on top of Reginas. That made the brown eyes move to lock with hers again as they just stared at each other for a long while.

Emma knew very clearly what she wanted to do right now, but she had no idea how to even go about it without possibly misreading the situation or crossing the line. But it seemed like she didn’t have to think about it much longer.

Regina leaned closer, gently pressing her nose against Emma’s. Her eyes were slipping shut as she breathed calmly in and out. She could feel Emma hold onto her hand tightly, grounding her. Regina knew what she wanted to do but she wanted to give the other woman the chance to signal to her if she didn’t want the same things. But so far, it seemed like Emma was feeling at least partly the same way she was.

Tilting her head slightly, she pressed the tiniest of kisses to the corner of Emma’s lips before pulling back completely and letting go of Emma’s hand.

She didn’t dare to open her eyes, in fact she squeezed them shut so tightly it was slightly hurting her face. But right now she had lost all courage she had just had and she was terrified. Terrified of look of disgust and disapproval, terrified of losing Emma over this, terrified of -

Suddenly there were lips pressed against her own and two hands resting on her cheeks. The lips were demanding and passionate, but just like always, the way Emma held her was sweet. There was a lingering taste of wine on her pink lips but otherwise all Regina could sense was the natural essence of the blonde, surrounding her completely.

Everything was Emma, Emma, Emma. _Emma_.

Regina’s body was responding without asking permission and before she knew it her own hands had found their way to Emma’s sides where she balled the blonde’s shirt tightly into her fists, looking for something to ground her. Her grip was demanding enough to make their bodies clash together, both shivering when their fronts rubbed together.

There was no denying the hunger they had for each other, or the way their bodies were moulding together as the kiss got impossibly deeper.

Regina didn’t want their lips to be apart even for a second and she would happily live the rest of her days attached to the blonde if it meant this would be the last thing happening before she died. She could feel her entire being shake with the magnitude of being with Emma.

No one had ever made her body feel like this, so on fire, so out of control. Every piece of her hurt but in the most appealing way and she was begging for more. Not vocally but physically. She needed this.

She lifted her leg over the blonde and laid her entire bodyweight on Emma’s lap. If he had been able to think straight she would have probably been pretty embarrassed about her hips grinding helplessly against Emma’s body.

When Regina had placed herself on Emma’s lap, the blonde had let go of her cheeks and without waisting one more second, her hands flew under the most gorgeous ass in the world. She held onto to other woman tightly, almost passing out when she felt the other woman start grinding on her.

Seeing Regina above her, trying to maintain the kiss all the while breathing heavily into Emma’s mouth was something that the younger woman never thought she would see. It was so incredibly arousing, more so than anything else she had ever seen or experienced in her life.

She had always known Regina was one of a kind, but this was something completely else.

“Emma, Emma…”

Emma could feel wetness pool in her panties when she heard the breathy moans against her lips. She wanted nothing more than to flip them around and take Regina hard and fast, and instead of moaning have her scream Emma’s name so loud everyone in the building could hear her.

Wanting to meet the brown eyes properly, Emma broke their kiss for the first time. There was a protest trying to escape from Regina’s lips but Emma pressed her finger against the swollen lips to silence the other woman.

When they were like this, suddenly apart and still, Emma felt the reality slowly coming back to her. They were roommates. Regina was her best friend. She didn’t even know was Regina into women. They had been drinking, a lot. This could ruin absolutely everything they had build. She could lose Regina in a blink of an eye. But it had all felt so right, so how could it be so wrong?

Emma wasn’t the only one who was realising what had just happened. Being pressed against Emma created a certain kind of fog, a delicious, dangerous fog. But now when they were apart, thing were getting clearer for Regina.

They had kissed. _A lot_.

And if the shivers still shaking her body were anything to go by, she had almost come undone against Emma’s stomach. Emma, her best friend, her roommate and quite literally the only important person in her life.

Oh fuck, fucking fuck.

Regina sprung up from Emma’s lap as gracefully as she could which was not graceful at all, as she had quite literally moulded against the blonde. She huffed and tried to stand straight but as she stood up, every single bit of alcohol rushed into her head and she nearly fell backwards.

It was Emma who caught her by standing up quicker than light and wrapping her arms around the other woman’s waist. It was unclear to both of them how she had even managed to do that, but here they were again, bodies pressed tightly together.

The now familiar shivers were returning tenfold with each passing minute they staid like that and Regina was afraid if they didn’t step apart, she would be pushing Emma on the couch and climbing her again.

But she couldn’t, she shouldn’t. This could ruin _everything_.

“I think it’s time for me to go to sleep.” she managed to state without her voice wavering too much as she gently squeezed Emma’s arms to signal her to loosen her grip. It took Emma a few moments but eventually she did.

It felt like all the warmth was gone from around her when Regina stepped away and when the brunette turned her back at her, walked into her room and hurriedly closed the door, Emma’s heart shattered into a million pieces.


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as Regina had made it into her room she fell to her knees, cursing herself because she was no longer young and it hurt to fall like that. But there was nothing or no one holding her up now.

They had kissed. Kissed! And not a little bit either.

Regina closed her eyes and gently bit her lower lip as she thought back to what had just happened on the couch. The kisses had been demanding, hot and desperate. Emma had this irresistible way of lightly sucking her lower lip as they kissed, and even a thought of that made Regina throb.

That was another thing. She was _horny_. Regina didn’t even know had her body ever reacted to anything this way. It wasn’t like she was a virgin and she had enjoyed sex, or at least she thought she had. Because just making out with Emma had nearly given her the most earth shattering orgasm, and she they had been fully clothed and it had lasted for less than ten minutes.

Letting the rest of her body relax, Regina laid on her back on the floor, hoping the coolness of it would soothe her burning body. But as long as her mind remained on Emma, there was no release.

And it was impossible for her not to think about Emma. Playing everything over and over in her head was not helping her raging mind, but it was so delightful but what knocked her back to reality was the closing of Emma’s door, somewhere on her left.

Regina stared at the wall that separated their rooms, the wall they had spend hour painting today. But what she found herself staring at was the far corner, all the way where Emma had been painting. The blonde had insisted on writing their initials on there, in the smallest font ever, just to leave something behind. Regina had refused so many times but after Emma had pressed her pen against the wall, she had agreed hastily. She had wanted to go first because she wanted to make sure Emma would actually keep it tiny, so she would have to follow her lead.

The initials were there, Emma’s on top of Regina’s. Regina could barely make them out from where she laid, but she knew they were there.

Getting slightly uncomfortable, she rolled on her back and closed her eyes when her world started spinning. Breathing deeply in and out helped somewhat and she wished she had thought about bringing some water into her room.

She didn’t know what was going to happen now. What had occurred between them could ruin their friendship and damage their bond as roommates. But Regina didn’t want that, god, even thinking about that almost made her start crying.

Emma was her best friend and without a doubt the most important person in her life. It should have been weird to call someone she had known for such a brief while her person, but with Emma it wasn’t weird. From the beginning she had been kind, kinder than anyone had ever been towards her. Even when she had lashed out after a panic attack, the blonde had pushed it all aside and brought her food instead.

When she had gotten a job, it was Emma whose arms wrapped tightly around her. It was Emma who texted her good morning and goodnight, even on days when they were lucky enough to see each other. It was Emma who grated extra cheese for every meal just because she knew Regina adored cheese. It was Emma whose hand she always held, whose hand she wanted to hold.

It was Emma.

Regina shot up from the floor, her calm breathing exercise quickly turned into small panicked breaths. She was not far from throwing up either but she willed and begged it all to stay down.

She never would have seen this coming when she walked out of her old life less than two months ago. Being unhappy had been one of the corner stones of her life ever since she was small, but as soon as she stood up for herself and said ‘no more’, she had managed to turn it all around for herself. She had made it to that happy place. But in the happy place with her, was the loud, brilliant, annoying blonde who knew more curse words than any other person Regina had ever known.

It was unclear when exactly she had fallen in love with Emma Swan, but there was no denying it now. It was too late. And it was equally terrifying and freeing.

When she had woken up today, Regina had not expected to be laying on her floor, drunk off her ass, wishing could feel Emma’s lips against her own and having a crisis, all at the same time. If she had been sober, this would have been too much for her so being drunk was actually proven to be helpful for her. She definitely worried less.

Did she love Emma? Yes. Could it be just a crush? Doubtful. What did she want to do? Kiss her again. Why did she feel scared? Because there was a massive chance Emma would not be feeling the same way. What was she going to do? Tomorrow would tell…

Regina knew she had to eventually bring it up somehow but what made it much harder was being hopeful. She didn’t want to hope, it wasn’t in her blood to be hopeful, but goddammit, that was the only thing she could do right now. She didn’t even know was Emma into women, that little snippet of information would have helped a lot!

They had talked a lot about stuff, but past relationships had never really fully come up. Regina had hinted in more than one instance about a failed marriage and it had been very clear it was a ‘him’ not a ‘her’.

Giving the painted wall a quick glance, Regina bit her nail slightly. Maybe this was something that Emma was thinking about as well? The only thing she had heard about her was that she had been married to a man. There had never been any indication about romantic feelings towards a woman.

Regina had never wanted to put herself in a box but all through her youth it had always been heavily implied by her mother, that if she even dared to lust over a woman, there would be hell to pay. Regina had never been with a woman, but she knew how to appreciate one. She was no stranger to flirting or even showing blatant admiration towards some, but she had been faithful til the end of her marriage.

And when she had moved into the apartment, dating had been the furthest thing from her mind, because there were just so many other things to worry about. She had just wanted a roommate, someone to share the bills with and maybe eventually become friends with. Nothing in her had prepared for a tiny whirlwind named Emma.

Everything in her wanted to just open the door and go knock on Emma’s but something was stopping her. Her naive, beautiful hopefulness had a twin called doubt, and she was a bitch. What if Emma rejected her on the spot or even worse, managed to find a way to make fun of her?

Sighing, Regina got up from the floor, struggling every bit of the way and eventually made it to her bed. There were teeth to be brushed, clothes to be changed and bedsheets to be pulled back. But she didn’t give a shit.

Falling in love was one thing, but no one really warned you about the power it gave to the person you fell for. Because right now, Emma could destroy her in ways Regina had never been able to destroy herself.


	14. Chapter 14

The morning came far too soon and having forgotten to pull the curtains over her window, the insufferable morning sun nearly blinded her when it got high enough to pass the peaks of the buildings.

Regina let out an uncharacteristic hiss as she lifted her hand to shield her eyes. But what stopped the simple motion was a splitting headache that started somewhere around her left ear and circled around her head to end at the base of her skull. Her head felt four times the size it had been yesterday and every single bit of it hurts so badly that tears were streaming out of the brown eyes. She placed her hand gently on her forehead, nearly sobbing as she made contact. It had been a while since she had had a hangover headache and right now she just wanted to wish it all away.

Laying her head gently back to the pillow, she swallowed roughly and closed her eyes. If she was honest with herself, she was unsure what she actually wanted to wish away. Everything that had happened last night had not left her mind even for a moment. Even in her dreams she had been wrapped up in Emma, her body, her scent, her energy.

Trying to breathe through the pain of her headache, Regina turned her head slowly to the other direction because the sun was starting to climb higher and higher, in turn exposing more and more of Regina’s room to sunlight.

Regina knew what she wanted but she was torn. Bigger part of her wanted to explore her feelings towards Emma and share them with the blonde, because it had looked like Emma returned them, at least partly. But the other part of her, the more doubtful part, was scared shitless. There was always a chance that it all was just a drunken mistake, that it had all happened because Emma was the kind of person to shot back pure vodka like it was water.

But every doubt she had fought against the knowledge she had of Emma. Emma was kind and considerate, always making sure she was alright physically as well as mentally. It seemed like Regina had become someone Emma cared deeply for and it was just very unlike Emma to just drop someone she cared about. The pieces just didn’t fit but rather than calming her nerves, it rattled them.

Some fresh tears leaked from under the closed eyelids and Regina was unsure was it because of headache or heartache. Either way, it was all fitting. She was so afraid of Emma rejecting her, possibly even laughing it off which somehow seemed like the worst case scenario. Being rejected by someone you cared so deeply for was something Regina had never experienced but even the thought of it squeezed her heart.

No one wanted to be rejected but Regina was seriously unsure would she be able to cope with it. Maybe making important life decisions while hungover was not the best idea she had had, but she needed a some kind of plan.

Maybe just going on with their life as normal was the answer to getting over Emma. Sure, she wanted to kiss Emma right this very second, but she would not put their friendship in jeopardy over that. She was not going to lose Emma over her feelings that might not even be mutual.

Her need to pee was getting too great for her to fight, and she got up as gently as possible. There was drumming and needless inside her skull, but she tried her best to ignore it as she walked to the door. Holding onto the doorknob for few extra seconds, she breathed in and out heavily. Fucking vodka.

Opening her door slowly, she pushed her head out first to scan the living room. There was no one there, and it looked like Emma had cleaned up after Regina had stormed into her bedroom.

Regina felt bad about leaving the blonde like that, especially since they had barely said anything to each other after making out so heavily and she wanted to find a way to apologise. But she was unsure how without bringing up what happened between them.

Walking was almost harder than it had been yesterday but she at least she managed to move silently. She hesitated for a second next to Emma’s door but steered past it bravely and entered the bathroom. Locking the door, she jumped a little bit to shimmy out of the clothes she had fallen asleep in.

Peeing after drinking was somewhat a religious experience and Regina was unsure just how long she sat there, just with her eyes closed, revelling in the dim light and chilliness of the bathroom. She wanted to stay there til she felt better but it seemed like someone else was feeling the same ache she was.

“Regina? Can you please come out, I need to pee so badly, I’m gonna die!” Emma seemed really desperate and as fast that was physically possible for her, Regina hurried to wash her hands and exit.

She passed Emma at the door, trying not to stare but finding herself failing. Emma looked like she always did, with her messy but still somehow gorgeous hair pulled to one side. She was rubbing her eyes tiredly and the only thing she was wearing was a massive t-shirt. For someone who had drank half a litre of vodka, she looked and smelled amazing.

For a brief second, they were almost pressed together and Regina felt the pull. She wanted to slip her arms around her waist and press her face into the space where her neck and shoulder met. She wanted to be held.

But as soon as the moment had started, it ended as Emma slipped into the bathroom and the door closed quickly after that. Shaking her head, and then grunting because it seemed like the pain was circling her head, she made her way into the kitchen to get some much needed water.

Spending the day in bed seemed like the best idea there was so she made herself some toast and coffee before carrying her snacks into her room. Closing the door only slightly, she placed her food on her bedside table. Snuggling back into the bed, she fell back asleep instantly before she had a chance to touch any of her food.

* * *

Waking up for the second time was a much gentler experience. When she opened her eyes, there was only a slight dull pain on top of her right brow but otherwise it seemed like her dreamless sleep had done the trick.

Laying still, she listened closely. There was faint talking coming from the living room but when it was accompanied with senseless laughter, Regina figured it must have been the tv and one of the many re-runs of the old sitcoms.

It was safe to assume Emma was there as well and even when Regina wanted to avoid the blonde for a while longer, she knew it was time to put an end to this. Emma had respected her boundaries by not knocking on her door when Regina knew for sure that it was what she wanted to do.

What she had decided while hangover still stood, and when she made her way to the door, she just hoped things weren’t going to explode before she even had a say in it.

When she stepped into the living room, the tv was indeed on but she couldn’t see Emma anywhere. Her door was open so it was very unlikely she was in her room but when the brunette walked further into the room, she saw a bit of blonde hair peek from the side of the couch.

“Emma?” she asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the other woman if she was asleep.

“Regina?” she wasn’t asleep but sat up very quickly and turned her huge eyes to look at Regina. “Are you alright?”

Regina was unsure what the question was really about but considering she had slept for most of the day, she chose to answer about her current health.

“I was really hungover this morning but falling back asleep really helped.” she smiled because that was the kind of effect Emma had on her. “Are you feeling alright?”

Emma was silent for a while, her face completely unreadable. Her eyes were zeroed on Regina, not faltering even for a second. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, Regina let out a small sigh of relief.

“No, yeah, I feel alright. Little alcohol doesn’t affect me.”

“That was little alcohol to you?” Regina was genuinely shocked as she thought back on the absolutely horrendous headache.

“I’m a badass that way.” and with the smirk that widened on her face Regina felt her heart settle. Maybe things were going to be alright after all.

* * *

Emma didn’t know what was going to happen when Regina had emerged from her room late Sunday afternoon but it seemed like the other woman didn’t even think about what had happened the night before. Emma had briefly wondered did she even remember what went down because Regina had been really drunk. It just seemed so unlikely so before she said anything, she waited for the entire day for the brunette to give her any kind of indication.

But by the time they had gone to bed again, Regina had acted like she always did. She had smiled brightly when Emma had whipped them up some dinner, they had sat together on the couch watching Netflix but nothing, _nothing_ implicated to any other activities.

It had taken Emma hours to fall asleep the night before. Making out with Regina had been one of the most breathtaking experiences of her life, probably the most if she was honest with herself. It took every ounce of Emma’s considerable self control not to just wrap the smaller woman into her arms and kiss her senseless. She never would but god wouldn’t it be wonderful.

Ever since she saw Regina for the first time she had been appreciative of the brunettes beauty. She was a stunning woman, otherworldly of course. But when she got to know her better, her flaws and interests, it was so clear that they were very different. Which made Regina somehow even more beautiful in Emma’s eyes.

Emma had never wanted to fall in love with anyone ever again. She had done that once and that tore her open and she bled for a long time.

But Regina was different. If Emma had not been in love once before she probably would have submitted herself to emergency room way before this because loving Regina made her chest hurt in the best of ways.

It felt strange to feel this way about the other woman, someone she had only known for such a brief while. But Emma had not seen this coming so she had done nothing to protect herself from it. And sometimes there was nothing you could do except let it all happen for you.

She wouldn’t use the word in front of Regina for a long, long time but it felt liberating using it in her own mind. It all just made sense.

Which is why last night was such a turn in their story. Or so Emma had thought but after going a day with not a single mention, she was left confused and even a little hurt. She knew what she wanted but she wanted to want it together with Regina.

And as the week went by, Emma got more and more frustrated. Things were the same but also… not.

It was the small things that had taken a step backwards. There were no more handholding. None, zero. It was like whenever Emma tried to initiate it, Regina found a reason to either remove herself from the situation or pick up something. That could just be one thing, but there were other things.

Normally Regina messaged her back very quickly and she was very talkative when they didn’t see each other. And what made Emma nearly cry was the lack of emojis. Since Sunday there had not been a single emoji in sight and it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but for someone as emoji rich as Regina, it was upsetting.

Emma had been granted another free weekend in a row which normally would have been exciting news for her but right now she wished she could have hid at work because being home just wasn’t bringing the same kind of happiness as it had before last weekend.

When they had kissed, Emma had been worried for all of two seconds that things were going to get ruined. But then things had started moving faster and faster, and Emma’s brain had turned itself off at that point. Right now she wished she could go back to stop it before it happened, but then again, she was unsure how much that would actually change.

When she had gotten ready to leave work on Thursday afternoon, her coworker and friend, Jane, had come by her desk. They had exchanged few words, Emma feeling just a bit better since it was nice to talk about other stuff at work other than the actual work.

“Some of us are going out for drinks tomorrow.” Jane had started before leaning more on the desk. “You should come.”

In any other situation she would have kindly declined but since the things were what they were between her and Regina, there was very little chance they would be spending much time together and the more they had, the worse Emma somehow felt.

So she took Jane up on her offer and promised she would be joining them right from work instead of going all the way back home to get changed.

When she made it home that night, Regina had already come home. She was reading on the couch with her feet perched on the side of the coffee table. When she heard the door, she turned to smile at Emma.

It had been a weird week and even when she had done her best to act as if everything was normal, she felt like she had failed miserably. It felt like no matter what she did, it all came down to the fact that she missed the feel of Emma’s arms around her. She wanted Emma so badly but the blonde was being distant and she hadn’t brought up the night either.

She was still always happy when Emma made it home, always always. Always.

“Hey, how was work?” she asked as she marked her page on the book before setting it down. She turned her entire body towards the blonde who was putting away her things. Emma had smiled back at her like she always did but Regina could see from the side of her face that the smile was long gone. It made her stomach drop.

“It was alright.” Emma loved her job but even that felt like nothing when things weren’t like they used to between her and Regina. “How was yours?”

Regina launched into a story about her day like she always did but Emma used only her other ear to listen. It was hurting her hear to even see the other woman when there was nothing else she could do other than just stand there and smile, and pretend that everything was fine.

None the less, she nodded and smiled and waited for Regina to be done with her story. When the brunette ended with a small laugh, Emma decided not to comment and asked about dinner instead.

They ended up eating by the couch, watching a show about magic tricks.

Every bite Emma took seemed tasteless and every word she spoke seemed fake. There were so many things she wished to say but everything was holding her back. It seemed like Regina had nothing to say about what happened between them at least anything positive, as it seemed like she was pulling away.

As soon as the dinner was done, Emma stood up to take their dishes to the kitchen. She just wanted to shower and go to bed, and get super drunk tomorrow.

“Do you wanna watch some more?” Regina asked, worried since Emma was anything but her normal bubbly self. “It’s not that late yet.”

“Actually, Regina, I might just go shower and turn in early.” Emma wanted to sound casual and non bothered but she just couldn’t muster it.

“Oh, alright.” Regina could feel her chest ache as she watched Emma make her way to the bathroom. She wanted to cry out so badly but there would be no way she would do it in front of Emma.

“Oh, I also promised to go out with some people from work tomorrow night.” Emma said from the door to the bathroom. “I will be going directly from work, so I will be seeing you later then?”

Regina couldn’t muster anything to say so she nodded numbly as she watched the blonde disappear into the bathroom.


	15. Chapter 15

Was it possible to lose someone who was never yours?

That was everything Regina could think about during the night when she tossed and turned, trying her hardest not to stare at the framed picture of her and Emma that was still the only thing hanging on her purple wall.

The sleep she graved and needed was not coming for her tonight and her brain was getting overtired which caused her to worry and overthink. She was a master of that specific art and it felt like her entire being was in such overdrive.

Regina had no idea when she had finally passed out from tears and exhaustion but she woke up the following morning when the front door slammed shut, no doubt a sign of Emma leaving the apartment.

Emma.

Even the thought of the blonde brought fresh tears into her eyes, as she pushed her face into the pillow and screamed out her agony. There was so much swirling in her heart that was solely for and because of Emma. The feelings she had for the other woman were strong and overpowering, and it was nearly killing her to have things change so drastically.

She didn’t know why it was like this. Sure, she had done less than amazing job at keeping herself in check, but she wasn’t sure was Emmas behaviour response to that or was she so bothered about what they did together that she could barely stand being around her.

A small bit of bile rose to Regina’s mouth as she thought about the possibility of Emma feeling repulsed by her. It was one thing to be rejected but if someone was actually so regretful that they couldn’t handle being in the same room as her, well it was a good reason to cry her guts out.

Trying to push it all out of her mind, she swung out of the bed and made a beeline to the door. She had a job to get to and if Emma was out of the door already, it meant Regina had to get a move on.

* * *

Arriving to work was always a pleasant experience for Regina. No matter what anyone thought, no matter how many bad things people had to say, she loved her job. Sure, sometimes the only thing she wanted to do was to throw someones coffee on their face but Kristin had assured her that it just came with the job.

There was always something to do and in those very rare moments when she had done everything she was meant to, she just chilled with Kristin in her office, chatting and talking business.

Regina was still floored that someone as experienced and smart as Kristin would ever even listen to her suggestions, let alone act on any of the advice she gave. But this woman had made couple of very smooth moves with the help of Regina, and the brunette was over the moon about the trust the other woman placed on her.

Today was like any other day though, but for some reason it was hard for Regina to concentrate. She delivered wrongly two times, and the people were regular customers who she knew by name and who came in every day and ordered the exact same things.

When Regina returned behind the counter and placed down her tray, sighing tiredly, Kristin placed her hand on her shoulder.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

“What makes you think anything’s wrong?” Regina knew that her boss was onto her, because they had been sharing some more personal things when becoming friends. Sure they didn’t know each other as well as Regina knew Emma, but still.

“Don’t you talk shit to me, Regina.” the hand left the shoulder and what Regina received instead was a hard stare. She wasn’t worried though because that was just how Kristin was. “Spill the green beans.”

Regina was unsure why she just didn’t brush it all off but before she knew it she had ended up telling Kristin everything about her off weekend with Emma. How the blonde had surprised her, how they had spend the day painting her room and eventually, how they ended up making out on their couch.

Kristin listened without interrupting, her face blank as a paper, with no emotion or opinions seeping through. When Regina eventually quieted, she looked down and waited to hear what her boss was going to be saying.

“Regina…” Kristin started, her tone softer than Regina had ever heard it. It made her lift her face and stare at the older woman. “You do know you have to talk to her, right?”

“But there is such a huge chance it will ruin everything.” Regina repeated the sentence she had been swirling in her head ever since last Sunday.

“Don’t you feel like things have already changed for the worse and you haven’t even had a chance to do anything about it? You haven’t shot your shot and you have already almost lost her.” Kristin tried not to shove but gently push her friend to understand.

Regina hadn’t thought about it that way. She had been so worried about ruining it by talking that she hadn’t realised just how bad it already was without them having been quiet. That set a flame of panic in her chest and she looked helpless as her breathing was getting out of control.

She could not break down here, there was no way. But right now she had nothing to ground her, nothing to calm her. Emma was not here.

But thankfully Kristin was a wise woman as she quickly led Regina into her office, found someone to replace her at the registry and brought her some water, all in two minutes. Regina was sitting on the floor of the office, pressing her forehead to her knees, breathing as calmly as possible.

As always, she had no idea how long she sat there, but when she eventually lifted her eyes, her boss was sitting next to her, gently holding onto her arm. Regina felt mortified that this had all happened, but before she could voice any of it, Kristin spoke.

“I was in love once.”

Regina didn’t know what to say, so instead she reached for the glass of water that was still on the floor next to her and took a gentle sip. Her wait was rewarded.

“She was so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. I have never in my life met anyone that was quite like her. We were pretty young but still in love.”

Regina was listening, waiting to hear what would be happening next. She had had no idea Kristin was into women, but in retrospect it all made sense somehow.

“I wanted to ask her to marry me when she turned 21. We had been planning on running away because her family was not accepting. She had begged me to propose to her for a long time so we could go but I kept putting it off in hopes of her family growing to accept us.” there was a hollow laugh that echoed in the office. “I missed my shot. I waited for too long, because before I knew it she agreed to marry someone else. I just saw her few weeks ago, they are expecting their second child.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, the older woman pulled a bottle of whiskey and took a big gulp before Regina could question her about it. Regina was stunned because she never would have thought her boss had gone through something like this. She was so strong and independent, and she seemed completely unbreakable.

“I’m sorry.”

Regina didn’t know what else to say so she opted for that. What she received was another hollow laugh and a small bottle was offered to her direction. She didn’t even hesitate to bring it to her lips as she took a big gulp of her own.

“Don’t waste another moment, Regina. You have to tell her, because you owe it to yourself.” Kristin said quietly. “You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering what you could have had if you were braver.”

* * *

When Regina made it home later that day, she knew it was going to be an extremely long night. Emma was out and she had told her she would not be coming home before meeting with her coworkers. That caused a new sting in her chest and she had to physically rub her palm over where her heart lay hidden.

She thought back to how Emma asked her advice, how she had wanted to include her even when Regina wasn’t joining her. And she had mentioned how she wished that the other woman would be awake when she came home.

That was Regina’s aim tonight. She was going to stay awake and when Emma came home, she would sit her down and tell her about her feelings. Sure it would be nice if Emma wasn’t quite as hammered as she had been the last time but right now Regina would be fine with that because she wasn’t going to waste one single moment.

Knowing how she wanted to set up the mood, the only thing to do now was to find a way to pass the time. It was early evening but there were still hours before Emma usually arrived home. And it was doubtful that the blonde was going to text her tonight as they had been barely talking today.

So Netflix was how she ended up spending her evening, just barely being able to concentrate as she tried her hardest to memorise the exact words she wanted to say to Emma. Right now they were in very awkward grey area but what Regina wanted to clear up was that she was all in. There are no doubts, no regrets. She wanted to be with Emma.

Having almost passed out twice, the midnight arrived and Regina kicked herself into gear. She was going to set up some candles and pour some wine to set some kind of mood. Regina wanted it to be special somehow so she turned off the tv and just sat down with her phone.

Playing one of the many games Emma had introduced her to, she couldn’t help but notice that 1 am came and went and there was still no sign of the blonde.

When another hour had almost passed, Regina was ready to ruin her surprise and message the blonde, asking was everything alright. She had already selected their conversation on her phone when she heard tumbling from the hallway. That sounded very much like a drunken Emma.

Relief bubbled in her chest as she hurried to the door, ready to open it for the other woman. That was when she heard talking.

Pressing her ear to the door, she could hear two people coming closer to their door that was at the end of the hall. Their steps were clumsy and they shushed each other a lot. Confusion was spreading all over Regina’s body as she pressed herself to the door harder to hear.

Now the people were right outside the door and Regina could hear a voice she recognised. That was Emma.

“We have to be quiet, my roommate is asleep.”

Just the fact that Emma had called her ‘a roommate’ instead of using her actual name was somewhat a bunch to the gut but she didn’t have time to mourn that because she could now clearly hear the other person talk. And that other person was a woman.

“I can’t promise to be quiet if you keep doing that.”

Regina felt her stomach drop and her whole world stopped for good few seconds. She didn’t want to believe what her brain was telling her. It seemed so obvious but she wanted to believe there was another explanation to those words.

But when she heard a moan through the door, she waisted no time using the peep hole to see what was happening.

Even when she had already had some kind of idea, what she was able to witness in the dim light of the hallway was so much worse. Every fibre of her being was shaking and tears were already leaking out and blurring her vision.

Emma was pressing a dark haired woman against the wall opposite to their door. Her mouth was attached to the exposed neck and if Regina wasn’t wrong her hands were somewhere way below her navel.

She could see pale hands tangle themselves into the curly blonde hair, moaning a little louder now. Emma mumbled something that Regina wasn’t able to make out but what she saw next made her slap both of her hands in front of her mouth so she wouldn’t sob out loud.

Emma de-attached her lips from the other woman’s neck and pulled her into a bruising kiss. Her other hand made a reappearance and tangled in turn into the dark hair and roughly pulled the other woman closer.

When they changed the position Regina could clearly see that Emma’s hand was working furiously under the skirt of this mystery woman.

That was when Regina tore herself from the peep hole and she stumbled into the living room. There was no sane thought in her head and she was completely clueless about what to do. She wanted to run away, far far away and possibly rip what was left of her heart right out of her chest.

When she had seen Emma with that other woman, it was like someone had stepped into her chest and crushed her heart into million pieces. And the more she saw the further these little shards penetrated and her entire chest was aching in ways it never had.

Regina thought she knew what heartache was like, she thought she had been heartbroken before, but there had never been anything like this. She had survived so much but she wasn’t sure was there a way to recover from this.

The key was being rammed into the lock and the only thing Regina could think about was running. And run she did. Before the front door opened, she was safely in her room, her door closed and locked tightly.

She stood in the middle of the room, with her arms outstretched towards the door like it was going to blast of any second now. She didn’t know what was going to happen now, so the only thing she could do was to wait.

The only horrible detail about waiting was being silent and right now that also meant hearing _everything_.

“Oh, you poured us some drinks in advance? That’s very smooth of you.”

Regina actually gagged and she just begged they didn’t hear her. What Emma said next she couldn’t make out but she heard to glasses gently hit together before there was a silence. Every piece of Regina wished and hoped that it was going to be all there was going to happen, but she had already been wrong so many times today that it should have been clear.

“Why don’t we continue where we left off?”

That was Emma’s voice. Maybe being with a woman wasn’t the problem but being with her specifically had been and that had been the real reason the other woman had pulled away. Another cry was bubbling in her chest, demanding to be let out and Regina hurried towards her bed so she could muffle her cries.

There were so many emotions to push out, too many and Regina could feel her head starting to ache. It was all too overwhelming, it was too much but she had no way out which in turn made her breathing speed up.

Hugging her pillow helped a lot and it also muffled the noises from the living room. Regina was thankful for that although tomorrow she might have to burn every single piece of furniture she owned.

But her small moment of peace was not to last. Somewhere behind the purple wall, Emma’s door was slammed open and the giggles of the mystery woman penetrated through the wall. What made Regina eventually close her eyes in sorrow was the creaking of Emma’s bed frame.

Not long after that, the moaning started. It was somewhat silent at first and Regina managed to use her pillow to block it out. She hummed silently to herself, trying to distract herself. But then, something was clearly happening because there was a slamming against the wall.

At first Regina was confused, but when she could make out a chant of Emma’s name being moaned and only seconds after screamed, she understood exactly what part of Emma’s bed was making a dent to the wall.

Without hesitating, Regina reached for her phone and typed a quick message. The response was instant and she was on her feet and out of her room in a heartbeat. She gathered some things as quickly as she could before heading for the door.

With one last look at the the closed bedroom door, she wiped away a tear and slipped out into the night.


	16. Chapter 16

Emma woke up with a start, sitting up quickly and looking around wildly. The room was completely dark and she hurriedly reached towards where her night light was standing on her bedside table.

The warm light bathed even the darkest of corners with light and Emma sighed, willing her mind to calm down. She had not been sleeping well, in fact, this was the first nightmare in the longest of times. Unsure what it had been about, she tried to work through her exhaustion as she swung her legs out of bed.

Sitting there for a while, she thought back to yesterday. Having felt completely defeated and broken over how things had changed between her and Regina, she had decided to get drunk. And not like a jolly drunk, but drunk enough to black out and if her current state was anything to go by, she had achieved that.

Hobbling towards the door that would lead her out into the living room, the blonde realised with curiosity that she was wearing no clothes. When she reached the door, she shrugged it off because yeah, sometimes you did need some breeze on your lady parts.

She was in a need for some coffee, the good kind that Regina had bought for them. And maybe it was time to talk with Regina about what happened. They were grown ups after all.

Shrugging on a random shirt, she exited her room and wandered towards the kitchen, rubbing her eyes roughly. She should damn well learn to take off make up before bed for crying out loud.

“Good morning.”

The sultry voice stopped Emma on her tracks, shaking her to her core. She knew that voice, she worked with that voice five days a week. What was that voice doing in her kitchen?

Letting her hands fall from her face her eyes zeroed on perky breasts only an arms length from her. That was definitely surprising and her brain went completely blank.

That seemed to somehow work as an invitation because the owner of the said breasts was coming closer, wrapping her arms around Emma’s waits and pressing her lips to her neck.

Suddenly it was all coming back to Emma. How Jane had been leaning on her desk several times every day, each time one more button of her blouse undone. How she had been the one to invite her out with their coworkers. How she had been the one to ask her to the bar to get more drinks. How she had been the one to push her tongue in her mouth. How Emma herself had been so blasted drunk and wanted to get over her sorrow and feelings for Regina. How she had brought her home and done her in the hallway. How she had brought someone in the home she shared with Regina.

Oh, god, Regina.

“Let go of me, please.” she had been the one to invite Jane over so she couldn’t be a complete bitch about this but she wanted the woman gone right this instant. However, it seemed like the other woman hadn’t heard a word she said as she was still peppering kisses all over Emma’s neck.

“Jane, let go of me. Please.” Emma wasn’t going to be saying again and her tone must have been strict enough for the other woman to take a step back.

“What’s wrong?” Jane looked confused and Emma just wished this wasn’t going to be a problem and create unwanted friction at work.

“I need you to go.” she really did. She had to clean up this mess as she wished there was a way to do that. There was no way Regina would have slept through this if she was home and there was so much to explain and she wanted to get to it now.

“What? I thought you wanted me to stay?” Emma was pretty sure she had never said anything like that and she almost rolled her eyes. Oh, she had fucked up big time.

“No. I need and want you to leave. I will message you later.”

The other woman was about to say something when the front door opened and closed. Both women in the kitchen turned to look when a certain brunette rounded the corner.

The burst of happiness that came with seeing Regina was still there, and right now Emma felt it tenfold. But that was laced with confusion and worry because it looked like Regina was carrying an overnight bag. Where had she been?

The brown eyes met the one of green just like they always did. It was like they searched each other out in any room, in any crowd there was. Seeing Emma caused a magical reaction deep inside Regina, but she didn’t smile and she wasn’t happy to be feeling this way. Not after last night.

Only then did she notice the topless woman standing in _their_ kitchen, too close to Emma for her liking. Although, she guessed they must be very close now. She was going to pat herself on the back later for suppressing a dry heave, but what she noticed next tipped her over the edge.

“Not only, did you bring someone into the apartment that we share without telling me.” she was aware that the tone she was using was low and dangerous, but seeing both women gulp and take a step back caused so much satisfaction. “No only, did you _fuck_ her loud enough for everyone to hear.” that was a low blow and she knew it, but she was hurting. “But you make her morning coffee and use the cup that you know means everything to me?!” she was nearly screaming at this point.

Emma whipped her head towards the mess of a kitchen island. It took her only two seconds to realise that Jane had chose the one cup that was off limits to everyone, including Emma. The one personal belonging Regina had and what she cherished more than anything.

And right now, the person she despised the most had made coffee and drank it from it, leaving faint traces of lipstick on the rim.

“Jane, now is the time for you to leave.”

The woman bolted from the room and within a minute she had swooshed past them and slammed the door behind her.

Emma was unsure was there something else Regina wanted to add and if she was honest, she was terrified to speak. There was no way to turn any of this into anything positive so right now she just waited what Regina had to say.

On the other side of the kitchen island, Regina was fuming. She was so incredibly angry. At Emma, because she knew the significance of that cup, the only thing she cared about in this entire apartment. She had even gone as far as pinky promised that no one would ever touch it on her watch but here they were. Regina could have maybe lived with it if Emma had been the one to drink from it, but it had been that _person_.

The anger was quickly turning into numbness. She didn’t know the real details of their relationship but it seemed pretty established to her if this Jane person had slept over and the half made breakfast and free boobs were anything to go by. It would also explain why Emma had pulled away instantly after their drunken kissing.

She wanted to say a lot but right now was not the time. There was no strength left in her body and her mind was crumbling.

So she walked pass the blonde and into her room. She used to be someone who cared about where things were placed but ever since she moved into this apartment she had let herself get comfortable so her overnight bag ended up on the floor at the end of her bed as she shed herself of most of her clothes.

Wrapping the covers around her, she closed her eyes tightly, pressing out few tears before bringing up the phone she was tightly holding onto. There were few messages that she opened, all from Kristin.

_I arranged Hannah to take your shifts for the weekend, so it’s all sorted. Please tell me how it went with Emma? And please know you are always welcome here if it gets too much._

Before yesterday Regina hadn’t even realised how good of a friend Kristin was to her. It was her liquor she had been sipping through the night, it had been on her couch where she tossed and turned, and it had been her toast she had been eating for breakfast.

The older blonde knew everything that was going on and she had nearly stormed to ‘kick Emma’s ass’ last night when Regina had told her what was going on in their apartment. Regina would never let her but she appreciated the gesture.

There had been very little sleeping when her mind had been haunted by the noises and what she had unfortunately seen before sprinting to another direction. Right now she just wanted to sleep and maybe after that, Emma would have something to say.

* * *

As soon as Reginas door closed, Emma sprinted towards the massive yellow cup that was still standing on the counter with some lukewarm coffee in it. She hurried to run hot water over it as she scrubbed every single bit of lipstick off of it.

The reality of her situation was hitting her hard right now. In one well swoop she might have just actually ruined everything in her life. It had already been strange to be around Regina this week as she had been so hard trying to be as indifferent as the brunette was. And that had dulled their friendship, their connection to barely talking and not spending any time together. It had been a horrible week and going by the sheer and utter anger Regina had just expressed, it was going to be worse. So much worse.

And sleeping with Jane, out of all people, would not do good for her working environment. They worked at the same department, and Jane was the office know it all, the biggest gossip ever. Emma didn’t even particularly like her so she felt even more stupid about what had happened last night. Now, she did have regrets.

It could all unravel so subtly but she would be left with a catastrophe. And she had no idea how to contain any of it.

Telling Regina about her feelings right now would be insulting but she had no idea what else to do. She didn’t know how Regina saw her, she didn’t know would Regina forgive her for what had just happened. She knew nothing.

Cleaning the apartment was her next step. The kitchen was a mess, but being somewhat a wizard in this area, she managed to clean up nicely before walking into the bathroom.

Regina had once told her that there were ‘heavy duty’ soaps for intense dirt under the sink and she had even labeled them as such. Emma reached for a bottle and a roll of toilet paper before returning into the living room.

She thanked Reginas amazing taste because the couch was white leather which made cleaning it simple and she didn’t waste any time on spraying the entire couch with the special concoction and wiping it all off. She reached for every single blanket that had been on the couch and pushed them into the washing machine.

Opening the window, she felt just slightly better. The fresh air was making its way around the apartment, removing the stink of alcohol and helping Emma clear her head. She glanced at Regina’s door before climbing on the fire escape.

It was still pretty early and since it was Saturday, their neighbourhood was waking much slower than during weekdays. Emma could party see the tv in one of the apartments in the building next to theirs, and she smiled at the morning cartoons.

There was a booming of traffic but it too was much calmer and quieter than normally. The sun was rising, and it was giving everything a beautiful yellow glow. It was truly a beautiful morning and for a while, Emma forgot all her troubles.

And then there was a nudge on her side but she knew it well.

“Hey bud.” she whispered as she gently scratched the head of the cat who half lived on their fire escape. There was still some food in his bowl so Emma wasn’t hurrying to feed him. Instead she just looked on, past the buildings, just breathing.

Maybe there was a way to fix this.


	17. Chapter 17

Regina emerged from her room, lured by the incredible smell of dinner. She had been asleep for hours but right now she was just slightly numb and hungry. And no matter how much they were fighting, she would always welcome Emma’s cookings.

“Good, you’re up.” Emma had been practising those words for the better part of two hours and she was proud of herself for not chickening out. It felt silly to be so nervous around someone she was so close to.

“I am.” Regina felt the need to acknowledge that she had heard Emma before she cautiously walked towards the kitchen island. Everything that had been there this morning had been cleared off and in its place there was their normal set up.

Regina looked subtly around, trying to locate her cup and she felt her breathing settle when she spotted it in its own place, alone in one of the glass cupboards.

She remembered when Emma had asked her about he significance of the said cup. That had been around the time when they were only getting to know each other and Regina had hesitated. Because when you looked around it seemed like she owned a lot of things and it was true she did, but that cup was the most important item for her.

It was a huge, slightly stained canary yellow cup. It made Regina roll her eyes because knowing what she knew now, no wonder Emma had gravitated towards the cup like a moth to a flame. It had a small black stain near the handle and there were hand painted letters on the bottom.

It had been her fathers cup. When she was a child, they always had breakfast together. Her mother flew god knows where, but her father was always there to have breakfast with his daughter. And Regina remembered admiring the cup when she was a child because it seemed so huge, like it was something a fairytale character would drink from.

And to her mind, her father had been a fairytale character. Because only a hero could protect her from her mothers coldness and live side by side with a monster like her. But she ended up losing him too soon and her mother got rid of most of his things. But what small Regina had saved from her fathers things in the middle of the night was this cup, because it reminded her of the hero he had been and it essentially had been a gateway for her to become one.

Seeing someone else drink from it came with a surge of terror because what if this someone was going to break it by accident? Very few people knew the importance this cup held and therefore they were unable to care for it properly.

Right now it was safe and it looked like Emma had put in some real effort to clean it for her but Regina was going to be doing that tomorrow morning again. Just in case.

She sat down on her spot and looked over to see one of her favourite things cooking. Emma was amazing in the kitchen, there were no doubts about it but what Regina loved more than anything, was when the blonde made her coconut-honey-chicken.

One day they had been wondering what to cook for dinner and Regina had politely asked - not begged, because she didn’t beg - Emma to make some chicken. They had ended up experimenting with different flavours and a weird mixture became Regina’s ultimate favourite.

And that was what Emma served her tonight. After a fight. And a uncomfortable situation.

Emma placed a plate of food in front of the brunette, not daring to look at her. But she could feel the brown eyes drill to the side of her head, silently expecting Emma to meet them, she barely lifted her head.

The chocolate eyes were just as beautiful as they had always been. There was certain dimness in them but Emma was sure it had something to do with what happened today. None the less, she was captivated by them and that prompted her to speak.

“For you.”

* * *

They lived in an awkward silence for the most of the day, only communicating with simple words and looks. When they had finished dinner, Emma had asked about Netflix to which Regina had simply nodded. But when they made it to next to their couch, Regina scrunched up her nose and looked at Emma sharply.

Emma knew what that was about and she said quietly. “Heavy duty.”

That seemed to satisfy Regina as the brunette got comfortable and handed Emma the remote so the blonde could choose what they were watching. Emma didn’t even pay attention to what she chose but at least it seemed to be something fun as the episodes were pre laughed.

At some point, Regina got up to go to the kitchen and she returned with two cans of soda. She extended one for Emma who took it gratefully. They both hesitated for a moment but ended up gently tapping their cans together without looking at each other just like they always did.

It wasn’t uncomfortable but there were definitely things hanging above them that they needed to discuss. Emma knew she had been the one who didn’t say a single thing this morning so she felt like it had to be her to open the communication so she put the can of Coke down and turned to face Regina.

“We need to talk.”

“I imagine we do.” Regina didn’t miss a beat as she too turned to look at Emma.

She had been disappointed that things hadn’t been discussed already but it was better late than never. Watching Emma gather her thoughts was making her anxious but she wanted to hear what truly was going on.

“I made a mistake.” Emma began, locking eyes with Regina again. “Actually, I made many.”

It was so very Emma to be cryptic like this and the only thing Regina wanted to do was to shake her and demand some goddamn answers, but she had learned not to interrupt and just wait. Because good things came to those who waited.

“I’m sorry.” Emma said and quieted then, waiting for Regina to say something.

Her sad puppy dog face was irresistible to Regina and she wanted to groan. But she wasn’t going to let Emma out of this so easily because there was an actual issue here that had nearly ended their friendship as they knew it.

“What are you sorry for?” Regina hoped they were on a same page here.

“For all of it.” that smart ass. “For acting the way I have been for the past week, for the entirety of yesterday and for this morning.” Emma groaned at the memory because she had no idea how she had been so out of control. “For not realising Jane was using your dad’s cup.”

Regina was happy Emma was taking this seriously, but she knew she had something to apologise for as well.

“I’m sorry too, I haven’t been myself either.”

“Why is that?” Emma asked, knowing full well why she had been weird but she wanted to hear what had been on Regina’s mind. She knew it all had something to do with what happened between them but she was unsure what way the brunette had leaned.

Regina looked from Emma to her own hands she had on her lap. She had been waiting to hear what Emma had to say but instead she herself had to answer the deepest question ever. The want to tell Emma was still there, even though it was severely bruised after what had happened yesterday.

It was so hard to be brave but this bullshit was going to end now.

“I didn’t know how I felt about you.” honesty was even harder than being brave but as long as she didn’t look at Emma, she might just make it through this. “Kissing you complicated but also cleared up some things and it was hard for me to make peace with it. So, I tried to just keep things as they were, so I wouldn’t accidentally ruin everything in the process.”

She had opened her heart a little bit but not directly. It was up for interpretation about what she was really saying but she was going to let Emma speak. Daring to look at the blonde, she was met with wobbling lower lip and glassy eyes. When the other woman spoke though, there was no sign of tears.

“I felt the same way. I know what I want, and that has all to do with you. I just didn’t know what you wanted and then it was all swept under the rug and everything changed and then-“ Emma was working herself up and now the tears were leaking from her eyes.

Emma didn’t think she would be getting so emotional and worked up while talking about this but it had been a tiring week and she was so happy they were talking and trying to fix things.

Regina was stunned because she was usually the one who cried. She hadn’t seen Emma cry before and the only thing she wanted to do right now was to hold the blonde.

Which is what she did.

Wrapping her arms around the shaking body next to her felt like the most natural thing on this earth. Their bodies moulded together, there was warmth and it felt secure. Regina was gently petting Emma’s hair, trying her hardest not to get intoxicated by Emma’s essence but it was too late.

As soon as Regina wrapped her arms around Emma, the blonde all but melted into her frame, feeling such relief because she had missed this. Nothing had ever made her starving for human touch as much as living a week without hugging or holding hands with Regina. No matter what she had done last night, she had felt just as empty this morning as she had for the past week.

“What do you want?” Regina whispered, because even when things were looking up, she was still unsure what was going to happen.

“You, Regina. I just want you.”


	18. Chapter 18

“You want me?” Regina couldn’t quite believe it. She hadn’t realised just how much she wanted Emma to want her back, because it had all seemed like such a far away thing. Feeling things in general was kind of a surreal thing, sometimes even unreal.

Having these feelings for Emma was like that. It was like a faraway dream and hearing Emma respond to that even on some small level was unbelievable.

“Yes. In any way you want to give yourself to me.” Emma whispered and lifted her teary eyes to meet the brown ones.

Falling for Regina had been something that happened so subtly and without her knowing and when it all crashed into focus for her, it was hard for her to get around. In retrospect she had not wanted to fall for the brunette but right now, the beautiful creature in front of her was the only thing she wanted.

Regina thought about Emma’s words carefully. She had the biggest urge to dive in head first and just give Emma everything she had to offer. But she also knew she had her limits when it came to being open and loving with another person.

The only relationship she had ever been in was her failed marriage, and that was not a great example. But that was the only thing she knew and she didn’t want Emma to date her without knowing some of the facts.

“Emma, I-“ it was hard for her to even know where to begin. “You know me very well, but I don’t want you to get into something with me without knowing a few things.”

Emma tilted her head and reached to hold one of Regina’s hands. Of course there were things to learn but she doubted there was anything the other woman could say that would make her want to bail on her.

The silence between them was encouraging in some weird sense, so Regina took a deep breath before she opened her mouth again.

“You know I was married before, but I have never really properly told you what happened and how it was for me.” she let out a watery laugh. “I guess it’s kind of clear that I was unhappy, very unhappy. I got married young, and my husband was wealthy which meant I had no reason to look for a job, which meant studying just seemed useless. He was only few years older than me but it felt like decades, that's how far out we were from each other. So not only did I marry someone I had no connection with, but someone I didn’t have any feelings for took a massive toll on me when we first got married which didn’t help me to be ambitious.”

She had to pause to collect her thoughts and breathe a little, but Emma drawing gentle circles on her hand with her thumb was calming her greatly. She could tell Emma anything and everything, because there would be no judgement.

“My mother was the one who had her greedy little hands in organising everything about my marriage. I was only 19 when she sold me like a…” she needed to swallow back tears. “Either way, she died only couple of years later but it was too late to take any of it back. I was married and dependant on my husband because I had been unable to work for a future I wanted.”

Regina considered herself to be rather lucky in her unluckiness. She knew there were people who had gone though something that was million times worse, some people even died because of it. Either on their own hand or of someone else’s.

“I was never abused by my husband, not physically at least. He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him, so there was a lot of indifference. We did put up a good front for his friends though, because he had his circle to entertain.”

Emma was listening carefully because that was something she had wondered about before. Regina could get so defensive and her anxieties around certain situations were bad, so it had crossed Emma’s mind more than once. If this former husband had ever laid a hand on Regina, Emma would have hunted him down and done some real damage, no matter how high and mighty he was.

“I learned things, because there were a lot of business aspects to our relationship. I got smart on certain things and I found ways to get what I wanted, but I lacked so much. I hate how I was in that relationship. I had all the means and possibilities to go study, but I lacked ambition, I lacked the want to better myself.” something dark ran across Regina’s face. “I knew I was unhappy but I didn’t do anything to change it.”

Emma opened her mouth for the first time. “What made you ask for divorce?”

Regina had a far away look on her face as her eyes were focused on somewhere behind Emma.

“We had been married for almost ten years and one topic had never come up. I guess it had been the mutual understanding of our lack of feelings for each other, but I assume someone had asked him about it one time too many.” when Emma looked at her, clearly confused, Regina elaborated.

“He wanted to have a child, Emma.”

The green eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

“After ten years and with the knowledge that you do not love him, he asked would you have a child with him?” it was insane but a lot of aspects about this were.

“He didn’t ask. He just told me he wanted one.” Regina looked down.

Emma was getting seriously worried and she almost didn’t want to ask.

“What happened?” and when Regina didn’t reply. “Regina. What happened?”

It dawned on Regina what Emma was thinking and she used both of her hands to squeeze the one that was holding onto hers.

“No, Emma, he didn’t do anything to me! I promise you that!” Regina knew she had been weaker than she would ever admit to being, but there was no way her former husband would have ever gotten away with forcing her into something she didn’t want.

“Do you really? Because I’m halfway into kicking his balls so far up his ass they will choke him.” Emma wanted to believe Regina but the way Regina had talked about her ex-husband gave the expression that the man was not someone to take no for an answer.

“I would have killed him myself if he ever tried to do that.” Regina promised. “I filed for the divorce the next day and he was not happy because he never saw it coming when my lawyer eventually presented him with the papers.”

Regina had not intended in going so into detail but if Emma wanted her, then she was going to be getting every little detail about her.

“We signed a prenup before we were married but I still walked away with a nice sum of money, and I put most of it away to pay for my education, because I plan on applying for school next year. I knew I needed a job but like you know, that came with certain challenges. Then someone I know told me about this apartment. And then I met you.”

Regina couldn’t help but smile because that had been the actual turn in her life. Not filing for a divorce, not finding an apartment, not even her job. But Emma.

Emma was so captivated by the smile spreading on Regina’s face that she didn’t notice that she was slowly smiling wider and wider too. She was happy she knew more now, although she felt bad that Regina had felt the urge to lay it all in front of her to inspect if she still wanted to stay.

“You know that none of the things you told me affect how I feel, right?” she said, smiling still widely.

“But I wanted you to know. Emma, I have never had a real relationship, I have never had feelings like this towards another person.” Regina wanted to hammer it into Emma’s head because it might not be easy. “You are going to be my first everything.”

That made Emma beam like a sun and she wiggled just a tiny bit closer to the brunette, knowing full well that they were as close together as possible without Emma climbing on Regina’s lap.

“I kinda like the sound of that.” she couldn’t stop smiling because that was just so incredibly sweet and innocent, and she couldn’t wait. She wasn’t even worried she would disappoint because right now, she was just happy.

There was so much happiness on Emma’s face that Regina felt bad about having to say something that was going to wash it all away, at least for the time being.

“There is something else I do want to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

“What happened last night, with… her.”

Emma had lowkey hoped that it would not come up but she knew they had to talk about it. There was so much to clear up and she knew it was her turn to expose herself.

“What do you want to know?”

In a way, Regina didn’t want to know one single thing. She had seen and heard plenty, so there wasn’t much to be told on that front. But what she did want to know…

“Why did you sleep with her?”

Emma sighed and released one hand to brush through her golden hair. That was the question wasn’t it and she knew the answer. She just wanted to present it in a nice manner, in a way that wasn’t going to be hurting Regina’s feelings.

“I slept with her because I was distraught.” Emma knew that it sounded a little extra but there was nothing extra about it when it was genuinely how she felt. “Things happened between us and then I didn’t understand the signs which caused my little heart to crack. I tried my best to act normal but I couldn’t. I cared and wanted you so much, but I was too scared to talk to you.”

And right now she was too scared to meet Regina’s eyes.

“I went out with my coworkers because I wanted to get drunk and forget about how I felt. And apparently Jane had been pining for me for much longer than I realised. She came onto me and I didn’t push her away. I slept with her in hopes of maybe liking you a little less when I was done.”

Regina looked at their hands who were still wrapped together, their fingers interlocked together. Emma’s words hurt, not because they were cruel but because it revealed just how close they had been for ruining it all together.

Separately they had both tried their best not to feel anything for one another, but as they struggled not to they severed their bond just slightly every day. Emma had reached her limit before and that had been the result.

Even when seeing Emma be with someone else had shattered her heart, Regina couldn’t really be angry at the blonde. She had dealt with the situation in the best way she knew how and in her drunken brain, this had been something that resembled a good idea. Besides, it wasn’t like they had been together, so it could not be called cheating.

What Regina did want to know now, was where they stood.

“You said you wanted me, but are you willing to let me want you the same way?”

“Yes.” Emma didn’t hesitate because she was, probably for the first time ever.

Regina beamed at Emma, before blushing slightly and glancing down. She wanted to kiss Emma. Not to make out like two drunk, horny teenagers but gently. Just kiss her. Let their lips touch and let her hand travel into the silky hair as she pulled Emma closer. Yes, she wanted that.

“Emma?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me, please.”

It came out more breathless than Regina had intended but she didn’t care as she could see Emma lean gently closer. Her heart was beating out of her chest as their lips touched. It was brief and still before Emma pulled away enough to lock eyes with the impressive brown ones in front of her.

And she kissed Regina again. This time both of Regina’s hands made their way into the golden locks as she pulled the other woman towards her body, begging for the kiss to just keep going. Emma had no problems with that as she wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist, feeling their bodies lush together.

Just like last time, Emma could feel her entire body warm up because this is where she needed to be. Regina felt so _right_ against her, her weight grounding her and with each breath that Regina released against her mouth, it felt like she was singlehandedly breathing new life into her soul.

It was getting out of control, because the haze Emma so effortlessly created was very much present and it was once again fogging Regina’s senses. There was nothing in her world except Emma and feeling her body against her own. With every breath, Emma’s chest rubbed against her own and she was only a woman, how could she resist that?

“Emma?” she panted against the pale lips.

Emma made a sound of acknowledgement but she dived to kiss Regina only a second later, effectively shutting Regina’s brain until they separated slightly again.

“I think we need to stop.” she panted, not at all liking what she had to say but she knew this was moving way too fast for them.

Emma didn’t require an explanation because she understood and felt the same way. Instead she pressed her lips briefly onto Regina’s forehead before she pressed her own forehead to rest there.

They both closed their eyes and felt their bodies calm down.

“I do agree. We’ve got time.”


	19. Chapter 19

“Emma Swan, I swear to god, if you don’t start picking up your shoes, I will take one and shove it so far up in your-“ Regina stomped into the living room, waving one of Emma’s Converse that she had nearly tripped on on her way in after a long day of work.

What she was met with was the blonde hair cascading down the side of the couch where Emma laid, with her phone in her hands, playing one of her games without a care in the world.

“Oh, honey, you are home.” she said sarcastically, not even lifting her eyes from her phone to greet her girlfriend.

Yes, they were girlfriends now.

Regina could feel her face heat up and she was pretty sure there was smoke coming out of her ears. If there was one thing she hated about Emma, was her inability to put her things away. Kitchen was her kingdom and that she kept clean, but by god, the bathroom, the entrance… Everything was just on the floor and Regina had to tell her about it daily.

Furrowing her brow, she had to talk herself down so she wouldn’t throw the shoe right at the back of Emma’s head. She actually swung it once but didn’t let go, instead she threw it behind her as she made her way to stand next to the couch to peer down at Emma.

Emma couldn’t hear the brunette move as she had taken off her heels at the door, but there was a sudden shadow over her. She swallowed because if there was something that Regina was good at, it was being intimidating. There was this _power_ about her, the way she harnessed her regalness and managed to be bitchy without being a bitch. It was very hot and it often led to Emma tackling the brunette, rather than learning something.

She wasn’t sure had Regina understood that or not, but none the less, here she was again, looking down at her, clearly debating how to murder her. Emma put her phone down and looked up, smiling brightly.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

Regina hated when Emma did that, because the blonde knew she would be getting away with everything with her sweet smile and calling her one of the many pet names she had started using since they had gotten together. It was so hard to resist the cocky, confident being that was her girlfriend.

Regina _loved_ using that word. She had never had a girlfriend, she had never really had many feelings towards women but she knew that was something her mother had ruined for her in her early teens. But feeling this was about Emma was liberating, and she used the words whenever she could, up to the point that Kristin had told her to shut up today because the only thing she had been able to talk about was Emma.

“You are so annoying, you know that, right?” she huffed as she manoeuvred herself onto the floor as she sat next to Emma’s head and stroked her brow with her thumb. Emma smiled wider and closer her eyes, and if she had the ability to purr, well, she would have.

“I know, but you cannot resist me.” Emma smiled before puckering up her lips ridiculously, another thing she had started doing. It always made Regina roll her eyes out of principle but as soon as she had done that, she leaned in to seal their lips for a kiss.

* * *

Emma wanted to get her lighter and light everything on fire right this second. She didn’t like this nor did she have the patience for this kind of _bullshit_. Getting up from the floor, she was already halfway into her room to fetch the said lighter, when there was a cry of triumph.

“Emma, I got it!”

The blonde swirled around so harshly that the poor old hairband that was keeping her hair off her face, sprang loose and released the blonde hair. Emma didn’t seem to care though as she printed towards the brunette sitting on the floor. She slid on her knees across the little distance and parked herself next to Regina.

She looked from Regina’s right hand to her left, before she did the biggest fist pump ever and let out a loud laugh. The brunette looked at her like she was actually going crazy but before she knew it, the thin lips were pressed against her own in a hungry kiss.

But as soon as it started, it was over and Emma looked down at the scattered parts of a new couch, million different screws and bolts as well as the instruction manual that had mocked her entire existence.

“Fuck you, Ikea, we won.”

* * *

“Umm, Emma?” Regina came into the room, holding a stack of mail. They were enjoying a day off together and they had decided to stay in with their pyjamas on. Regina was sporting a black flannel set and Emma couldn’t believe the woman could make a pair of flannel pyjamas look absolutely runway worthy. She herself had barely put on pants as she rocked the fluffiest of socks and the biggest t-shirt money could buy.

“Yes, my dearest?”

“Who is Adelaide Finns and why did she send us something?” Regina sat next to Emma on the couch and the blonde didn’t waste any time wrapping the brunette into one of their blankets. Regina pressed a sweet kiss of thank you on Emma’s cheek before handing her an envelope that had both their names on it.

Emma tore into the envelope and was left with a car as well as the letter. She handed the card to Regina as she undid the letter. Both women read as quickly as possible before Emma started laughing. Regina always enjoyed Emma’s laugh but she was just plain confused.

“She is inviting us to her wedding? Who is she?” Regina asked as she turned to look at the very tasteful invitation that was proclaiming a wedding of Adelaide Finn and Matthew Turner.

“Adelaide is one of my very few friends. She lives in another state where I used to live a couple of years ago. We became friends through work and when I left, she made me promise to keep in touch. Which we did, to my huge surprise.” Emma thought of her friend fondly. “Of course I told her that I was moving in with you and she kinda knows what happened.” Emma wasn’t one to tell anyone about her life with the exception of Adelaide.

Regina was smiling because she loved the fact that Emma had friends. They were both pretty private and not that social, but they each had few of those people that they considered close to them. And the brunette was happy to learn about Adelaide because it meant someone had stuck around for her Emma.

“Why did you laugh though?” Regina reached for the letter which Emma handed over.

“She told me, that she is expecting me to come and bring ‘the missus’ which I assume means you since she addressed us both on the envelope.” Emma smiled, because she really liked the sound of that. Plus it was about time to introduce Regina to Adelaide.

“She wrote that she hopes you are the one to catch the bouquet.” Regina lifted her eyes to Emma’s, not daring to say anything else or voice any of her thoughts.

And Emma didn’t say anything either, but instead she pressed a gentle kiss on both of Regina’s cheek before attaching their lips together again.

* * *

Regina had been preparing for this day for weeks now and it was finally time. She had even taken a day off from work to prepare which had been hard to keep under wraps as her girlfriend was just about as observant as a detective.

It was Emma’s birthday.

They had agreed to take their relationship very slowly and the original plan was to still sleep in different rooms, but after the first time they fell asleep on the couch together, Emma had subtly moved her pillow and some of her books into Regina’s room. And ever since then, they had slept in Regina’s room.

And this morning Regina had woken Emma up with series of kisses all over her face and neck. As the blonde was a deep sleeper, she had even gone as far as biting down on her shoulder, working a small mark on the pale skin.

That had woken the blonde up and she had topped Regina in seconds. They had kissed for long moments, both getting desperate of being so close to each other but still not going further.

One other thing they had agreed to wait for, was having sex. Emma had volunteered to go get tested after her dalliance with Jane because she knew just how much it had affected Regina in other ways as well. Regina had been grateful but they had still agreed to wait, which they both agreed that very morning was insanely ridiculous.

Thinking back to that, Regina had surged out of the door as soon as she had calculated Emma would be in a metro, on her way to work and in that way, none the wiser that the brunette was staying home.

Regina had gone through a lot of different options as what to serve a woman who loved food and was an extraordinary cook herself. At first Regina thought she might cook but she wanted them to actually get fed and if she was cooking, there was no guarantee that was going to happen.

So instead she had asked Kristin did she know any next level cooks that would be down for making them some dinner in a rather reasonable price. Kristin had been on her phone instantly and one call and a laugh later, she had found them someone.

They would be eating well, but Regina wanted to make sure Emma was going to be enjoying desert.

When the blonde arrived home that day, she was excited. Her girlfriend had implied that there would be a some kind of birthday surprise waiting for her when she arrived home and she thought back on their morning make out session. She didn’t know had they somehow agreed on something but that was the only thing she could think about.

When she opened the door, the most amazing smell invited her senses and she hanged her things as quickly as possible, making extra effort to put her shoes away before sliding into the kitchen.

What greeted her was not what she expected but it left her breathless. Their kitchen island was set up for the most amazing dinner, everything looked gorgeous and Emma was sure she was going to devour everything.

But what she was 100% sure she would be devouring tonight as well, was Regina. The brunette had done her hair to absolute perfection, and Emma couldn’t wait to twirl some of it around her finger. Regina had chosen the reddest of her lipstick and Emma just wanted to kiss all of it off.

And that dress, just wow. It was black, it was tight which highlighted absolutely everything about Regina’s body. And since Emma’s hands had been all over it before, she knew just how amazing it was. Maybe she would be able to see under the clothes soon.

But what stunned Emma and made her blush lightly was hearing Regina sing her happy birthday. The woman was gorgeous so of course she was able to sing as well. It was beautiful and even when Emma felt slightly awkward with all the attention on her, she wished it would never stop.

While singing, Regina rounded the kitchen island to come and wrap her arms around Emma’s neck. She started to sway a bit as she sang, and Emma laid her own hands on the firm waist. They swayed til Regina stopped singing, having dragged a simple birthday song on for much longer just so they could enjoy this moment together. She kissed Emma gently.

“Happy birthday, darling.”

Emma could feel something burn behind her eyes, and she tried her hardest not to start crying. This was all so special and she didn’t know how to express her gratitude. But Regina knew, even when she didn’t say a word. Because she smiled and took Emma’s hand to lead her to her spot on the island.

The food was warm and delicious and they spend the entire meal chatting about their day, Regina revealing that she had been preparing for this the entire day. Emma was surprised she had not been able to tell that the brunette was going to be staying home and Regina let out almost villainous laugh at that.

When the meal was finished, Regina told the blonde to get comfortable as she was going to be cleaning after them. Emma protested many times but when Regina lifted her heeled leg to actually kick her, the blonde scrambled off to the couch.

Regina was fast and efficient, and soon she sat down on the couch with two glasses of wine they hadn’t yet finished. Emma loved the wines the brunette chose, because what ever she chose to serve complimented their food so nicely.

“I do have one more present for you.” Regina said as she sipped her wine. She was getting a bit nervous because she had never done anything like this but there was no turning back.

Emma looked Regina up and down, wondering what could it possibly be. What could this woman give her when she had already given her everything she ever wanted?

“What is it?”

“I think you might have to unwrap me to find out.”

Emma nearly chocked on her wine as she turned to look at Regina. There was a gentle blush on the high cheeks, but the brown eyes weren’t turning away from Emma. The blonde knew there was a sense of nervousness in Regina, but she wanted to make sure there was nothing for her to be nervous about.

Setting her wine glass onto the table, Emma gently took Regina’s hand and pressed a kiss to it. What her ears caught was a shaky breath that Regina took in and Emma could feel her body shake slightly. She continued with her kisses, giving few extra ones to Regina’s wrist before making her way upwards.

When she reached Regina’s shoulder, the brunette exposed the side of her neck so quickly that it was actually endearing. Emma smiled against the skin before licking a line up from her shoulder til the small space behind Regina’s ear.

Regina felt her insides warm as she tried to keep herself under control. They had done this a lot, but knowing that tonight it might actually go further was making her feel it everywhere. The pit of her stomach was vibrating, she could feel her legs go weak and she was holding her breath. She just wanted Emma.

The pink lips left Regina’s neck in hopes to kiss the red lips, but just before Emma managed to do that, Regina pressed her finger on her lips. Emma was about to protest but Regina spoke first.

“Not yet.”

Then she got up and extended her hand to Emma who eagerly took a hold of it and Regina led them into _their_ room. Because it indeed stopped being her room the second Emma started sleeping there. Her nightlight was attached to the side of the bed, the two first books she had brought over had become something between ten and twenty. There were new pictures on the wall and Emma had almost persuaded Regina to let her nail the Ikea instructions on there, because that had definitely been a memorable day.

But now, the room was lit only with the fairy lights Emma had brought with her, giving everything a gentle glow. Regina led Emma into the middle of the room, before taking her hands. They looked into each others eyes, before Regina stepped back.

She walked towards the bed and soon gentle beats of a song filled the room. It was loud enough for them to hear it but not too loud for it to overpower the mood. Regina swayed a little as she walked back.

Emma was getting nervous. She had always said she would not be dancing with other people, but here Regina was, looking divine as ever, clearly wanting to dance with her.

But the great thing about being in a relationship with someone who knew you well, was that they remembered things that you had mentioned ages ago.

“I’m not asking you to show me your moves, Emma, I just want to sway with you.” Regina smirked at the panicked face the blonde was making. And just like that there was only peace spread on Emma’s face.

The blonde reached out for the brunette and pulled her flush against her body. Regina took a little step to the side, effectively being the one to move them, giving Emma a little bit more confidence.

And soon why were gently swaying around the room, a bit less gracefully as one normally might and they were stifling laughter onto each others shoulders.

When the music eventually quieted down, Regina hugged Emma close. She felt so complete and free when she was with Emma like this. There was nothing as secure and beautiful as being held by this woman.

“Can I have you?” Regina whispered.

Emma nodded and took a step back. She had felt confident before but this was someone she felt really strongly for so she wanted it all to go perfectly. Lifting her hands she was going for the side zipper of Regina’s dress, but the brunette stopped her.

“Let me.”

Regina put her palms on Emma’s shoulder to push off her blazer and it hit the floor with a thud. She made quick work with the tie the blonde always wore to work, before she quickly opened each tiny button on her white shirt.

For a second there the world stopped before Regina parted the shirt and was met with white lace. She would have begged Emma for someone with darker colour palette but it looked perfect against the pale skin. With every bit of her willpower, Regina turned her gaze from Emma’s breasts and continued to undress to woman.

In no time at all, the blonde was standing in front of her in nothing but a matching set of white lace. Regina couldn’t do much else but stare, because Emma was just gorgeous.

Emma was looking at Regina blush as she looked her up and down. For someone so regal and commanding, Regina had this very innocent and pure side to her, and that was being displayed tonight. It was for the lack of a better word, _cute_.

Taking a cautious step closer, Emma locked eyes with the other woman, asking for her permission to be undressed. Regina nodded and shivered when she felt Emma’s hands by her side, working down her zipper. When the dress lost the power of the zipper, it fell down quite easily revealing what Regina had underneath.

Now it was Emma’s turn to stare as Regina wasn’t wearing anything else other than a black thong. Emma’s mouth went suddenly dry as every single bit of wetness pooled in her lace panties.She had imagined what Regina looked like under all the smart clothes, but this was beyond what she could ever have hoped for.

It was almost too good to be true.

“Are you even real?” Emma didn’t know she voiced any of her thoughts, but when Regina laughed, she realised that she must have.

“I should be asking you that.” Regina had felt a bit exposed, having foregone the very expensive lingerie set she had bought today because she thought Emma would appreciate the surprise.

“Regina, you are-“ Emma felt stupid because there were no words for how stunning Regina looked right now. She could stand there forever, til the day she died, just looking at this breathtaking creature that had turned her world upside down.

“I’m what?” Regina asked, blushing again and tilting her head gently.

“You are mine.” Emma whispered, before stepping closer again.

Her lips found the sensitive spot under Regina’s ear and she bit down. Hard. Regina wrapped her arms around the bare waist and pulled their bodies flush together, moaning incoherently. She had no reasons to hold back anymore so with every nib, she hummed and moaned freely.

That was spurring Emma on immensely as she cupped Regina’s ass with her hands. She had done that once when they were making out drunk, and ever since she had avoided it with everything she got. Because it just made her want to throw Regina on the bed and take her. So tonight she squeezed and even dared a small slap in celebration.

Regina was feeling lightheaded because with every passing moment, with each nib of her neck, with each slap of her ass, she was getting wetter. She was unsure why she had worn this useless piece of clothing in the first place because she was sure her wetness was flowing down her thighs.

Her legs were getting weak and when Emma bit down on her neck harshly, she nearly made them tumble down. Thankfully Emma was someone with fast reflexes as she caught the other woman and pulled her back to her.

“Bed, then?” she smirked, delighted how affected Regina was. And she was getting insanely proud about the massive love bite she had left on her girlfriends neck. _Hers_.

Regina knew Emma thought she was on top but she had plans and she wasn’t going to let Emma’s insanely talented mouth steer her away from them.

When Emma took a step to push her in first, she expertly flipped them so it was Emma who ended bouncing on her back on the bed. Confusion crossed her face before she rolled her eyes at the smug look Regina was sporting.

“You really think you are the top?” Emma asked, amused because if she had not been mistaken, it was Regina who had almost fallen over just now.

“Tonight I am.” Regina purred as she wiggled out of the thong she was wearing. She was unsure could Emma see the sheer amount of wetness that she had produced but she was going to be finding that out soon enough.

Walking towards the nightstand, Regina took her sweet time re-applying her red lipstick. Emma was getting impatient, her insides throbbing and getting almost painful. But when Regina turned to her, she almost came then and there.

Regina’s eyes were almost black as she got into the bed all fours and made her way to Emma. She almost slid up her body, leaving just an inch of space between her and Emma, which made the blonde shake. Being able to feel the warmth of Regina’s skin was making it hard for her to keep it in check.

They were finally face to face, and Emma was eager to kiss Regina. She needed to do that right now. Pushing herself up, she tried to catch the lips above her but Regina pulled away with a sinister smile, never breaking the eye contact with Emma.

Emma opened her mouth to complain, but that was when Regina sat up and Emma could feel everything. Regina was _soaked_. She had chose to sit down so their pussies could touch. Sure, Emma’s was still covered with some lace but it had been wet through and through for ages now.

Regina gave her hips a little twirl and Emma let out a deep moan. It was so arousing.

The brunette could see the blonde nearly squirm under her and she was happy that what she was doing was working the way she hoped.

“Sit up.”

Emma didn’t have to be told twice as she surged up, their noses almost touching. Emma almost went for another attempt for a kiss but it seemed like Regina had a plan and god, so far it was earth shattering. So, Emma wasn’t going to interrupt her.

With very little fumbling Regina undid Emma’s bra and pushed the blonde back down again. She laid down against the warm body under her and pressed a kiss to Emma’s cheek. Emma almost cursed herself because even that was making her gush.

Regina worked her way downwards, using her tongue to draw a path from Emma’s lips to the nipples that were now free and getting hard. She had almost stopped to stare when she had undressed the blonde, but now there was no time for that.

Closing her mouth around the nipple, Regina sucked. Emma arched off the bed, her hands tangling into the dark hair, trying not keep quiet. But when Emma bit down, she actually let out a scream. There weren’t a lot of people who could say they had made Emma Swan scream. And Regina was the fastest one.

“Oh, fuck, Regina.” Emma panted when the brunette released her and she fell back on the bed. She could almost cry because she needed her release so badly but it didn’t seem like Regina was going to be giving it to her.

The brunette didn’t say a thing before she moved to the other nipple and repeated what she had just done. Emma was nearly sobbing as her pussy was throbbing, getting wetter and wetter each second. And each time she arched of the bed, they rubbed together.

Regina was looking down at the panting woman, feeling victorious. Her little game seemed to have been working since around each nipple there were marks of red lipstick and the blonde looked damn near sinful. She looked like she had been fucked hard and good but they had barely even started.

“How was that?” Regina wanted to make sure she was doing alright, even when Emma’s reaction had been more than a little delightful. Emma couldn’t do much else than to nod and lift up her thumb, and Regina smiled. She would take that.

She wasn’t uninfected by all of this either. With every scream and every arch, she could feel herself getting wetter and wetter. At this point she was unsure what wetness was whose, but she was happy that Emma was reacting so… visibly.

Lifting herself up, Regina moaned a little because she could almost see the line of wetness that connected her to Emma. The black lace underwear or what was left of it, were covered and Regina couldn’t wait to take them off.

Which she did only seconds later.

Emma was having an out of body experience as Regina was ridding her of her underwear. Everything was warm and sticky and she was unsure was she even alive at this point. She was also pretty sure she had had a little orgasm already.

That was until she could feel a pressure against her clit. That alone nearly send her soaring as she slammed her eyes shut and held her breath. Whatever it was started moving around, creating more and more pleasure as it went.

Emma preferred her sexual experiences like this, focused on anything and everything else, except for penetration. And that was something Regina already knew since they had had this conversation before.

Suddenly there was pain. Most amazing feeling, earth shaking pain. And that also revealed what was against Emma’s clit.

Regina had not been able to resist tasting Emma, and having her tongue move around the tight bundle of nerves was probably her new favourite thing. Emma was reactive and vocal with her pleasure which made Regina more and more eager.

Biting down had been something she was unsure of but if the newfound pooling wetness was anything to go by, it had been well received.

“Regina, oh my god.” Emma was crying now, because it was just so _good_. She was pretty sure she had reached a sex induced high somehow because her senses were on overdrive. Every single tiny touch, every breath Regina let out was damn near making her come.

Regina sucked Emma’s clit into her mouth and Emma screamed. She pushed her legs closed, effectively trapping Regina in between them but the brunette never stopped, not for a second. Emma was soaring and then she crashed, her body spend and she was sure there was enough wetness coming out of her to have made it onto the bedsheets.

“Holy fucking hell.” Emma kept whispering over and over again.

Regina emerged to lay next to her, pleased and smug _as fuck_. Her face was covered with Emma, but she was too busy smirking to wipe it away.

Emma turned to look at her, her eyes barely open.

“Can I kiss you now?”

“Please do.”

They kissed gently for a while before Emma bit down on Regina’s bottom lip and rolled on top of her. God, it was a sinful experience to be topping this gorgeous woman.

“I’m going to take you.” Emma whispered against Regina’s neck. “Long and hard. So hard, that you will be screaming my name. Only my name.” Regina moaned when she heard Emma’s word because Emma being dominating like this was the biggest turn on ever.

“Won’t you?” Emma slapped at the side of Regina’s thigh and Regina whimpered before whispering.

“Yes.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Honey, I’m home!” Emma yelled from the door because it was one of her favourite things to do. It was such a cliche but she was all about good old cliches so every time she came home after Regina, she sure as hell wasn’t going to be missing the opportunity to yell this out.

It was getting pretty cold outside as they were nearing Christmas. They had talked about spending it together and what kind of traditions they had. They quickly realised they really had none so this first year was about them creating some together.

When Emma walked into the room, she stopped on her tracks.

Regina was laying on their couch, covered by one of their warmest blankets. She was dead asleep and next to her on the couch was.

“Panini!”

The cat lifted his little head to look at Emma’s direction, but then laid back down and cuddled closer to Regina. In her sleep, the brunette laid her palm on the cats back and Emma could hear him purring all the way to the doorway.

This was unbelievable. Regina had known about the cat for a good while now, probably longer than she had told Emma, if the way they cuddled during food time was anything to go by. They had talked about the cat before because it was indeed nearing winter and it was getting cold. Regina had repeatedly told Emma that they weren’t allowed any pets, that there was no way around what was in their rental agreement.

Emma had put out photos of the cat, trying to find him a phone but she had told Regina she was going to screen every single person, because he would only go into an extraordinary family. Several people had contacted her, especially since it was around the holidays but each and every one had turned out to be less than ideal.

Emma had thought about smuggling the cat in and letting him live in her room that was now used for storage, and since it had been super cold outside today she had gotten ready to re-introduce the idea to Regina.

It seemed like she didn’t have to.

She walked into the living room. Regina looked so serene when she was asleep like this and Emma felt super bad about waking her up. Another one of Kristin’s employees had left so Regina was working a lot more now. Finding her sleeping on the couch was nothing new but the cat she was holding onto was definitely a new addition.

“Regina?” Emma whispered as she kissed her forehead.

The full lashes fluttered, as Regina was slowly regaining consciousness. Eventually the huge pools of brown zeroed on Emma. She yawned and to Emma, it reminded those little baby dinosaurs who were attempting to roar but ended up being super cute instead.

“Hey, there.” Emma smiled warmly as she kissed Regina’s forehead again.

“Hello.” Regina smiled. Emma gently coaching her awake was one of the best feelings in the world.

“Who have you got there?” Emma wasn’t going to elaborate, but she didn’t have to.

“Panini.” Regina said and pulled the cat up next to her face. There was more purring and Emma rolled her eyes. If there was one thing that cat was, it was a cuddler. You could carry him, hug him, cover him in blankets and he was the happiest boy on earth.

“What happened to ‘oh no we cannot bring him inside because the rental agreement says so’?” Emma did a really poor imitation of Regina, but the brunette didn’t mind. She kissed the cats little cheek and looked up at Emma.

“Baby, it’s cold outside.”

* * *

There were so many to choose from and Regina was getting slightly anxious. She had certain criteria, but when they paid bills last week, they realised that they were lower on funds than they thought.

Getting a tree was an important part of any Christmas and this was something she wanted to do together with Emma and their cat. Yes, the cat was theirs to keep and considering the rough life he must have had outside, he was housetrained within a day and living inside seemed to suit him quite well.

“What about this, hon?” Emma asked as she stood next to a tree that was just barely taller than her. Emma had checked the price and it was within the range they had set for their tree hunt, plus she was pretty sure she could make a bargain as they were the only ones shopping for a tree a day before Christmas.

Her work had gotten busy under the holiday season and she was getting more and more challenging jobs as weeks went by. There were a lot of talk about her in other departments and she had already been signed in on some special projects the following years. But that meant barely any time at home with Regina and that affected their Christmas preparation.

They had both begged and begged to have three full days off around Christmas, and because they both had worked extensively, those days were grated for them.

“I do like it.” Regina said as she walked closer. It was a bit tiny but it was lush and it would look adorable by their giant windows.

“Sir!” Emma called for the man, who had been keeping his distance while they walked around the lot. “We’ll take it!”

Emma engaged in a rather loud bargaining process with the seller, while Regina still walked amongst the threes. Snow was falling slowly, making tonight rather magical looking. Regina couldn’t wait to be out of the cold and inside their cozy apartment with Emma, Panini and some hot chocolate.

They had been fortunate enough to find a tree from a lot near their home so they would be attempting to bring the tree home themselves. It was a beautiful evening and as it was the day before Christmas, the city had quieted down a little, everyone scrambling to make it home to celebrate the holidays.

Regina had thought a lot about what to get Emma for Christmas. The blonde never mentioned anything she wanted or desired for, so Regina had done her best to give her something special.

“Regina!” Emma jogged to her before nearly falling. They held onto each other and giggled like school girls as they hugged each other tightly.

“Yes, my love?” Regina smiled.

“He sold me the tree much cheaper because he just wants to go home. And turns out he will be driving our way so he will drop the tree off so we just have to carry it up the stairs.” Emma was really proud about her skills in making deals.

In their current financial situation, that was what they needed. Regina did admit that she had gotten very carried away with living the life like she used to. Sure she had come up with a plan when she had asked for a divorce but it was much harder to tone it down. They weren’t struggling but there were certain things they had needed to give up.

“You are amazing, darling.” Regina pressed a kiss to the cold lips before rubbing their noses together for warmth. “Now, take me home.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Emma saluted and took Regina’s glowed hand and pulled her with.

By the time they had walked home, the tree was already waiting for them by the door. Emma was amazed by the speed of the man and managed to carry it all the way upstairs without any help, too excited to slow down.

Regina scooped up Panini at the door and Emma carried in the tree. The spot they had thought about was perfect and just having the bare tree there made it already feel like Christmas.

Emma didn’t waste any time getting the decorations they had bought so they could put it all on, and Regina sat down next to her on the floor. There was already a bit of Christmas music playing from Emma’s phone, quietly like they preferred their music, but giving the moment the right feeling.

“How do you want the tinsel?” Emma asked, knowing that Regina had at least a bit more experience about this than she did.

“Start from the top and let’s see how far down it comes.” Regina thought as they both stood up. The good thing about the shorter tree was definitely the ease of decorating.

After the tinsel, Emma put on battery operated Christmas lights, they hanged some small ornaments they had picked out together and then they stood next to each other to admire the tree. Emma wrapped her arm around Regina and smiled widely.

“This will be the best Christmas ever.”

“You think so?” Regina asked quietly, quite floored about the beauty of their little tree.

“Yes.” Emma confirmed. “It’s going to be with you.”

When they woke up the following morning, Emma insisted on making them some porridge because she had heard that’s how some people handled Christmas morning food. Regina knew about Emma’s history with celebrating Christmas and she felt the need to remind the blonde in every turn she got just how special she was making this for all of them.

“Can we open the presents?” Regina had thought Emma would be the first one to crack but she couldn’t help but be curious. It was going to be her first real Christmas since she was a child. Every Christmas after that was celebrated without presents and less and less food each year because why would they cook if there was only two of them in the house?

“I knew you were gonna ask first.” Emma laughed but took Regina’s hand none the less and pulled her to sit by their tree.

It was still fairly dark outside as it was rather early and the sun barely peaked properly during the winter months. They had their softest lights on to create the beautiful Christmas atmosphere. Panini wandered to sit with them, seemingly understanding that something was going to happen.

Emma reached under the tree to get a pile of presents. She had stacked them all on top of each other from largest to the smallest, feeling incredibly proud of herself. Regina pushed the rest of the presents to Emma’s side and they started opening them together.

Regina unwrapped the softest blanket she had ever touched, with a small note attached to it saying ‘_for those couch naps_’. She couldn’t help herself as she reached to kiss Emma gently.

“Oh, look Panini, there is one with your name on it!” Emma cheered and opened a small present. Hearing his name the cat pressed closer to Emma, trying to desperately see what was behind the glorious rustling paper. What was revealed was a bag of cat treats that Emma opened instantly and few the cat some.

“Everyone needs presents, baby.” Regina whispered and scratched behind the cats ear.

Emma unwrapped her gifts with such glee that the wrapping paper was flying everywhere. Regina had gotten her the final edition to one of the book series she loved the most. It was a paperback just like the rest, with a handwritten ‘_Merry Christmas darling_’ written on the empty page in the front. There was a new hot water bottle in the shape of a yellow chick, new set of fairy lights and a longer charger for Emma’s phone. She got a pair of fluffy socks for her eternally cold feet and Regina had clearly thought about the same thing as Emma, because there was a blanket just waiting to be cuddled under.

Regina unwrapped a bottle of the more expensive wine they had promised not to buy anymore in hopes of saving a little bit of money. There was a new phone case with Panini’s photo on it, a new journal and rainbow set of markers. What Regina loved more than anything was the framed photo of all three of them that they could add to their growing collection of memories in their bedroom.

They kissed each other gently for a long time, not in a rush to deepen it when there was so much to experience right now. When Emma attempted to get up to clean, Regina took her hand to stop her.

“What? I thought you’d be happy to see me clean the mess I made?” Emma was confused.

“I do, but there is one more gift for you to open.” Regina smiled and placed a flat box on Emma’s lap before picking up Panini who was laying between her legs. “It’s from me and Panini and you should read the card.”

Emma was curious as she tore into the gift. Inside was a white box and she struggled a little bit opening the lid. When she did, tears sprung to her eyes. Inside the box laid a beautiful wooden ornament in the shape of a cat. Beautiful lettering decorated the side, spelling out Panini’s name. When Emma picked it up, she noticed the card Regina had mentioned.

She wanted to glance at Regina but she couldn’t, there was just too many emotions and if she stopped moving, she would cry.

The card had a tasteful little Christmas tree on it and when Emma opened it, she recognised Regina’s beautiful handwriting.

**Merry Christmas, Emma!**

**This gift is from me and Panini. It’s something we can always hang on our Christmas tree and maybe we can start collecting them? New ornament for each year we celebrate together.**

**We will hug you in a minute.**

**Regina and Panini**

Now Emma was actually crying. This gesture was something she never expected, it was so incredibly beautiful and meaningful. She knew they were in this relationship for a long haul but this was something very special.

Regina wrapped her arms around her crying girlfriend, having known this might be having some kind of impact on the young woman. Regina just rubbed her back and let her get it all out, Panini sitting next to them, looking at them.

“Thank you, Regina.” Emma whispered, over and over again, failing to do anything else. Anything she might want to say or do just seemed like they wouldn’t be enough.

“You are welcome, Emma. So very welcome.”

* * *

Hey, what time do you think you’ll be home?

**Sorry, babe, I don’t have any idea. They are holding me longer today because Thomas absolutely needs these papers to be send out before the day is out. What a git.**

He really can’t do it himself?

**He is useless piece of shit, so I doubt.**

You will come home though, yes?

**Heck yes.**

Will you hold me tonight? ❤️

**Of course. Always. ❤️**

* * *

_Application send._

“You did it, Regina!” Emma cheered as she did a little dance around the room. Today had been a monumental day for her girlfriend, and seeing her press that button had been empowering. When she rounded the room, she pressed several kisses on Regina’s cheeks, failing to notice the brunette had not turned her eyes away from the screen.

Only when she didn’t react to Emma holding up Panini for kisses, did the blonde notice something being wrong.

“Regina? Are you alright?” she put the cat down and came closer to the woman, who was still staring a the laptop screen in front of her. She was motionless but she was breathing a bit heavier than she normally did.

Of course, Emma thought and sat next to the brunette. This was a huge step for Regina, something she had been planning of but having been able to do for a whole year. It was going to be overwhelming but Regina looked like she was on a verge of a panic attack.

Emma took Regina’s face gently between her hands and turned her to meet her eyes. The brown eyes did look at her but there was nothing moving there. It seemed like this had been kind of a shock and now it was Emma’s job to break her out of it.

“Regina, listen to me. You are alright. You are doing so well and they are going to love you. With the note Kristin wrote, they just have to accept you. I mean-“ she kissed Regina’s nose. “Who wouldn’t want you?”

Regina was slowly returning to planet Earth and her eyes were filled with tears, threatening to spill over. It was just so much.

She had wanted to go to school for so long now and even sending in an application was somewhat surreal and absolutely terrifying. If she did by some god, got accepted was she actually going to make it? Things had changed in school world since she went and it was very intimidating.

“What if I can’t do it?” Regina hiccuped, feeling miserable.

“You will be. I will be there for every single step of the way.” Emma promised and kissed her nose again before pulling her into a tight hug.


	21. Chapter 21

“Regina! Regina!” Emma was yelling as she literally ran through the door. She was sweating insanely much having ran during one of the hottest days of summer. Fall was rearing it’s muddy little head but right now, it was like they lived in the tropics. Damn global warming.

“What is it, Emma?” Regina lifted her head from the paperwork she had spread all over the kitchen counter. “Are you alright?”

“I’m being promoted!” Emma had planned on telling the other woman in a smoother way but she was way too excited for that. Because working her butt off for the year was finally starting to actually pay off.

“What?!” Regina jumped up and rounded to stand in front of her shaking girlfriend.

“Yes! They just sat me down today and told me that some ‘big people’ have seen my writing and that they are very pleased with what they saw! They want me to move to bigger things and I will actually get to do some writing!” Emma was nearly bouncing as she was telling everything she had heard. She was pretty sure something had gone past her head because even sitting in the office had been hard for her because she just wanted to fist pump and scream out her joy.

“Oh my god, darling, that’s amazing!” Regina jumped into the open arms, wrapping her legs around Emma’s midsection. Emma easily supported the weight of the smaller woman as she twirled them around.

It was so strange to have all your dreams suddenly come true. She met someone she loved - yes she loved Regina but they hadn’t said the words to each other yet - she got hired to do something she loved and eventually, they chose to promote _her_, out of all the people working in her unit.

“I’m so happy, Regina.” Emma whispered into her neck as she stopped twirling. “This is everything I ever wanted.”

Regina was so proud of Emma. She had gone for her dreams, she had worked hard and this was the payoff she was getting. This would be so great for Emma. Pressing her lips gently to the side of Emma’s head, she let go of the blondes midsection and planted her feet securely to the ground.

They separated and Emma had to take a walk around the apartment, just marvelling at this. It was unbelievable.

Panini had woken from his nap to the excited screams and was waiting patiently for Emma no pay attention to him and give him his daily hugs, which Emma did only a second later.

“Hey, Panini boy.” she kissed his little head and he started purring. “I don’t know did you hear but your mama is getting promoted at work. And it’s huge. She gets to write more, people will listen to her opinions and she will get paid a lot more money.”

Regina’s stomach sank. She had just been going over the paperwork that was a lead to their finances in the hopes of understanding the impact they would be struggling with _if_ she was to be accepted into school. She wouldn’t have as much time to work which meant her income was becoming severely smaller.

And now hearing that Emma’s would get larger, she should have felt happy and relieved. But that was the least she was feeling. There was something stirring in her stomach and she was pretty sure it was vomit that was trying to make its way up. Being dependant on someone else money had been one of the many roots of her failed marriage and it was bringing back some less than delightful memories.

She didn’t want Emma to have to support them, it was hard for her to even think about that and she hadn’t even been notified about school. Money was something she was always conscious about even if she did have it.

Right now what mattered was being happy for Emma and celebrating her big news.

* * *

When they went to bed that night, Regina couldn’t get comfortable. Her mind was filled with doubts and thoughts about how they would manage and how Emma would feel when she realised that she would be the main provider in their little family unit. Regina did have some money saved, but that was for school.

She was incredibly torn and nearly unable to even breathe. The need to throw up was back worse than ever.

“Are you alright?”

Emma must have noticed her tossing and turning, because she put on their tiny light and turned to look at Regina. It must have mainly been the light but there were worry lines all over her face and Emma couldn’t understand why. There was nothing for the brunette to worry about, everything was going so well.

“Please tell me.”

Regina didn’t want to but she couldn’t deny that there was something wrong. Emma knew her too well for that. But she was afraid because their situation must have not dawned on the blonde yet.

“Have you thought about… what will happen if I go to school?” Regina swallowed harshly, keeping an eye on Emma’s reaction. Right now the only thing she could see was confusion.

“You will be able to reach for your dreams.” she answered and Regina almost wanted to backpedal because the woman in front of her was the sweetest thing ever and she didn’t deserve these doubts on her special day. But Regina was afraid she was going to break down if she didn’t speak up.

“When I go to school, I will be able to work less and my pay will go down considerably. We are already struggling during the months when I don’t have as many shifts. And now if I have even less, we are going to be facing a problem.” Regina decided to lay down the truth.

Emma still looked confused because this was all something she knew. Regina was the main caretaker of their finances and bills, but Emma knew what came in and what went out.

“Yes?”

Regina was getting a bit frustrated because Emma was missing the point she was trying to make and she didn’t really want to spell it out loud for the blonde.

“You will be the main provider for us, you are going to be the one whose contribution counts.”

“Regina, I don’t understand. I will be getting way more money so even if you didn’t work at all we would be fine.” Emma didn’t understand what was the big deal but right now the only thing she could see on Regina’s face was hurt.

“So, it doesn’t matter do I work or not?”

Oh shit, this had not at all gone to plan. Emma had not meant to word it the way she did, because there was nothing she was as proud of than Regina working. She had reached a new goal, she had showed everyone that she could and it was so important to them both as well as their money situation, to have Regina working.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Regina.” Emma sat up and turned fully at the brunette.

“It sounded like you definitely did.” there were tears falling over her cheeks and her chest was aching because she didn’t think this was going to happen. “Just because my job isn’t as fancy as yours, doesn’t mean mine doesn’t matter.”

Emma wished she could have the last two minutes of her life back so she could think better what she said. That had not been at all what she had meant and she thought Regina knew that. The older woman was spiralling though and sometimes that clouded ones sane judgement.

“Regina, please listen to me-“

“Maybe you should find someone who does the same work you do, so you don’t have to worry about supporting them through studies because they fucked up early in life.” Regina was crying now and she failed every attempt at calming down. “You deserve so much better than this, Emma Swan.”

And before Emma could do anything, Regina was out of the bed and out of the bedroom door. The blonde was so stunned she couldn’t move but when she swung her legs to the side the front door slammed shut.

“Regina!” Emma yelled and sprinted into the living room. There was no sign of the brunette anywhere, having hoped that maybe Regina was just being a bit dramatic.

Emma hadn’t known that the brunette was so self conscious about money and her general place in their relationship. Sure, Emma just happened to make more money than Regina, but it never bothered her. Never. She was happy they shared the costs of living together, but as long as they had food for their cat and a roof over their head, Emma didn’t care.

She didn’t come from wealth, she lived years without savings. But Regina did come from money, she had lived with someone for years who provided her with everything. She had also been desperately unhappy so maybe the root of the problem laid somewhere there.

Emma wanted to follow after the brunette but she had no idea where she would go. Unless…

Running back into the bedroom, Emma dived for her phone and texted someone she knew would help her.

**Is she there?**

The answer was instant.

_If by ‘she’ you mean your girlfriend, then yes, she is here._

Sighing, Emma fell back on the bed. At least when Regina ran, she ran to someone she knew and trusted and who lived two blocks away. Emma was happy she had gotten to know Kristin better because otherwise she would have called the cops to come and find Regina.

_What happened? She is not talking, just crying into a blanket she brought with her._

That broke Emma’s heart. She never wanted Regina to think she wasn’t wanted and appreciated. She didn’t care did Regina make any money, she wouldn’t have been bothered if she made three times more than her. She was her Regina, her love and the other mother of their cat.

No matter what Regina thought of herself, for Emma, she was the sun.

**Can I come and see her please?**

The answer took a little bit longer but at least the answer was offering some wisdom.

_She is still crying pretty hard but when I asked her, she was just saying no and then asking me to tell you she is sorry. Seriously, Emma, what the fuck happened?_

Emma tried her best to type out their conversation, keeping in mind this was Regina’s boss as well as her closest friend. They all knew of Regina’s plan for her future, her want to better herself was a familiar topic to all of them. But when Kristin texted her back she expressed her deep confusion.

Neither of them knew how to help Regina, so Kristin went with her weapon of choice: whiskey. She told Emma that she would bring the other woman home tomorrow morning but right now she was gonna give her enough whiskey to knock her out.

Emma wasn’t necessarily a fan of this particular method but Regina had ran to Kristin for a reason and she trusted her, so maybe it was good for her as well.

She barely got any sleep that night, having been unaware how dependant she was of Regina’s presence in their bed. They weren’t like the basic, unrealistic couple from movies who slept the entire night cuddled together. No, they always started cuddled together, but as soon as they both fell asleep or the other did, they turned on their good sides which was facing away from each other.

It was an ongoing joke between them since they had woken more than once with their butts touching. ‘Butt cuddling’ is what they called it, and even when Regina rolled her eyes every time Emma mentioned it, there was a blinding smile on her face only a moment after.

Emma didn’t know when she had fallen asleep but she woke up the next morning to a knock on the front door. She was opening it only a second later and she was met with Regina. She was still in her pyjamas - pink ones today - and she looked miserable.

It was unclear was it because the woman hadn’t slept or that she had been drinking, but either way she looked like she was about to fall over any minute now.

“Hey, baby.” Emma whispered, wishing Regina would say something.

“I need to get my things.” her voice was serious, almost emotionless as she pushed past Emma and into the living room. Panini ran to greet her but she barely looked at the cat who tilted her head in confusion.

Emma was alarmed because _that _had never happened before. The cat loved Regina more than he loved anyone else, so the rejection must have hurt his little kitten heart. And if Emma was honest, her heart was hurting as well.

“Regina, what’s going on?”

“I think we both need to take a step back and look at what we are doing here.” the emotionless tone was still very much there as she collected some of her things from the living room into one of her many bags. “Things are going to change, Emma, and I want you to know fully what you want.”

“I want you, for gods sake!” Emma yelled, waving her arms around wildly. “You are what I have always wanted!”

Having her back turned to Emma was proving to be useful since Regina had to close her eyes so she wouldn’t cry. She wanted to believe Emma, she did but the reality of their situation was hitting her hard and she wanted it to hit Emma too. But that hit could very much be the final one for them as a couple.

No one wanted to support an adult woman with money. No one wanted to look someone struggle with every single aspect of life. Regina had been insecure about them before, because compared to Emma she felt like a mess. She had felt like she wasn’t deserving of the care and comfort Emma provided her, but she had always managed to work thought it.

But right now, there were no reasons for Emma to keep wanting her.

She didn’t know was she going to get into school but if she didn’t, she was continuing to be this… failure. She felt stupid and so much less than she was meant to be at this stage of her life. Throughout her life, she had felt like a failure before and she had accepted it on some level, but she never ever wanted Emma to see her as such. There was no way Regina could ever deal with that.

Everyone thought her new dream was to get into school but ever since she had developed feelings for Emma, her new dream had been to become worthy of the woman she loved.

And she felt like she had failed already.

“Emma, I want you to think this through, because life isn’t going to be getting easier. You have to understand that-“

“But I don’t understand! None of this makes any sense!” Emma was ready to cry because she didn’t know how things had taken such a turn. Just yesterday she had skipped home, excited to tell her girlfriend that she was getting promoted and that they didn’t have to worry so much with money anymore.

And today Regina was dumping her because of… what?

“Regina, none of this matters. I don’t care do we have money or jobs or education. As long as I have you and Panini, I can live in a box under the bridge.” she was walking closer to the woman who was still gathering her things. “I don’t care about any of it, I just want you. Just you.”

She was crying now, because she couldn’t be losing Regina over something so silly and she hadn’t even been able to tell her she was in love with her.

Regina could hear the tears in Emma’s voice and she didn’t want to turn around. It was impossible for her to deal with Emma crying because she would go and get the moon from the sky if the teary eyes woman asked that of her.

But this was serious. This was haunting her, had been ever since she applied for school and when Emma told her about the money… It was something she was personally struggling with, but she was sure that Emma would be seeing the ugly reality soon as well.

Because she was nothing.

“I’m sorry, Emma.”

Regina walked out of the apartment, sure she would be haunted forever by the loud cries that Emma let out.


	22. Chapter 22

“You know you are being an absolute idiot, right?” Kristin asked as she brought Regina a plate of food from the kitchen. She attempted to sit next to the brunette on the couch and she just barely missed the Regina’s pillow. Her living room had become a residence for the struggling woman as Kristin had promised she could stay for as long as she wanted.

Regina was staring at the wall above the tv and she didn’t have anything to say back to Kristin.

She knew she had acted rather rashly, and she knew that maybe things weren’t as dire as she had made them out to be. But being insecure like this was something she found really hard to get over and control.

And feeling like a failure had been something she had lived with for years but for the longest of times she had not felt like that. Emma made her feel important and like she was doing it all right somehow.

But there were two possibilities of how this could all turn out. Either she got into school and was not able to provide or she got rejected and got proven that she was not good enough to get into school. Either way, she wasn’t going to be enough.

And she wanted to be enough, she wanted to be perfect for Emma. She didn’t want Emma to regret wanting her.

But so many times in her life she had ended up disappointing the people around her when she had done her absolute best. She remembered the head shakes, the eye rolls and the huffs. Even the thought of Emma doing any of that was actually hurting.

She deserved someone so much better, someone who had it all under control and who was brilliant like Emma was.

Oh, Emma. She was everything.

“Regina, are you listening to me?” Kristin was trying to get the attention of her friend. She hated to see Regina like this especially since she had been so happy for months now. Getting together with Emma was the best thing that had ever happened to her, she had said so herself.

“She deserves so much better than me.” Regina finally whispered, her voice raspy.

“What do you mean?” Kristin knew that Regina came with baggage but she didn’t know it was anything like this. She seemed so confident and sure of herself.

“I’m not enough for her. She will realise that in a long run and maybe it’s better I told her that now, so I don’t get myself more involved.” Regina whispered as she pressed her hands against her face. It seemed so out there when she was saying it out loud to someone but she felt it so deeply in her insides that it was hard to breathe.

“Regina, you know that you are the most important person in Emma’s life right?” Kristin couldn’t believe what she was hearing. They all had their demons but she never thought Regina was gonna lose to hers. “When you guys were here for the party couple of months ago, we had a heart to heart. Regina, you mean everything to her and she might have changed your life, but you also changed hers.”

Regina couldn’t help but cry. Cry for the love she never confessed. Cry for the battle she lost with herself. Cry for the biggest mistake she might have ever made. Cry for the home she had walked out of.

Kristin laid her hand on Regina’s shoulder, knowing full well that it was the kind of physical comfort the accepted from other people that weren’t Emma. She had to help the other woman to see reason, because there was no way neither woman could bear losing one another.

She didn’t know what kind of plan Emma had but she hoped for their sakes, that it was a good one.

* * *

Emma was sitting on the couch, just staring ahead, breathing raggedly. She had cried for god knows how long and her entire head was hurting. Crying wasn’t something she had done much in her life, but ever since she met Regina, crying became something much for familiar. Mostly it was crying of happiness or while she was laughing herself breathless. But crying because of a heartache? That was something new.

Emma knew, there were still things that were so deeply buried in Regina’s broken childhood that stemmed all the way to this very day. She had just never guessed it was something like this. Not feeling like you were enough was something familiar to many people, but the way Regina felt it was so all consuming that it clouded all reason and everything that had happened in the past with them.

Panini jumped to sit next to her on the couch and Emma gently twirled her finger around his tail. Right now she was exhausted, having barely slept at all last night and then having gone through this so early in the morning. For the first time since she started, she called in sick for work because there was no way she could even manage to get dressed today.

She wanted nothing more than to go to Kristin’s and beg for Regina to listen to her but she knew the woman she was in love with. The brunette was stubborn and sometimes she needed a moment to work though her feelings and the situations. And right now, the last thing she needed was Emma showing up and disturbing her process.

None the less, every piece of Emma pulled towards the woman and she wanted to do _something_. So in order to make herself feel a little bit better, she got up and went into their bedroom. Regina had been really fast in her attempt of a quick get away and she had forgotten to pack any clothes. She was going to be needing them as the pink pyjama was not something she could wear forever.

Packing some of Regina’s favourite clothes and taking off the framed picture of their family and putting it in the bag with the rest of her things, Emma sat on their bed and took a notebook from the drawer by the bed.

She kept it there to write down her dreams as soon as she woke up because she otherwise forgot them. Tearing away the middle pages, Emma took her favourite marker and set it against the paper. There were so many things she wanted to say, there was so much occupying her mind but as she lifted the pen off in thought, she instantly knew what she wanted to write.

Folding the paper she placed it inside the bag and headed for the door. When she made it there, a loud meow made her look up. Panini was sitting on the arm of the couch, looking as alarmed as cat possibly could.

“Don’t worry, tiny one. I’m just taking these to Mommy.” Emma said and walked out of the door.

* * *

“Regina, there is a delivery for you.” Kristin said as she walked into the living room. Regina lifted her head from the pillow and her eyes zeroed on a bag she would know anywhere. It was one of Emma’s biggest duffels.

“What is it?” she felt like she had to ask, to be polite or to give herself more time, she wasn’t sure.

“Well, the love of your life dropped it over.” Kristin said as she placed it next to Regina’s face before she sat on the coffee table, looking expectantly at the brunette. Regina rolled her eyes, but she was grateful for the silent support as she sat up and pulled the duffel closer.

When she opened the bag, there was a swift of what could only be called home. It was a mixture of both of them and the essence that came with their apartment. Regina closed her eyes before she reached into the bag.

Pulling out several sets of clothing, she noted instantly that they were her comfort clothes as well as some of the ones she felt the most powerful in. It was insane that Emma had chosen exactly these ones, but she knew her the best. There was another blanket, the one the blonde had given her for Christmas. Inside of it Regina could a picture that usually hanged on the wall of their bedroom.

Tears sprung to her eyes as she gently touched the pictures of two smiling women and a smug looking cat. That day had been amazing. It had been sunny and insanely hot and the coolest place was the fire escape that had been Panini’s home before he was brought in. They had set up blankets and brought pillows and spend the most of the day there, just laughing and reading and cuddling all together. And Panini being the cuddler he was, slept between them the entire day, not at all interested in the outside world that used to be his home.

It had been a perfect day and Regina was so thankful Emma had snapped this photo because it was everything. Regina had it as a lock screen of her phone because it made her smile without a fail.

Placing the picture gently on her pillow, Regina reached into the bag and pulled out the bunny slippers Emma had gotten her few weeks ago, because Regina kept complaining that her toes were always cold. She couldn’t help but laugh, feeling the tears set free from the corner of her eyes.

Wanting to check she hadn’t missed anything, she put her hand back into the bag. Her fingers touched something and she fishes it out of the bag. It was a folded piece of paper. There was a big chance it was something that had already been in the bag, but he curiosity got the better of the brunette as she gently folded it open.

When she read what the paper said she sobbed. Openly and fully sobbed. Her heart could barely handle this, the squeezing so intense she was sure it was going to shatter any second now.

“What is it, Regina?” Kristin had remained silent, looking in awe as every single emotion ever had crossed Regina’s face as she pulled item after item from the bag. It was so incredible how well Emma knew Regina, how each thing she had packed held a meaning for the brunette.

Regina extended the paper, unable to form words and Kristin took it. The paper only held two words, both written in a dark blue marker.

_For you._

* * *

“Panini, stop it!” Emma groaned as she sat in the bathroom, trying her dam hardest to pee in peace. There was a louder meow, that sounded like the cat was dying as Panini scratched the other side of the door. Emma closed her eyes and imagined the horrible gashes against the wooden door, just hoping they were able to explain it away when they eventually moved out and the people inspected the apartment.

Another meow stirred her from her thoughts before she wiped hastily and washed her hands. Emma had gotten used to getting to enjoy her bathroom time in peace but since Regina hadn’t been at home for almost a full day, Panini was getting restless. He had to join someone for the bathroom and since his mommy wasn’t home, it was Emma who had to deal with his crying.

Regina always left the door ajar when she went to the bathroom because Panini very much felt like he needed to follow her wherever she went. At first Regina had closed the bathroom door because she liked her privacy but when Panini kept crying behind it, sounding more and more miserable as the minutes ticket by, Regina had let the cat in, receiving unbelievable amount of cuddles and purring.

And ever since she left the door open for Panini.

Emma opened the door to reveal a sad looking cat. She couldn’t help herself as she picked the cat up and pressed kisses all over his soft little face.

“Mommy isn’t here, bud.” she whispered and made her way to the couch where she had decided she would be sleeping tonight. Tomorrow she would attempt to visit Regina to talk and maybe she was able to understand where all of this was coming from. So they could fix whatever Regina thought was broken.

She had just sat on the couch when there was a knock on the door. In her sorrow she had caved and ordered fried rice to make herself feel better. Of course the delivery people managed to find their apartment the second she sat her butt down but no matter.

The walk was accompanied by the small black cat and before Emma made it to the door, she scooped the cat in her arms. Opening the door, she almost reached out for the rice, ready to close the door again but she stopped on her tracks when she was met with a familiar figure.

“Regina, what-“

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m so sorry.”

There was a waver in the other woman’s voice but she was doing her absolute best not to cry and Emma could tell. Her lower lip was wobbling and she was slightly sucking it in every now and then to calm herself.

Emma was unsure what was happening right now but she couldn’t deny the happiness that spread all through her body when she saw Regina. She loved her so much.

“Can I come in?” Regina asked, fully aware that Emma might not let her. Emma wasn’t cruel but she was only a human and Regina knew she had hurt her. The cried of agony and confusion that Emma had let out before she left were forever stuck in her head.

“Of course.” Emma said and opened the door wider, letting Regina pass her. Panini was fighting in her arms, begging to be let down and as soon as Emma put him down, he surged towards Regina and rubbed himself against her legs.

Regina could feel her heart burst. She hadn’t known how much one could actually love a cat but Panini was her baby, _their_ baby. It surprised her to this very day how bonded they were and how dependent she was of Panini and vice versa.

Picking up the cat, she pressed her face against the smooth black fur.

“I’m sorry, baby boy. I didn’t mean to be so rude.”

Emma was looking at the exchange, feeling relieved. That was the Regina she knew, that was the Regina who believed in herself. She had come home.

“Did you want to talk?” Emma asked as she sat back into her nest on the couch.

Regina looked around and her lips turned downwards. Emma had carried out most of the things she needed to sleep. Her pillow and duvet were there, her lamp and books, hell she had even brought out her fairy lights.

Laying down without feeling Emma’s presence had been the most depressing thing in Regina’s life and that was saying something. She had tried her hardest to sleep, she had been exhausted but there was no way to enjoy even a second of it. And if the set up in their living room was anything to go by, Emma felt the same way.

“I do want to talk.” Regina whispered, sitting down next to Emma. Panini had decided he was fine now as he pushed away from Regina and headed towards kitchen, no doubt going to have a little snack.

They sat there silently, looking at each other and it was almost comfortable. Regina knew what she wanted to say but she had no idea how much damage she had already done.

“I’m sorry.” she started, reaching out with her hand, begging for Emma to take it which the blonde did. “I’m sorry all of this happened.”

“Why did it happen?” Emma had planned on waiting to hear what Regina had to say but she wanted to understand so badly. “What’s wrong?”

Regina felt like crying again but she swallowed it all down and tried her best to answer Emma’s question. “The situation with money is kind of sore for me, because this is the first time in my life where I have provided even semi-equally with someone else. In my failed marriage, there was nothing with my name on it, I brought in no money and I was fully dependant on my husband. Just the thought of possibly having to take a step back and go into earning nothing is terrifying to me.”

Emma nodded along because it did make sense. She couldn’t relate to that but she hadn’t lived a life Regina had, but she could understand.

“But you know I would support us through it right? If you got into school? And that you would be more than free to use the same money as me without having to be dependant on me?” Emma asked, wanting Regina to know that they would be fine, that in reality there was nothing to worry about. And that she wouldn't be holding Regina hostage like her former husband had.

“It’s not only that, Emma.” Regina shook her head and broke they eye contact for the first time since they sat down.

“Then what is it?” Emma was feeling desperate because none of this was making any sense.

“I don’t want you to see me fail again.” Regina whispered as she closed her eyes. “I struggle all the time, I feel like a mess compared to you. I’m afraid that one of these days you might realise that you are way too good for me. I’m afraid of losing you.”

Emma was staring at the brunette, stunned. It didn’t fit into her brain at all, because she couldn’t even process how much she wanted Regina. Every single bit of it. Sure, she struggled with things sometimes but Emma did as well, but they dealt with it differently. None of it mattered, because the only thing she wanted in life was to be with Regina.

“Regina, I-“Emma didn’t even know what to say as she used her free hand to push gently from under Regina’s chin so their eyes could meet. “I want you in every way there is to want a person. There is no way you could never, ever lose me. I love you so much, I just-“

“You love me?” Regina couldn’t believe what she had just heard. She knew Emma cared for her deeply but they hadn’t said the words before, not even to joke. It was too huge to joke about but Emma had said it. She had said it.

“Of course, I love you, Regina.” Emma hoped that Regina believed her, she hoped this wasn’t too soon but there was no way this conversation was going to end without Regina knowing that she was madly in love with her.

Regina couldn’t help herself as she surged forward and pressed her lips against Emma’s. It had only been hours since they kissed last but she had been starving.

Emma’s lips were slightly chapped, but she always responded strongly to her kisses and today was no exception. Regina could feel how Emma wrapped around her, wanting to feel her just as desperately as Regina wanted to feel her.

Hands found their way into golden hair, arms wrapped around waists and small moans could be heard. It was intoxicating for both women to be together again, their heart beating faster and faster.

“I love you too, Emma. I love you so much.” Regina breathed against Emma’s mouth, and the only thing Emma could do was to kiss her girlfriend again.

It was otherworldly to hear those words coming from Regina's lips, because it felt like all of her dreams had suddenly come true. Regina had always showered her in love through her actions but there was such empowerment in hearing the words. She loved her. She loved her. Her. 

They hugged each other tightly, feeling the sense of security cover them like a blanket. Regina felt her heartbeat slow as she got more comfortable leaning against her favourite person. She felt so much better about everything, but there was still a long way to go for her to feel confident about their finances again. It was so silly it was about money, but everyone had their sore spots and this was definitely one of hers. 

Just as being enough was. Maybe she could feel that way one day but as long as she was enough for Emma, she was going to be alright. Sometimes it helped that there was someone else to love you, when you couldn't do it yourself. Sometimes you just needed a little guidance to be able to shine bright.

* * *

Emma was holding her hands over Regina's eyes as she was leading her into the park near their house. It had been an interesting week, life changing if one could call it that and she had been working on this little surprise ever since she learned about certain results. 

"Emma, please tell me when I have to lift my leg properly, I don't want us to fall." Regina was terrified because her ability to balance disappeared the second she couldn't see. Emma was right behind her but if they fell forward it was going to hurt. 

"Oh, shush you, we are in the city, it's all pavement everywhere." Emma rolled her eyes but she couldn't stop smiling. She really hoped Regina was going to like this and soon they were where she was meant to stand.

"Okay, now I need you to close your eyes because I have to remove my hands." Emma said and pressed a kiss to Regina's hair. "And don't peak. I didn't plan this like a crazy for the entire week for you to ruin it by peaking." 

Regina knew that Emma had said those exact words knowing that Regina could never ruin something Emma planned. She had planned on sneaking the smallest of peaks but there was no way she was going to do that now. Emma asked were her eyes closed and as she nodded, she could feel the weight of them disappear from her face. 

It was a gorgeous day, one of the last of the summer. There was a breeze in the air and it fluffed the dress Regina had chosen to wear. It had been a liberating week, in so many ways and when Emma had told there was a surprise waiting for her, she had nearly burst from excitement. Ever since she met Emma, surprises became something she was excited about, something she couldn't wait to discover. 

"Are you ready?" there was a whisper against her ear.

"Yes." Regina whispered just as quietly.

"Open your eyes."

When Regina did she was met with the sweetest scene. The piece of the park Emma had led her to was filled with people they knew, mostly people from Regina's work and Emma had even invited some people from her job that Regina had met. They were all clapping and cheering. There was a huge table filled with food and what looked like the biggest cake. On the table, sat Panini, not at all bothered by the people around him as he was solely surrounded by food. 

But where Regina's eyes focused and stayed at was a huge banner that said.

** YAY YOU GOT INTO SCHOOL! **

"Did you choose the banner?" Regina asked as Emma wrapped her arms around the brunettes waist.

"I made the banner." Emma said smugly.

"Is this really all for me?" Regina asked as she looked around. When she had started her new life she had been all alone, with no support system, no job, no experience. And she honestly thought she was never going to succeed, she was afraid she had made the wrong choice. But looking around the filled park, people laughing and eating, and their cat son being fed meatballs by Kristin, Regina felt her heart swell. 

Because this was everything she never dared to wish for. But especially the woman who was holding her tight, always grounding her. The one who had become her home. 

"For you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading, i really hope you enjoyed it! leave comment maybe, possibly, yess? 
> 
> i do apologise for any possible grammar mistakes there might be, i legit can barely stay awake as i'm submitting this. pls let me know if you happen to find any so i can fix it all up!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [for you [art]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20479499) by [swansaloft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swansaloft/pseuds/swansaloft)


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